One might think that someone drowning under a landslide of laundry would be able to find something to wear at any given moment.
Nope. Not the case.
This is why I was running late to the last mom’s group lunch — because I was trying on all of the clothes in that top Leaning Tower of Pisa pic, but nothing fit right. Everything was too small.
This is probably one of those instances where my inside thoughts should not be outside thoughts, because I feel self-absorbed and selfish even contemplating something like this, but I need to know if I’m the only person who’s had these thoughts in such great detail…
It’s been two years since Connor popped out of my body, and for two years I’ve held on to my pre-pregnancy clothes.
I’ve tried to squeeze into my old pants and shorts a few times since then, but… Well, it didn’t work. My body is completely different now.
Before Connor, I just assumed that by the time she was two years old I’d be able to get back into those clothes again. Other moms have told me that your hips and ribs eventually shift back to where they had been before, but I don’t think that’s gonna happen for me at this point. Everything is just wider than it used to be. My hips, my booty, my upper body. Everything.
Part of me knows I need to turn the page and build a new wardrobe at my current size, because, well…even though I don’t fit into those old clothes anymore, I’m generally happy with my body. Yes, I look different than I used to, but I’m physically stronger than I was when I was skinnier a few years ago, and I KILL IT when we do burpies and weighted switch lunges in HITT class. Oh, and is that a heavy sand bag?? Yeah, I can press that bad boy over my head!
I may have been able to fit into my short shorts back then, but I know I wasn’t strong enough to do things like that.
My current shirt and pant size are the largest I’ve ever worn, and sometimes I wonder if I should keep fighting against that, or accept it. I don’t know if accepting the size I am right now is me just giving up.
Even though I’m happy with where I’m at, I feel like I should keep trying to get back into those clothes, which sounds like a contradiction, I know, but yeah, I am conflicted! I don’t know what to do! LOL. Part of me thinks, “I can do it. I know I can.”
But do I want to? Do I care that much? Is it necessary? Am I just being vain?
Part of me also doesn’t want to (well, it wants to, but it doesn’t think it should) buy a bunch of new clothes now because Connor will be starting preschool in a few months, and girl, childcare in America is no joke! We hear that all the time, and it has become a cliché, but kids. Really. Are. Expensive.
Also, at this point, I don’t even know why I should bother to look cute. Half the time I have food or crayon on my clothes anyway. It’s more that I’m getting of tired of looking like I wear pajamas all day long. I just feel better when I look sharp and less slovenly.
Ugh…I should probably just wait for one of LOFT’s 50% off sales and get a few things to tide myself over.
What do you think? Am I just being selfish? Should I keep holding on to my old clothes? Is it unhealthy for me to care about being small enough to fit into them again?
Anyway, thanks for listening. Somebody, anybody, please talk some sense into me!
Your friendly neighborhood beauty addict,
Karen
sometimes its hard to let go of what we used to have, I too have had kids and my body changed a lot. Bigger hips, bottom and thicker thighs, I was in denial for a while. It took me two little human beings to realize that your body is amazing and beautiful regardless of society thinks its okay to look like. I donate away all of my pre pregnancy cloths that didn’t fit – with the exception of higher end cloths- and I am embracing the new me. Maybe one day Ill get down to the pre pregnancy size but for now I am learning to love and show my kids the only opinion that matters is there own.
http://www.artistakay.com
Go get yourself some new clothes girl! Love the body you got now and flaunt it in a new wardrobe! (I am pregnant again so i am not really where you are at atm but) i got myself some nice new stuff on sale when I got back from maternity leave with my first. (Sure I got to wear it for just a few weeks before i got preggers again and swiftly outgrew then but still. Got back jan 22, concieved approx feb 10… oops!)
Karen, I feel the same way about myself except I don’t have any kids, I’m just a glutton! But I have accepted that I’ll never be a size 0 again and I’m ok with that. I like my body better now. I mean, I could definitely tone up and I am working on that but I feel sexier, more adult (in allll the creaky ways too), and ok with all of it for the most part. I say out with the old, in with the new! It’s not selfish to want to take care of yourself, plus you can give the old stuff to Goodwill. Win for everybody!
Find some new pieces that you absolutely love- regardless of the size. I also do a lot of strength training and cardio that my pre-baby body never did and that is satisfying being strong now, and strong by also carrying little ones everywhere.
