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A Curly Girl’s Tale: How I Grew to Love My Hair
Things were all kittens and ice cream until I turned 12. To quote my sixth grade diary, 12 was “a year of devastating change.”
The first event occurred that fall, when my best friend, who happened to be my next door neighbor and partner in crime since I was four, moved away to a mysterious place called “The Valley.”
The second event struck that winter, when the unthinkable happened: puberty. I’ll never forget the traumatic trip with Mom to J.C. Penney to buy my first bra.
Then, that summer, puberty took away my sleek, straight hair and replaced it with a big, frizzy mess.
And so began my rocky relationship with curly hair…
I guess technically my hair is more wavy than curly, but back then all I saw was a head of hair that on its best days resembled a lion’s mane.
As luck would have it, that look was in at the time. It was the ’80s, when curls and the spiral perm reigned supreme. Curly girls roamed the hallways at school. They moved in dense packs of frizzy hair, acid-washed denim jackets and Liz Claiborne purses.
It was just sheer dumb luck that my naturally curly hair happened to be “in” because I was shy and self-conscious at the time. Fitting in mattered above all else.
Truth be told, I had no idea how to handle my unruly waves. This was well before I discovered wide-tooth combs and conditioner washing, yet my hair and I eventually reached a sort of detente that would last for several years. I hadn’t grown to love it yet, but I didn’t hate it anymore either. Nope, I saved that for the ’90s.
By the time I’d gone to college, straight hair was all the rage again. I was back to hating my waves and envying the girls with their lovely linear locks.
The several bad haircuts that followed didn’t help. There was the poufy triangle cut that left me looking like a Bichon Frise, or the cut in which the left side of my hair was a full inch shorter than the right, or the razor-cut from hell (a frizzy nightmare!).
During those dark years, I spent hours in bathrooms with blow dryers and brushes, hopping from one straightening serum to the next to fry my hair into stick-straight submission.
It wasn’t until my late 20s that I started to feel different about my hair. I can’t pinpoint exactly when or why it happened, but I think it had to do with where I was in my life. I’d finally begun to understand who I was, and eventually, I think that started to translate into how I felt about my hair.
As my curly confidence grew, so did my bag of hair tricks. Before long, I was asking curly-haired friends for product recommendations and making appointments to different salons. Soon I’d learned about dry shampoo, conditioner washing and diffusers (oh, my!). Like a hair jedi, I started working WITH my hair’s nature, and not against it.
Sure, I still bust out the flat iron from time to time, but now I love my curls. I love how they look different from one day to the next, and how when I go out with the girls, I have the distinction of being “the chick with the curly hair.”
It took decades for me and my hair to get here, but I’m so glad we did. 🙂
Your friendly neighborhood beauty addict,
Karen
I’m glad you’ve come to peace with your hair! I had a hate relationship with my fine hair back in middle and high school. I desperately wanted a perm, but my mom wouldn’t allow it b/c she thought it would damage my hair. Anyway, I’ve come to love my hair over the years.
P.S. Did you have one of those Liz Claiborne purses with the little triangles on them? I thought those were so awesome back then. 🙂
Hi Ruchita,
Yes, I did! Mine was taupe/gray and shaped like a circle, LOL!
I’ve had a rocky relationship with my curly/wavy hair too! It’s only been in the last few years that I’ve embraced it-took me longer than you!
I love your hair-it’s so frizz free and I still have a problem with frizz. What products do you use when you embrace the wave?
Hi Tracy,
I think the biggest things that helped me reduce frizz are conditioner washing and learning to NOT mess with the curls too much. Having a really great cut that brings out the curl pattern helps too. When I do these things I can just let my hair air dry and have it look decent.
Of course there are days when it just won’t listen to me (LOL), but I guess that’s what hats are for. 😉
I agree with Tracy; I love how frizz free your hair looks. My hair is also curly/wavy (as it grows longer, it gets curlier) and I have a problem finding a product which can get rid of the frizz without making my hair look greasy.
