It’s been raining like crazy and I’ve lost track of how many consecutive storms we’ve had in a row!
So far we’ve made it through without any major incidents, except for yesterday, which was when our poor orange tree fell over.
Despite being happy in the same heavy pot for nearly 14 years, it toppled over after some seriously intense winds yesterday afternoon. The pot cracked into several pieces.
El Hub came home a little early from work to go to the hardware store to pick up another pot, and when I brought up the subject of perhaps using the opportunity to plant the tree in the ground, he asked, “Tell me, would YOU like to dig the hole? Because it’s gonna take a few hours digging in the rain to make it deep enough.” Um, no thanks, young man!
He and Connor went out to go buy another pot, and they ended up choosing one with a pretty teal gradient.
Anyway, earlier that afternoon, shortly after we discovered the tree had fallen, Connor said something that surprised me.
“Why do bad things like this always happen to us?”
Hearing her say something like this really surprised me. It felt like a punch to the gut.
I grew up in a somewhat pessimistic household, and the negativity colored how I felt about myself and the world around me as a young person. It wasn’t until I was an adult that I started seeing the glass as half full and that was only after lots of hard work at retraining my brain.
It’s been a journey, but for me it’s been worth it. Viewing the world through this half-full lens has made my heart lighter and my life generally better, and I’ve tried to pass this onto Connor, starting from a very early age. My hope is that teaching her this will allow her to move through the world with a strength and confidence that I didn’t have until later in life.
I took her aside and explained the tree falling over wasn’t some sort of punishment. It was just an effect of the wind and the weather. When the wind is strong, sometimes a pot just tips over. Weather is just weather. It’s neither good nor bad. It just is.
I also tried to convey to her that our thoughts and our words are very powerful, and that when we say things like, “Bad stuff always happens to me,” it can reinforce the belief that bad things will happen — and that can be a dangerous thing for a person. I told her that we have to do everything we can to protect what our minds think and what words we choose to say out loud because what we believe becomes true for us.
Was it too deep of a conversation to have with a seven-year-old child? I don’t know. I do hope some of it sank in, though.
One thing I’ve found interesting about being a parent is that it can be very triggering at times. It usually happens in situations when I realize what kind of reaction I would’ve gotten from my main caregivers as a child. Sometimes I wish I could go back to little me and give her the care, guidance and support that Connor gets.
Anywho. We’re all like the orange tree in the pot, I guess. We’re snug in our pots doing our thing, but sometimes, a storm comes along, and for whatever reason, we topple over. But then our people come along, and they help us find another pot, replant us, and we keep on keeping on.
We just keep going and we keep growing.
Your friendly neighborhood beauty addict,
Karen
Little Karen looks just like Connor Claire! I feel like kids can be just so dramatic, hence Connor Claire’s comment about bad things happening. I’m glad you had a talk and tried to put things in perspective for her though. I probably would’ve been like “Well with global warming, we’re seeing more storms….” and she would’ve been way worse off, LOL! And at least you’re citrus didn’t snap and you were able to repot it, so that’s another silver lining!
That’s true! I’m glad the tree is still in one piece. 🙂
This is a great post Karen, it got me thinking about my own negativity issues and how I had not realised I had them until somebody important to me pointed them out. While I agree with Rachel that Connor’s words might have sounded more dramatic than what they truly represented, I think you did a great job of explaining to her the importance of a balanced approach to life 🙂 Congratulations on a parenting job well done.
I’m trying my best, Martyna. I’m sure I’m messing her up in so many other ways, though. LOL. I’m trying though. 🙂
Sweetest pic; thanks for sharing.
Big hugs, Leigh. 🙂
Little you is the image of Connor!
Parenting is HUGELY triggering – why are we never warned about this?!
I think I’d have been tempted to ask Connor what other bad things she was thinking of that have happened. Then you could have a bit more understanding of what she’s been carrying around that she feels are “bad things” and which you may be able to explain as things that seemed bad at first, but eventually worked out better than the original etc. A little lesson in wait and see, as it were. Having said that, it’s easy for me to say as a psychotherapist- I’m not her Mom, and you are XXX
Thank you for this, Sarah. I had some alone time with Connor today and we chatted about what “bad things” she was thinking of. It was very insightful.
My pleasure X
Everything’s relative. Right now, I still have to deal with a huge tree limb lying on the roof, still connected to the tree. All homeowners should try to make sure no large tree (or tree that will be large in the future) is within 20 feet or so of their house. (I didn’t buy this house, so it wasn’t my bad decision.) Your fruit tree didn’t die, or hurt someone in the process of falling over, at least. Just yesterday I was at a big nursery in my area, and I noticed they had a huge number of large ceramic pots. I don’t buy that kind for outdoor use, because the cold in the winter usually ruins them, and of course, they can always be knocked over and broken (unless they have a really low center of gravity).
I can relate to what you say about your parents not validating your feelings. Mine were like that, too. My mother’s stock response was always, “I had it worse than you as a kid,” and that ended the discussion. That may well have been true, but it didn’t mean my feelings weren’t valid. She never once said something like “I understand why you feel that way,” or “I’m sorry that you’ve been made to feel that way.” It would have helped immensely if she had, I think. But neither she nor my father would ever admit that they weren’t perfect parents. In retrospect, I think both of them were covert narcissists, to greater (my father) or lesser (my mother) degrees.
Such a beautiful post, one of my favorites. I love what you taught your young daughter. I love your choice of words. You are a great person!
And yes parenting can be very triggering and yes we are like that orange tree-thank goodness for people.
Thank you, CC. 🙂