Go shopping. I’ve had two children, and my body (though now essentially a similar size and weight) has never gone back to the same proportions, and my youngest is five years old. Pre-kids, I had a more straight shape, low rise jeans, smaller boobs, etc.
I’ll never forget the time I walked into a Lucky Jeans store looking for some jeans that fit. I told the sales guy, “I’m pretty much straight up and down, so a straight fit usually works best.” He looked at my bum and said, “Girl, you have a booty on you. You need the curvy fit.” He was SO RIGHT. I found the best pair of jeans ever, and since then I shop for curvy fits in everything. My proportions just shifted- I had bigger hips and breasts after kids, but I wasn’t really any fatter once I lost the baby weight.
It’s okay to be different (even more fat if that’s what happens). Honestly, I prefer my shape now to my shape pre-kids (more hourglass now). Like you, I’m more involved in fitness than I was before, so my body is healthier and stronger than it has ever been. I held on to clothes for a long time, too, but letting go was such a relief. It takes the pressure off. That pile of clothes keeps niggling at you insinuating that you need to lose weight. Once kids are in the picture, they suck your time. They’re worth it, but, man, you’re not the center of your own world anymore, and who has time to diet/exercise excessively for vanity? (Health is another thing of course, but you seem perfectly healthy).
Anyway, use this as an opportunity to build a quality wardrobe. Start out slowly, but get a few things that make you feel good about yourself again. Now that I’m older, I try to buy things that I love– not necessarily super expensive, but that I feel great in. If it isn’t pretty much perfect, it will end up not being worn, so why waste money like I did in my twenties? And if you do ever fit back into those clothes, they will probably almost all be out of style anyway (ask me how I know!). Let them go.
Good luck– go shopping and show us your finds!!
I don’t think it’s insecure to want to fit into your old clothes; it’s a good goal to have. I am also wearing the largest size of clothing I ever have and I wish I could say my weight gain was due to pregnancy, but it’s just from too much chocolate and not enough exercising! I don’t like spending a lot on new clothes either, so most of mine are from the thrift store or Old Navy. I say get rid of them because think about it, even if someday you do fit into your old wardrobe, those clothes are probably going to be somewhat out of style, and you could get new clothes when the time comes as a reward!
While you are at Goodwill dropping off your old clothes, go through the racks and see if there’s anything that tickles your fancy. Their stuff is cheap and you’d be surprised at what you might find! I found a brand new with tags LOFT sweater in my size that I literally had in my online cart to buy once. But it is hit or miss, so don’t be discouraged if it’s all junk that day.
The size of your body is in no way a reflection of your worth as a human being. Love yourself for how strong your body is now, how loving and caring you are as Connor Claire’s mom, how creative you are with makeup and how funny and creative you are at writing.
Styles and fashion change, buy yourself some new clothes that fit. You may or you may not ever fit into those old clothes again. Hard to say, every person is different. My rib cage still flares out under my bra band (I’m 5’1″ and didn’t have much room for baby girl lengthwise, so I stuck out and she pushed my ribs out a lot) and my breasts never went back to a B cup even after I was done breast feeding. On the other hand there was a woman at the gym back then complaining that her breast got small and deflated from breast feeding. Go figure.
If you’re really vested in those old clothes, save one, two or three things that will stand the test of time fashion wise. Otherwise, start to slowly rebuild your wardrobe for the fantastic, beautiful person you are now. Pregnancy and childbirth change you physically and psychically. Accept that you are different than you once were. You brought this amazing, beautiful child into the world and that’s the most wonderful and positive thing on earth! Not everyone can do that, certainly not any guy!
I say put some effort in but worry that might sound like ONE more thing to add to the list but it seems you’re very contemplative and inward on this one. Keep hitting the gym and if you FEEL great then that might outweigh your worry? Good health isn’t vain.
Stay active – if you don’t use it, you lose it! But it sounds like you’re actively doing so much being a mom, blogger etc.
Much love and good luck!
Girl! There is something so affirming about being COMFORTABLE and LOOKING GOOD at the same time. I’ve had convos with my girlfriends about how important it is to buy a pair of jeans that fits, even if the size is larger than you want it to be. (I’ve had to do that… numerous times. :P) I think it’s really, really important to wear clothes that you love, and that FIT YOU WELL. It 100% boosts your confidence. And it’s never as bad as you think it is, especially when the jeans zip up and don’t bunch and make you look put together.