I used to be very frustrated with my hair as a teen and tried everything I could to make it sleek and straight (straightening irons, big, round brushes, etc.). When I was about seventeen, I had an epiphany (Oprah would probably call this an A-ha moment, lol). I never used to go to high school without my hair being straight as a stick, but one day, I simply didn’t have the time and left my hair in its curly state. Suddenly, several classmates started asking me if I’d actually curled my hair (since they’d only ever seen it looking straight) and told me it looked so much nicer this way. Since then, I’ve never straightened my hair again. I can’t say I’m completely in love with my hair, but I now try to work with its structure instead of against it. 🙂
Thanks, Fabiola. It took years for me to figure out how to chill out the frizz, although there are days when it still goes crazy. Thank goodness for ponytail holders, LOL! 🙂
Love the story of your A-ha moment, btw.
Your hair is awesome! 🙂 I have a lot of wave/curl in mine too and I like it. It’s thin (though I have quite a bit of it) so it would look a little “wet rat”ish if I were to straighten it. Luckily, I’ve never been a fan of the straight look anyway. I like a little volume. 🙂
LOL “wet rat-ish.” Do you put any product in it to boost the volume/curl? Like a spray gel or a mousse?
I use a volumizing shampoo (Matrix Amplify or the Suave version if I’m feeling like a cheapo or don’t want to drive to the mall). I also use Pravana leave in conditioner (spray) because it’s light and won’t weigh me down. Then I rub in a little Brocato Cloud 9 Miracle Repair Blow Dry Serum, scrunch and blow dry. Someone really needs to rename that Brocato stuff, btw. What a mouthful!
OMG Karen how did you get a hold of my diary!!! No seriously, I went through the very same thing except I got described as the “buffalo” in the back seat by some very unkind people. I guess it was a good thing that I really didn’t care what anyone thought of me back then. I have since embraced my curls. What are your HG hair tamers? Your hair is always so beautiful – will you share some of your secrets????
Hi Alka,
For me a big part of it seems to be connected to how I handle my hair. After I get out of the shower I don’t rub at it vigorously with a towel, and I use a wide-tooth comb or my fingers to take out any knots — basically, I try not to fuss with the curls too much to prevent frizzing.
Air drying and conditioner washing makes a big difference, too.
Lovely post! I’ve always liked my curly hair but did wish it was more manageable for a long time, as all my friends with straight hair seemed to have it way easier. I’m still finding out it’s a question of confidence more than hair – as I get older I get more and more adventurous with haircuts and have recently realised I can have a curly bob and love it. Even curly bangs!
And I very much agree, thank heaven for diffusers! I also love the idea of having one side shorter than the other; I recently saw a girl with thick blonde hair who had bangs, one side as a bob and the other side cascading over her shoulder. It looked amazing, although it’s a commitment!
Curly bobs are CUTE, girl! I go back and forth between cutting mine off and keeping it long.
After a ton of attempts trying to smoothen, relax and chemically straighten my wavy, frizzy hair, I ‘ve come to terms with it. I used to think that was better than having to style it every, single time. I’ve lost the volume n thickness I had a couple of years ago, so I’ve learnt the hard way that I should stop torturing it and just learn to love it the way it already is. But sometimes, when I have good hair, I am so confident that I don’t even need makeup! 🙂
Those good hair days are kind of magical right? I love when the waves just fall into place.
Karen, I believe your hair is beautiful! It has a style! Mine is like really thick, and it is staight on top and the ends are wavy…I HATE IT!I have to fry my hair for those stupid ends!And oh my, let me not remember the awful short bangs I had when I was 14…They were so short and the made my forehead look huge,and omg my forehead is not huge :O That put me off of bangs forever!
ps: I would love to see pics of you as a sixth grader-soooo cute!
This one’s from eighth grade and completely mortifying! Notice the terrible bangs and braces:
https://www.makeupandbeautyblog.com/daily-beauty-cat/big-hair-and-braces-circa-1989/
HAHA!
LOVE that pic! And you know what I totally noticed? Your beautiful, glowing skin! And that I had that exact same hair style! Hella rad! LOL
that is sooooooo cute!and I love me some radiant skin 😉
LOL, that pic is a hot mess!
Oh I forgot- happy valentine’s day!!!
