Product Reviews

OK, so I know that I make grammatical mistakes left and right, and I make up words like haaay I write run-on sentences like this one I say “yay!” instead of “yea!” and I use too many emojis 🙂 and LOLs and elipses…

But I do make an effort to at least put my apostrophes where they’re supposed to go, although I don’t lose any sleep over it when I make mistakes or write “gonna” instead of “going to.” I’m not gonna (haha) throw a vase across the room when I come across one of my old posts where I said LOL 20 times and used punctuation improperly (although it does drive me batty when I mix up “you’re” and “your”).

That said, it would really help me if somebody over at Team NARS could clarify something about new Kiss Me Stupid Lipstick from the NARS Spring 2017 Wildfire Collection.

Like, is there supposed to be a comma in there? Is it, like, “Kiss me, stupid,” like you’re talking to someone and saying, “Hey, stupid! Get over here and kiss me”? Or, does it need an exclamation mark because it’s a declarative statement? “Kiss me stupid!” Because I want you to kiss me until I can’t even remember my name or see straight anymore?

I’m so confused…

NARS Kiss Me Stupid Lipstick, $28

Oh! I like this color a lot. When you first see it out of the tube, it’s like hmm… Typical matte, ’90s brown, but this bad boy is a desert sunset in a tube. When you try it on, it becomes a warm, satiny terracotta infused with a fiery reddish orange and subtle golden sparkles. It fits in fabulously with the whole Wildfire color story.

NARS Asphalt Jungle Lip Gloss, $26

The whole “You gotta try it on to appreciate it” thing also happened to me with Asphalt Jungle Lip Gloss.

OMG! Swatch it. Ooh. Get it on your lips. Ah! Fall in love.

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Geez, for a blush called Bumpy Ride, this sure is smooth…

Badum-bum. 🙂

Either someone at NARS was having fun on New Product Name Day, or they were thinking about that time they bounced across Idaho in a Pre-Cambrian Era Subaru Outback that practically launched them into outer space every time it hit a pothole…

Wait — never mind. That was me.

Officially, this is pink

NARS calls it a shimmering candy pink. I was dubious at first, so I pulled out a few other NARS pinks for comparison — Gaiety, Desire and New Attitude — and Bumpy Ride looks nothing close to what I’d call a standard-issue pink.

It’s more of a coral with pink dreams to me, and the closest thing I can find to it is NARS Day Dream, which is a tad more coral but less pink.

It’s also VERY shimmery

Holy crap, this is a shimmery blush! And the funny thing, it doesn’t look that shimmery in the pan or in swatches.

Because of that, I grabbed a regular blush brush to apply it, thinking, “This’ll work.”

I swiped it across the pan once and popped it on one of my cheeks, but when I started buffing it out, wow — lots o’ shimmer. We’re talking serious luminosity, but it’s grown-up shimmer…like if the MAC Mineralize Skinfinishes put away their childish dreams of becoming a pop star and finally got a “real job” (air quotes). The pigmented particles are finely milled (there’s really no actual glitter in it), and the effect is elegant.

The thing is, though…this kind of shimmer doesn’t mess around if you have any textured areas on your cheeks from acne scarring, large pores or dry patches. It calls them out, and right now my cheeks are a tad dry, so Bumpy Ride makes them look even drier.

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I know that this maxes out the Cheese-O-Meter, so my apologies for that, but you know what I’ve always wanted to do?

It’s this thing I’ve seen on police shows where there will be a couple of police officers sitting in their car on a stakeout, and they’ll be watching a perp (yes, I said “perp”) across the street, but then the perp will do something illegal and make a run for it, so one of the officers will say, “Light ’em up!” and they’ll turn on the lights and sirens and chase that fool down!

I’ve always wanted to say “Light ’em up!” like that. LOL!

Yes, I know, I’m weird. 🙂

Anyhow, whenever I play with these new NARS Eyeshadow Duos, I say “Light ’em up!” now just like that, except that I’m referring to how luminous they are.

They are SO glowy and shimmery, but not frosty at all. It’s a very specific level of luminosity, and the only other place I can remember seeing something like it before is over at Chanel with their Les 4 Ombres baked eyeshadows.

I’m excited to also see it at NARS now because… Remember when I was going through that phase when I was all about mattes? Well, now I’m all about luminosity.

You know how it is… These things are cyclical.

Availability

There are two of them in the NARS Spring 2017 (I almost typed “2016”) Wildfire Collection, which is available now, and they’re $35 each. Chiang Mai, the sky blue and reddish copper one, is limited edition, and the smoky violet and opalescent pink one, Thessalonique, is permanent.

I’ve looked around, and I haven’t spotted any exact NARS duo dupes, which is exciting.

The Wildfire color story references the earth, but not in a typical greens and browns way. The colors are more like a red rock cliff overlooking a bright blue sky and a valley speckled with spring wildflowers.

I’m feelin’ it.

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OK, well, my blending skills have gone to absolute crap over the past two weeks, because I did not take major advantage of the holidays to go buck wild with my makeup.

This is the time of year when it’s totally OK to roll into the office (or the library or the Pier One) with double-stacked lashes on a Tuesday afternoon because the accounting department is hosting their annual cookie party, but I kinda took the past two weeks off from hardcore makeup testing and wearing…

(I am, however, testing a great skin care product that I’m excited to tell you about, but that post isn’t quite ready yet. Soon…)

Consequently, since I feel a little rusty with my blending skills, I eased my way back into eye makeup today with these new $28 NARS Wildfire Collection Spring 2017 Velvet Shadow Sticks.

The line already exists, but these are four new shades for spring. There’s a frosty sky blue, a shimmering bronze, a bronzed orange and a satiny rich purple, which, OMG! — will make you drop to your knees and thank the universe for giving us the glory and the greatness that is NARS (don’t miss out on it!).

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