Buy. The. Damn. Clothes.
Not even clothes to “tide you over.” Just clothes. Clothes that are yours and that you love and that you own (in every sense).
Also: if you were having this conversation with a girlfriend, and she was asking you for the advice you’re asking for now… what would you tell her to do? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Make sure to give yourself the care & love you’d give a good friend! Because that’s what we all want to do for you <3 Mucho love!
I’ve never had kids, but over the years I’ve slowly gained weight. Getting older, slower metabolism combined with a desk job is not a good combination. I remember putting on a pair of pants I hadn’t worn in a while and being surprised they didn’t fit any more. It was tough, but I ended up donating them and buying some new pants in my new size.
If it’s possible, I think you should invest in at least a few new items of clothing that make you feel great. For me, I love wearing dresses in the spring and summer. I find fit & flare styles work great for me because they skim over my tummy. I’ll add one or two dresses each season and they are a go-to pick, because I feel good in them.
There is nothing vain with wanting to look good in clothes! I feel better mentally when I’m wearing something that is flattering and comfortable.
If you need some inspiration, I like the blogs Wardrobe Oxygen and Putting Me Together for clothing ideas.
Good luck!
You look better than ever and you’re stronger than ever before. Figure out how to combine your style with mom needs and dump the past. Since your frame has shifted no amount of “weight loss” is going to change the width of your hipbones and ribcage.
Get the new clothes and hold on to the old longer if you want to. I lost the baby weight after both pregnancies, looked smoking after kid number 1 (though I didn’t know it until I looked back at photos!) and never got my abs back after kid two. I managed to get down to my lowest adult weight after kid 2, my middle still looked like dough, and while I loved being the weight I was at, the maintenance was not realistic. I’m 20lbs heavier now (probably 10lbs more than I’d like), but it’s only 1 pant size since I lift weights all the time now and didn’t back then. If what you’re doing is sustainable, you’re healthy, and you feel good, then you do you.
Thank you, Karen; I feel as if I could’ve written this. My daughter is 3, and I don’t think I have anything that I wore before my pregnancy…and I’m finally okay with the fact that my tummy is a little rounder and my hips are a little wider. But I still work out, I do yoga, I run, and I feel strong. I work as a freelance editor from home now, so I live in jeans and comfy (washable!) tops, but I still like to look presentable and wear fun jewelry and cute shoes. It just makes me feel better and more confident. My new mantra when it comes to clothing: If I don’t absolutely, positively love it, I won’t wear it. If I’m shopping, it goes back on the rack. If it’s something I already own but haven’t worn in a while, I donate it so that someone else may love it. Please go shopping and treat yourself!
That’s a great mantra. 🙂 I should write it on a few Post Its and stick them everywhere!
SAME. My son is almost 2 and I still have piles of clothes that I recently accepted I’ll never fit into again (gotta get those onto poshmark one of these days so I stop looking at them). The jeans won’t even go up past my hips! Also, how did my shoulders even get wider?? But 6 months ago I started going to boot camp a few times a week and carrying/chasing a toddler around constantly means I’m stronger than I’ve ever been. I don’t get on the scale anymore because I know the number is going to be higher than I was used to seeing and it doesn’t mean anything. Time to go shopping! 🙂
Girl! Come over here and sit by me. Comfy? Here, have some tea. So nice to chat with you for a minute on this beautiful day. You are not selfish. You are not vain. You are strong and your body shows it. Honor your body as it is now. It made a human! It can lift heavy sand bags! It can do burpees! Heck yes! Honor it and dress it with confidence.
Also take a page out of Koni Marie’s book and pause to honor the clothes you wore but no longer serve your body. Be thankful for them, then drop them off at Goodwill with gratitude.
While at Goodwill or another favorite thrift store, go shopping! 90% of my clothes are from thrift stores. it’s a great way to find cute stuff without overpaying while you save those pennies for childcare.