Happy Valentines Day to you too, Irini! <3
You are right, it’s so true that people with wavy/curly hair, everyday, it looks different. Some days, it’s curlier than other. I used to hate my wavy hair but now that I am older, I am glad I don’t have the stick straight Asian hair…it doesn’t hold curls well, most of my friends have such a hard time. Luckily with my wavy hair, I can go both ways.
What are your favorite curly hair products?
I would love my hair if it was as beautiful as yours. Mine is fine and dead straight, it won’t hold a curl for longer than 10 mins and I can do absoloutely nothing with it to make it look nice!
Hi Alison,
Trust me — there are many girls who envy your straight hair! 🙂
What tricks have to tried to get the curl to hold? One of my favorites is spraying the pieces of hair first with hairspray and a heat protectant before I use a curling iron. It seems to help lock the curl in place.
hairspra,y then heat protectant, then curl or
heat protectant, hairspray, then curl?
Your hair looks just like mine! I too hated my hair in high school. I was mortified if I didn’t have time to straighten my hair before school. It was usually all one length, and if I let it do its thing, it was a poofy mess. My my senior year, I discovered layers and bangs! And smoothing serums. Now, a junior in college, I love my wavy hair. Which is great, because my lazy self never wants spend a half hour straightening (my hair is also super thick!) 😛
Hi Gina,
AMAZING what a few great layers can do, right? Back in the day my hair was all one length and it looked like a straight up curtain because it never moved! 🙂
It’s funny how we always want what we don’t have. I have stick straight hair and would kill for your waves. But, like you, I now work with what I have and I’m much happier for it. My only real gripe now is the huge cowlick I have in my bangs. My stylist has amazing scissor skills and gives me bangs I can work with but it still takes some special tricks with the blow dryer to make me not look like a 90’s mall rat with bangs sticking straight up! I still am envious of your waves though. They are truly beautiful!.
Hi Liz,
My bangs are moody, too, so I feel your pain. To get them to lay right I walk around the house with this goofy headband… it’s not cute at all, but gets the job done.
Have a good week. 🙂
Love this post. I feel like I’m still getting there in my journey to loving my wavy hair! Right now I still prefer it straight, but come summer I always HAVE to leave it to it’s natural state as it’s too hot and humid to be bothered with styling. Thanks for being a curly girl inspiration!
I hear you. One thing I’m looking forward to in the summer is air drying… that seems to help the curls behave! 🙂
I love this! I had the same issue! Growing up in Manila, wavy hair just goes frizzy! But since I met a stylist I love and products that work, I’ve so totally learned to love my hair.
I especially love how I just may have rushed to work, and didn’t brush my hair—people think, “oooh bedhead!” and without any derision!
The humidity in Manila is crazy! Kudos to you for finding a curly product cocktail that works with the weather. 🙂
awesome post – i <3 how you have accepted and embraced your hair. i think hair is a big issue for most women.
question for you — what product do you use to hold curls? ive recently been playing w/ a curling wand and it works but the curl is gone in a few hours. 🙂
Hi Nina,
One thing that makes a huge difference for me is to spray the piece first with soft-hold hairspray and some heat protectant. I wait a few seconds and then put it in the curling iron. Afterwards, I gently remove the piece. I let my hair cool down, and then I spray it again with more hairspray. I know it sounds like a LOT of hairspray, but it helps keep the curl. And as long as I use one that’s flexible, it looks natural, not crunchy.
oh thanks for the tip. ive been racking my brains about what to use to hold my curls (what little i can make w/ my chin length hair, that is).
ill try it and thanks for the recommendation.
i use tresemme heat protectant and elnett hairspray — that might work. 🙂
I say thank goodness for my curls, because fine, thin hair runs in my family. Natural volume for the win!
I embraced my curls around 15 when I found someone who knew how to cut them, but only since my new haircut last April have I LOVED them. And now it’s actually quicker to wash and dry my hair than try to style a second day out of it!
It’s amazing what a great curly hair stylist can do. Do you get nervous when you go to someone new? I do! I always end up giving them 15 minute explanations of everything that ever went wrong with my haircuts in the past.
I am so terrified of going to someone new that I typically live in a place for at least a year before finding someone!
Awww!!! the curls looks fab on you Karen!!
i think i also shuld give a try to give curls as my hair texture is dry and fizzy!!! wat say karen??/
Happy Valentine’s Day to all the beautiful gals 🙂
Happy Valentines to you too, Amee!