While were sitting here with our tea can I share a secret? I too have gone through this bodily transformation. First with 2 births then with powerlifting. My shorts from last year no longer fit. Into the donate bin they went. My body is not the same as it was. And thank God for that. ♥️
I am 44 and have a 14 year old and a 10 year old. I do not fit into my pre pregnancy clothes. I’ve been doing Pure Barre for almost 6 years now and I’m way stronger and healthier than I’ve ever been and could finally care less what the scale or tag says. Buy yourself new clothes. I held onto my pre pregnancy clothes for a few years after my first born, then decided to say “screw it!”. I’d rather be happy and healthy with super cute clothes and feel and look put together and grown up. When you feel good about yourself and when you take care of yourself, it makes life a lot easier in my opinion.
I just had a baby 3 months ago – I’m 40 and this was my first ever pregnancy. I was a size zero and 108 pounds. Before I got pregnant I had all these awesome suits I wore for work and I had purchased designer jeans to complement my body — I had been working out and was in awesome shape at the time. And then baby happened. I’m nowhere near my per-pregnancy size. Granted, I’m breastfeeding and it may take a while for the tummy to get back down, but it has been very very depressing not being able to wear clothes from a year ago. I’m trying to be patient with myself and accept things, but it’s been a real struggle some days and I cannot look at myself in the mirror at all. It’s throw on the joggers and just get out my laptop and work work work…
I say buy some new clothes and make sure that everything you buy is something that you love instead of “something to tide you over” or “something that was on sale/clearance/cheap” because right now, what you’ll want is something that makes you look and feel good. Don’t we all want that feeling to last? Besides, something that you love becomes an investment and therefore money well-spent. Whether or not you decide to keep the old clothes, well, that’s not an urgent decision unless you desperately need the closet space. My husband can’t let go of old clothes. He just keeps them in huge Rubbermaid boxes that live in our attic and that’s fine. Whatever makes him happy. I, on the other hand, always think, ok, doesn’t fit, give it away now… give it away, give it away, give it away now… ooops sorry, I was having a Red Hot moment 😀
I noticed that my pattern is, I lose the baby weight straightaway after I have the baby and then when said baby is age 2, I gain it all back. So that’s one size up after baby one. Repeat cycle. When baby two is age 2, I find that I am two sizes up from where I started. With a more concerted effort to eat right and all that, I’ve gone down one size but the shape… the shape is just different. I talked to my doctor about this because I was the same weight as I was in 2011 but now there is this deposit in the middle that won’t disappear! Doc says it’s normal. It’s not even to do with the babies or other. It happens. As you well know, different shape usually means different clothing size so no need to fixate as long as you’re healthy. I just set a budget, determine what clothes I really need and I take my time in making purchases. And like the other lady said, you may find that if you ever fit into your old clothes again, they may be completely out of fashion or you may not like them anymore. No need to feel bad there. Much love to you….
I think it’s time to go shopping. Motherhood changes things. After I had my daughter I got down to my pre pregnancy weight and guess what? My pre pregnancy clothes didn’t fit or fit but did not fit well anymore. My body was just different and that’s ok!
Okay real talk girl – I get everything you are saying. After Gabi, I kicked my ass and made sure I lost the bahy weight by her first birthday. I was 9 years younger and really determined to do it. After Izzy, I am still struggling to lose just 5 lbs and I’m also 43. You get to the point where you have zero fs to give but deep down inside that voice of vanity never really fades. She taunts you and shames you for eating cookies or not working out to get into your pre-baby jeans but sometimes you shut her up with a second glass of wine and a handful of chips. All I’m saying is we all go through it and some of us are still struggling to accept our new post-baby body. I’m not going to lie and say that I haven’t researched all the best plastic surgeons specializing in mommy makeovers to get rid of the lower belly pouch I now call my “fanny pack”. Acceptance comes at different times. If you want to work out like a maniac to get back into your old gear -cool or you want to say “f*** it I’m going to live my life and accept my new body” – cool. Either way, you’re a great mom – don’t ever forget that!
I like to say I’m a work in progress. I have good days and bad days but I always remind myself that the body I have now gave me my two greatest joys and headaches. I wouldn’t trade anything in the world for that!
Thanks, Lexi. I’ll try to remember that. 🙂
I have no children and I am way bigger than you. right now, I have given up on the idea of fitting into a size 12. Besides, i think you look awesome.
Karen,
Go you on being stronger! Stronger is key because as we age we lose bone mass and muscle mass. I would say that it’s time (as hard as it is) to donate the old clothes. I would build up the wardrobe on the cheap. I love ThreadUP. They sell used brand name clothes (often still with tags). I’m wearing a jacket today in Sanctuary brand that I got super cheap. Sure you can also wait for a LOFT sale (do that too) but have some fun looking for some great ThreadUp bargains. 🙂
I’ll look into them. Thank you Leah! I love a good bargain. 🙂
I never had kids but my old clothes would look like a joke on me now – that is, if I could even get them to close all the way! And I could struggle to get my weight down but would probably give up being so hard on myself and gain at least all of it back again right away. It’s just not worth is. I’m as vain as they come, but I can’t bring myself to be miserable just to wear a smaller size. I’m happy, healthy, have a manageable weight and can eat chocolate if I want without feeling the least bit guilty.
I say go for the new clothes. Celebrate who you are now, in this new phase of your life. You’re an awesome woman who deserves to celebrate all she’s accomplished with pride!
I know how you feel, even though I have never had a child. When I had lost all of that weight due to my disordered eating (I would have been diagnosed with anorexia, but I didn’t fit one criteria), I fit into a really small size. And then I gained the weight back thanks to therapy along with muscle. My body changed due to DE though. My hips and rib cage changed and you could tell tell, so none of my bottoms fit when I gained my weight back. Many of my favorite dresses were donated.
I still have a few dresses from my bad times, but I feel like I need to have a clean slate, especially as I’m so much stronger now. Mentally and physically.
Get a new wardrobe. Show off how strong you are!
I don’t have children, but I can so Relate! Lyme diagnosis years ago put 40 lbs on in two, yes two months. I was focused on getting my health back but yeah you could see a major change. Fast forward to now- I got 25 of that off and went through an “if only then this would be better” mentality. I did save a few special pieces for “someday” which just mocked me from my closet lol I took the advice of a great spiritual healer who said take. a photo of those pieces, thank them and donate them. They don’t serve you anymore in the present. Honor the accomplishment of all you did to get here, you are walking now etc do your best to strengthen your body, nothing wrong with wanting to look good, but respect it for how it serves you first. Yes I can hike, do pilates and love the results but as you get older you also love the days you feel good too. As for comparing myself to others or my former self, that’s always a work in progress! You will always look for things. When I veer onto that crazy train i hit the gym or hike in nature to feel on top of the world.
Seeing your pics my first thought was wow Karen looks so fit and gorgeous bet she can wear anything easily! Maybe you’re not seeing you as you really are now and time to go shopping and donate that special but not useful now pre-baby pile:)
Diana, this was so thoughtful and very eye opening. Thank you so much for your kindness and insight.
Thank you Karen! You inspire me tons xoxo
Diana, I really love this. I too do not have children and I too have Lyme Disease; going on my 21st year and this past year has been pretty awful. I struggle with the fact that I don’t look the way I used to, and get really upset with my body for not being able to do the things it used to. It’s been an ongoing battle for half of my life. I am working really, really hard on meeting my body where it is and trying to honor and care for it instead of get frustrated at it, which is sometimes really challenging.
Thank you so much for this. It’s weird; I don’t always read all the comments but I skimmed and landed on yours; it’s really what I needed to hear right now. <3
Sarah, you made my day with your reply…so glad you wrote. Hugs to you! Not to hijack our Karen’s thread, but I truly know every frustrating thing you wrote! Diagnosed in 1990 late, found my way to what I call a “new normal”. I plan for crash days by eating well, aromatherapy herbal warm packs, and just resting etc if im extra active, you know its gonna happen lol Love&light to you strong girl-here in the comments usually ?
OMG! I don’t know what to say, ’cause I’m in the same situation.
EXACTLY the same situation. Can’t fit the old clothes, don’t want to buy new ones.
And, I confess, I want to be thin again. I feel big and tired all the time.
You’re doing great if it’s just a size or two, haha! Our shapes DO change through childbirth. It’s just basic biology. Get the new clothes! As others have said, hold onto a few pieces you really love. Maybe revisit them again in a few years. In the meantime, pitch or donate the rest with gratitude. Every new mother goes through this!
Thanks, Amy. I have to remember the “with gratitude” part. I can do this… I can let go. 🙂
Just get new clothes! Donate the old. Research into body positivity, health at every size, and intuitive eating. It just might change your whole outlook on life!