I had the same situation when I was 12. My long straight hair turned into a mess of waves and somedays even real curls. I couldn´t control it, and I had no money to buy special products. My sister and mother still have straight hair and had no clue how to help. I was a teenager in the early 90s and I was the weird girl in the hallway with christmas tree hair and after gym class the problem was even worst. I had the worst haircuts you could imagine, I had a couple of bad hair decadez and now that I am 30 I am starting to love it and understand it. My boss told me the other day: wow, since when you have nice hair?
The same thing happened to me too. My mom had no idea what to do with it either, because she has straight hair. I looked like a hot mess for most of the ’80s, haha!
Your hair looks beautiful here! I have wavy, unruly frizzy hair too. I’m starting to come to terms with it.
Hi Katrina,
It took a long time for me to learn love my waves. Maybe you’ll get there someday, too. 🙂
Oh, and a great stylist who understand curls helps. That made a world of difference…
When I moved from the bay area to the valley my friends had no idea where it was either they thought I was moving out of CA! Haha
It sounded so mysterious to me! This was also during the time without email, so staying in touch was really hard…
My hair is naturally wavy and hard to work with, but it’s also super oily too…so hopefully one day i’ll figure it out lol
You could always try washing just the roots with shampoo and conditioner washing the rest of your hair. I do that in the summertime, or when my scalp feels super oily from working out.
I’ve always had curly hair and, as I frequently say, it took me 30 years, but I’ve finally learned how to work with it! Now that my hair and I have reached an understanding, I feel comfy with it and I love it! 🙂
I love your curls! They fit your personality. 🙂
Your hair is gorgeous! It looks like you curl it and style it to get that wave.
Thanks, AS. It’s mostly just scrunching and air drying…
I love your hair! I wish my hair was curly! It is so straight and the bad part is it won’t hold a curl! So I am STUCK with it being straight all the time! 🙁
Love your hair! Mine did the same thing as yours (was pin straight and then BAM one morning is was wavy) I only have just started understanding how to properly take care of it to reduce all the frizzies. I love my wavy hair, though. It’s so much easier to straighten my wavy hair then to curl straight hair (I see my friends try and the curls always just fall back out)
(Happy Valentine’s Day!)
I had a somewhat similar experience as you. I hated my curly hair from the start. In fact, I started blow-drying my hair straight every morning in 5th grade, and didn’t stop until I was 20.
At 20, I was a lot more sure of myself. One day I thought, “I wonder what my natural curls actually look like.” So I let them be natural for a day.
My first reaction? Why haven’t I been doing this all along?! I like my curls now, and I don’t have to spend an hour with my arm above my head, blowing it out.
i was out of high school when it happened. i always though i had straight, but BIG hair because i would blow it out all the time. then i discovered curling irons and would blow it out, THEN curl it (hair damage, galore!). but then one day i tried a diffuser out and lo and behold, i actually had curly (on top)/wavy (at the bottom) hair. i’ve embraced it ever since and have only straightened my hair a handful times in 6 years.
You have such beautiful hair Karen!
For me, it wasn’t so much *me* accepting my hair but my family. I’m the only person with curly hair in my family. (No comments… other than my hair I look just like them. 😛 ) My grandma especially had stick straight hair. She also was highly critical about appearance. So people in my family would rag about my “stringy” hair and tell me to brush it, even if I just had. It literally took me until college to realize I had curly hair. My roommate permed her hair and used a diffuser. I used it one day to see if I had any wave and my hair ended up curlier than hers. That’s when I realized my hair wasn’t stringy, it was just trying to separate into curls. Now of course, I’m still trying to break the habit of constantly brushing my hair…
Loved your story! I’m glad you’ve come to peace with your hair. 🙂 I’ve always envied girls with curls & waves, but I guess we always want what we don’t have. I think you look great!
My hair is completely curly. I’ve grown to think of it as awesome., but I hate how unpredictable the texture can be!
Karen – your hair looks wonderful. I understand how you struggled with it – but sweetie – you just don’t know about curly hair if you call your hair curly! My hair is CURLY – spiral curls when they behave, a mess when they don’t!