Go shopping- Out with the old, in with the new you. A sassy, strong, healthier Momma! Look at what your body created and nourished- You are fierce!! Quick story- When i was pregnant with my daughter i was puking all the time, i actually ended up one size smaller AFTER i delivered than when i started the pregnancy. Yep. But believe me, I was miserable! Even if i was technically thinner, my clothes fit differently. Especially bottoms. Yeah, i held onto stuff for a while, but it’s just clothes. They aren’t who you are. Use this as a way to rejuvenate and refresh your wardrobe. But stuff that makes you feel beautiful and polished. Go for it!!
Hi Nadia,
I didn’t have morning sickness when I was pregnant with Connor, but I did have trouble putting on weight in the beginning because I never wanted to eat (everything smelled and looked terrible to me). My doctor made me go out and eat ice cream. Those days are gone, LOL! Thank you so much for your good advice. I appreciate it.
Don’t hold on to your clothes. They were part of your old life, and you wouldn´t want to have that one back, you’d be missing your darling daughter! I (slowly) built a new wardrobe for myself, and now, two years after having my second child, have a wardrobe I am genuinely excited about again and that fits me. See it as a chance to start your collection over new, no need to hold on to some shorts just because they were an expensive impulse buy that you actually didn’t end up liking.
That’s a good way of looking at it. Thank you. 🙂
Thank you for this post, Karen. I’ve liked reading it but especially loved all the comments that it inspired! All you ladies are so generous and warm and I wish the best to all of you. Personally, I’ve just let go of old clothes I’d been hanging on to for the past SIX years. I’m slowly but surely focusing on wellness. Sure, some days it feels completely selfish because we’re conditioned to help others before we help ourselves. But, I figured, you can’t pour from an empty cup, y’know? The more love and kindness you grant yourself, the more you get to spread it to others. Good luck, Karen, whatever you choose to do. Thanks again for sharing this.
Really feeling for you here, Karen. I so know that shall I buy new clothes or keep holding onto the old ones hoping I’ll lose that weight?
My advice is buy the new clothes and give away the others because when you do lose the weight they’ll be mega out of fashion anyway, and the new ones will make you feel great now. XXXXX
You’re different, to bad, or worse than before. Get yourself some things that make you feel good and show off that hard work. You look awesome.
I meant ‘not bad’, not to! Sorry dog was trying to get on my lap!
SO MUCH WISDOM in these comments. I like the reminder to speak to yourself the way you would to a friend, with kindness and compassion.
There are some naturally slender women whose bodies rapidly return to their pre-pregnancy shape and size with little effort. There are also some women whose faces never break out and some whose hair never gets frizzy. Most of us aren’t fortunate enough to belong to any of those Lucky Genes Clubs. For the rest of us, a wider, softer body after having kids is inevitable, and the older you are when the kids come along, the more drastic the changes.
After my second child, I got in the best shape of my life, and actually weighed ten pounds less than before I had kids, and I was still poochy in the middle and wider through the hips, waist and ribcage than I had been before children.
Whether you give the pre-pregnancy clothes away or just put them in a box in the attic, get them out of your closet. Having to pass them over every time you get dressed will make you feel like crap, and you don’t need that. It’s good advice to buy clothes you actually like for your new size and not just cheap, tide-me-over things. If the only clothes that fit you are ugly, schlumpy and unflattering, then you will feel sad and frustrated every time you get dressed, and beat yourself up more for not being able to wear the things you once loved. Again, you don’t need that. Start with jeans – you wear them the most and they HAVE to fit – and buy one or two pieces each month that fit well and make you happy. Resist the temptation to get stretchy pants and T-shirts. Buy classic, versatile, good-quality pieces. Consider dresses – they are more forgiving and flattering than pants, you don’t have to figure out what goes together, and you feel “dressed up” and cute instead of just not naked.
Most of us just aren’t zen enough to focus on health and not care what we look like, and no woman alive really looks in the mirror and doesn’t see flaws. Don’t expect that. But it really helps to like what you’re wearing instead of sighing over only being able to wear sloppy mom clothes.
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Longtime reader and first time commenter. Donate those clothes! My daughter is a year and a half and the best thing I did for myself was to get items that not only fit me, but also fit my lifestyle. I want to feel put together but also be comfortable and be able to chase after my daughter. Same goes for my makeup and skincare routines, they have been pared down and made more efficient, but I still feel cared for and like I’m presenting the version of myself that I want to. Life is a journey and our bodies carry us along on that journey, through many different sizes and shapes. I don’t think it’s selfish at all to want to feel our best and I hate the messages in our society that mamas don’t need self-care!
Books like As Is and The Body is Not an Apology were helpful for me too. Let’s show our daughters how to be kind to themselves! Muah!
While I’ve never given birth, I do know what it’s like to have your body change. After I turned 30, my body completely changed. My hips expanded and I became curvier. It wasn’t just about putting on weight but a whole body change. I worked out endlessly trying to “lose the weight” only to realize this was my new body. I figured life was hard enough and stressing out over clothes was just not on my priority list. I donated or gave away the majority of my clothes and only kept the really special pieces. I just looked at it as a new opportunity to play with Style/fashion 🙂
I completely feel this. I am only 6m our from baby, but my body is just… different. Everything is a different proportion and size.
I appreciated this post. Great to see moms out there saying they feel this way when everyone else seems to only post about their unbelievable ‘snap-back.’
Keep doing-you, and I’m pro-buy clothes. Figure out what you need and just do it. Struggling to dress is a seriously stressful thing, and has caused many a meltdown at my house. 😉
Since you know I’m a cancer patient, you can probably predict what I would say: In the overall scheme of things, what size clothes you wear doesn’t matter very much. So long as you are at a healthy weight and feel good, you’ve got a great situation. I try to feel grateful for every day I get. I saw a sign behind someone on a TV show a few weeks ago which said “Any day above ground is a good day.” I try to live by that.
I think I’m only man who has commented, but I agree that you should donate those clothes.
I’m never going to be able to get pregnant, however, I know what it feels to put on weight because I have been fat since I was 7, so my relationship with weight is complicated.
Nowadays I weight 181 lb, and luckily I haven’t weighted my historical maximum which is 188 lb. However, clothes lately have been fitting me awkwardly and seems like my belly is getting bigger without any real reason, so I’m always anxious about what is happening.
I returned to exercise and try to modify my eating habits, but I need to keep telling myself that I need to do this because I want to be healthy not because I don’t feel good with my body. No more than two weeks ago I was on top of the world with my body but now I’m always anxious about it.
And yes I still keep clothes of the skinniest I’ve ever been which was 150 lb, because I keep telling myself I can go down again. But it has been six years and even if I know I should be even skinnier because of health reasons I can’t keep those clothes.
I know that in this moment of life I won’t be able to lose weight fast (I suck with diets and with my hip condition doing hardcore exercise is a no-no) so it’ll take me more than a year to be near to 150 lb and even longer to arrive to the 132 lb I “should” weight.
So my mantra is remind myself about all my body has came through and that even with those imperfections it has demonstrated me how strong it is. So I should feel grateful about it.
And you should feel the same, your body gave life and know it’s at its strongest, so you should be proud of it. Honor it by buying clothes that make you happy.
Sending you a lot of hugs.
Don’t be so hard on yourself. I’m not sure what your height is, but I think 180lbs is normal for a man.
132lbs sounds unreasonable! I don’t think I was ever that weight. lol.and I’m 5’5″.
the smallest I have ever been was maybe 150 – 160 and looking back at those photos I’m not sure that was healthy.
I think we all go through this, holding on to clothes hoping they will fit again one day. but I say forget the scale, forget the size of clothing, forget any numbers that confine you to thinking what you should fit into and just go with what feels good.
(This doesn’t include health numbers such as blood sugar, cholesterol and blood pressure, those you should definitely respect! lol).
I felt very confident at 175 lbs and I am just trying to get back to that. I have 15lbs to go but I will take my time and do it the healthy way. no pressure, I will get there when I get there. It won’t be over night because you didn’t gain weight over night. Right now I’m just enjoying getting back into working out, trying to be cautious of what I eat, and discovering new healthy recipes 🙂
THANK YOU YELENA!
You made me cry, but I needed that. You’re right I have to put more importance in things like blood sugar, cholesterol and blood pressure (which I have in perfect ranges) and not so much in the size of my clothes.
I know I have to lose weight, but as you said I have to do it in a healthy and reasonable way. About my height, I’m shorter than you 5’3.5 that’s why always doctors tell me I need to be around 130-140 lb.
Again, thank you for helping me realize I was too hard on myself.
awww you are very welcome 🙂
This is why I love MBB. There’s so much love in the comments… Thank you both for being so sweet and supportive.