I struggled with it my whole life – in college (this was in the late 60s, early 70s – I’m OLD), I grew my hair out so it was below my waist, one length. I would set it in two huge rollers on top, then wrap the rest around my head, using my head as a HUGE roller. I would then sit under the dryer for 45 minutes, unwrap and re-wrap the opposite way, and sit under for another 45 minutes (did I say I also have a LOT of hair?).
When I didn’t go through this routine, if I let my hair dry naturally, it sprang up and was a cloud of curls and frizz around shoulder length. I hated it, but luckily, my boyfriend at the time (who I later was married to for 28 years) loved it!
A few months ago I decided to let my hair grow (from a short chin-length bob) to about shoulder length, so I could go curly again. I did it, and it lasted for a few months. No one could believe it (when I wear it shorter, I blow it dry, and it really straightens well) – they thought I got a perm! I got tired of it really quickly – my “natural” hair isn’t wavy like yours – it’s curly, I have to wash it daily because it goes nuts overnight. I’m now back to my chin-length blown-out bob, with longer layers this time. If I have to, I can do it “natural” using a LOT of product, but this way it’s much more consistant!
So…enjoy your wavy hair – it looks great – but it’s not really curly!
Hi Bisbee!
I think there’s lots of room for lovin’ beneath the curly girl umbrella. I know mine is wavy, but I’ll always be a curly girl! 🙂
Can you suggest what type of hair cut to get if you have slightly curly hair? My mom finally grew out her hair to shoulder length after sporting the Diana cut for years. She’s the only one in the family with curly hair, so we’re not sure what to do/suggest.
wow, i went through the exact same experience!
up until puberty (which was 13 for me), i had super super thick black shiny pin straight hair. i used to get complimented all the time–so much so that my mom never let me cut it lol. it seriously was long enough to touch my butt! unfortunately, stupid puberty came and my hair got super frizzy and wavy…and let me tell you, super thick hair getting frizzy and wavy ain’t pretty lol.
i’m glad to hear someone went through the same experience. maybe one day i’ll learn to appreciate my hurrr like you, karen!
Oh Karen, you’re singing my song. One day about 15 years ago, the girl who was cutting my hair said why dont you work with it, instead of working against it. That was a lightbulb moment. It worked while she was cutting my hair, but she doesn’t anymore, and I dunno. If I straighten it it behaves perfectly, if I go natural it’s pretty much hit and miss. I went natural last week, didn’t even bust out the blow dryer. Slept on it still wet in a fit of “I hate my hair and I don’t give a rip” , barely slinging the pick thru it the next few days. Got many compliments from random strangers even, will wonders never cease?
Karen what hair products do u currently use when wearing ur hair curly? Ps happy valentines day:)
Your hair is gorgeous Karen! I have curly hair as well which I have been straightening for what seems like forever. I have tight curls that pouf out like no other but I wouldn’t mind nice long wavy hair 🙂
i got my first bra (with my mother) at JCPennys too! i can remember the pile of all those white cottony bras lol.
i hope i get to your curly love state soon! like you i also have more wavy than curly, but i havent learned how to work it yet. i guess ive gotten a little better? but im not there yet.
im actually fretting my waves this very moment. my boyfriends coming over in a few hours so i definately need to shower (and quick!) but im not sure how to tackle my hair. and once i wash my hair i need a game plan cause its on. i want the waves/curls look for valentines day (romantic and all) but i dont know what to do 🙁 its so risky. sometimes it turns out really nice but other times it looks all ratted and scraggly. i was gunna write my different methods for working the wave but its getting to long as is. ill just have to pick one, go for it, and keep my fingers crossed. at least my trusty flat iron can save the day if it looks awful lol
btw your waves are rockin in these pics! if you dont have a tutorial you should. or at least a written out step-by-step process (products included) if a video is to difficult
hope you have a romatic and lovey day!
I found reading this post and the comments really interesting as I too had really poker straight hair until I was in my mid to late teens, when my hair suddenly went wavy. Maybe it is to do with hormones? The older I get the wavier my hair gets!