When I first started doing weight training workouts, the weight melted off in certain areas, but I also started adding muscle and I started getting a real lifted booty, so that jeans and shorts no longer fit over my muscular thighs and butt. Now add to that what pregnancy does to you (that little pooch is a hard spot to target) and of course your body is different! Is it worse? Absolutely not, especially seeing how much stronger you are. It’s just different. I’m so glad I ordered a pair of those Levis you recommended in a size larger just after she was born, I’ve been living in them when I leave the house.
To be fair, I totally had to give myself this pep talk the other day when I realized the same thing about most of my old jeans, as much as I loved them it’s time to move on. I think we all go through it postpartum (and maybe they represent larger life changes too?).
Now let’s all scope out the best deal on Levis 721s and compare notes and order together. Because we’re worth it! Hugs mama! <3
No matter what your size, it’s important to have at least a few cute outfits in which you feel confident and positive. I find that when I only have kinda blah clothes my whole outlook on life eventually takes a turn for the worse.
If I were to call you up and say, let’s together at that fun new restaurant, you need something on hand to wear so that you say Yes, let’s!! Otherwise, your world gets smaller.
And, I think you look great. Sexy and strong.
((((((((((((Hugs)))))))) You’re not being vain. Having a kid changes your body, and it’s a big adjustment, even years later. Concentrate on how you look and feel, rather than size. You look fantastic! You exercise. You’re strong.
I say let go of the old clothes. If you can’t bear to give them away yet, at least put them in a box and get them out of your sight. Go shopping and get some cute stuff that looks great on your current body. You’ll feel like a million bucks when you’re done.
I’ve never had a baby so obviously I haven’t experienced what you’re going through. But I’ve had major changes in my body over the years and one thing I realized is this: clothing size means NOTHING.
Because your measurements tell absolutely nothing about your body, besides its factual size. It doesn’t say anything about what your body looks like, its composition, how toned your are, and how you feel inside that body.
You can be small but mostly made of fat – which is what my body was like in my 20s and early 30s – you can be large but very muscular, or just have a bone structure that makes you “large”. I have very wide hip bones, and back in the day when my BMI was in the underweight range, I was desperate about them looking so huge. Well, my bone structure wasn’t going to change, and I lost so much time and energy feeling bad about it!
Nowadays I’m focusing on strength and it looks like it’s what you’re working on too. The question of which clothes fit or don’t fit doesn’t matter if you feel strong, enjoy working out, and feel confidence in your body the way it is now. But no you are not selfish! You’re a woman who has gone through some changes and you need to find a way to slowly adapt, it takes time and it may be confusing. There’s nothing selfish about sharing that.
I have had two kids. I’ve loved following you through your own journey. I finally lost the baby weight after the second and even lost more. I wasn’t able to do this after the first. Even so, I’m smaller than ever but a different shape than before kids. I’ve had to change my style to dress for the new me. Buy a few things for your new shape. Keep up strength training as you will need that more than ever. And keep your goals but give it time. The important thing is you keeping up your health. You will reach your goals.
Thank you, Maria. It’s so true that I have to change my style to fit my new body; I really didn’t see that until reading through the comments here. I appreciate your support through your words!
Hi karen! I’ve been following you for a long time and it’s my first time to comment 🙂
I also feel the same. My kid is 2 years old now. I weighed 52kg prepreg and now I am 62kg. I don’t exercise and I don’t watch my diet. I am still breast feeding so I really just eat whatever.
I disposed most of my pre pregnancy clothes and I also want to build a new wardrobe. The only problem is I have no idea on what looks good on me anymore. I have been underweight most of my life and with the drastic change in figure, I mostly gave up and just wear a tshirt and jeans (or leggings). (I also wear clothes that make it easy to breastfeed)
I am still struggling. I feel relieved now that I know that it is normal and it’s not just me who overthinks stuff like these. It’s just that I hate not looking put together.
Anyway I’m just ranting. Thank you for sharing. More power to you.
Hi Cny,
Thank you for saying hi today. I am totally in the same boat, as I’ve been living in leggings and tees for the last couple years. Granted it’s comfy but sometimes it makes me feel sloppy. I’m mentally preparing myself (and writing a to-do list) to get rid of the old stuff to make way for the new.
Do you have a girl or a boy, by the way?