Karen you made me laugh saying your bad haircut made you look like a Bichon Frise! Oh we’ve all been to the hair Hall of Shame have we not? I used to have the biggest, thickest bowl fringe (bangs) which seemed to start right at the back of my head somewhere. I really looked like my mum had put a pudding basin on my head and cut round it…
Lovely post Karen…..really enjoyed reading it. I have thick wavy hair too ( slightly curly) that get poufy, frizzy after a wash but somehow I have managed to make peace with them and don’t fret about it anymore. At least I never have to worry about the volume 😉
while reading your blog entry, i felt like i was reading about my own experience with hair that decided to transform itself at puberty to a big curly/wavy mass…well, i guess it was unusually thick and unruly anyway, but it just went completely mad. triangular poodle hair? yup, i hear ya. even your high school pic reminds me of one of my own…i’ve learned to love my hair over the years, but i have to admit it wasn’t easy!
i love how your waves look–your hair looks very healthy and lustrous. what shampoo/products do you use?
It’s funny, I envy waves because then it seems you can go pretty quickly curly or straight. I got a perm once when I had hair about as long as yours is now, but no curls showed up until I donated a foot of hair and then it was horrible. The curls were pretty but there just wasn’t enough hair left to look good on me. Now I wish I had known how to do something with the hair length and curl to salvage the whole thing….royal pain in the butt though it was…
I’ve had a similar journey with my straight to curly to straight to wavy hair. If only we had the products we have now when it first went curly in the 80s. I wish I had those gorgeous high school curls again, but this wear it wavy or straight incarnation isn’t too bad.
i used to have really straight filipino hair! lol and when i went through puberty it became wavy. in 7th and 8th grade id always straighten it, then when i got to high school ive learned to appreciate my waves. wavy hair is so versatile!
I used to have a love/hate relationship with my hair and in a stupid, stupid moment last year I decided to get it relaxed, argh! I totally regret it now but my hair’s almost grown out enough to be curly and natural yay! But until it’s at my desired length i’m just going to have to keep it straight 🙁
Your hair is lovely also! I have total hair envy :3
Great post! I’m a curly haired girl. I was lucky enough to marry a guy that loves my hair curly. I used to have an Afro in Junior High from trying to fight the curly hair. Finally I just went with it and I’ve never looked back. I LOVE Be Curly by Aveda and also the cheap mousse by Finesse (they have one for curly hair). I also enjoy various shampoo and conditioner brands for curly hair. My favorite hair mask is by Origins. I know it’s not ‘professional’ to have long hair in corporate America but too bad! I’m sticking with it…so easy to care for.
LOVE your hair, Karen. It has such a beautiful wave! I have a similar story (straight-hair-turned-curly at the age of 12). Do you think you can have some posts about how you control your curly hair? Mine is still a frizzy, unruly mess…
Hello dear Karen!
I just found your blog through Ashley’s! You’re such a sweet girl and I found a lot of useful tips even by reading a couple of your posts only!! Thanx for sharing all that wisdom!
This post hit a soft spot, because I currently have a “hate-hate” relationship with my hair. I hate them for not behaving, they hate me back for trying to tame them – we’re not in speaking terms right now actually!
You see every other healthy individual like you went through that during puberty and now they’re done. When I hit that turning point I cut my hair boy short and that was the end of it!! (my father almost had a heart attack when he thought I’m a lesbian at the tender age of 13 and that the haircut was my “statement”!).
Anyway, now I’m 30, I grew them (with a lot of discipline) to be shoulder-length and now WHAT?!?!?
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THOSE STUPID FRIZZING, ALL OVER THE PLACE HAIR??
I ‘m that close in going boy-short again, although my boyfriend strongly disagrees!!
Please help HIM!!
Visit my blog to verify that the only decent thing I can do with hair is a side ponytail:
http://littlewitches-tinywizards.blogspot.com/
P.S. – Sorry for the long comment. I’m greek. You’re born with it.
I have similar hair to you, wavy and resembling like a lion’s hair. I don’t mind it but sometimes when I go to the hairdresser’s I’m at a loss as what my fringe needs to look like. But no more! Seeing your gorgeous fringe (or bangs as you Yanks like to call them), I have decided that is how I’d like them also!
Sooooooo…do you mind greatly if I take a copy of your cool photo to my hairdresses and demand that I look like you? Well your hairdo anyways…