Tabs

Back in his DJ days, Tabs used to love raves, but the demands of his career as a world-class kitty supermodel kept him out of the club scene for years.

Now that he’s semi-retired and can stay up late and sleep in again, he wants to get back into dance parties.

Unfortunately, his pet assistant’s side hustle as the parent of a toddler interferes with her enthusiasm to start partying after 11. That didn’t stop Tabs from organizing his own rave this weekend — complete with glow paint.

All of the cool cats in the neighborhood were invited, but it turns out that Harris down the street chose the same night to throw his own bunco night cat pajama party…so attendence was severely limited because of that.

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Some cats forget that Tabs wasn’t always just the Chief Feline Officer (CFO) of one of the largest multinational media empires in the greater Novato area. He was also the first kitty supermodel of the modern era.

In fact, he practically invented all of the major cat modeling poses in widespread use today.

He also pioneered kitty couture and cat-themed print modeling in the beauty biz.

And all of that was in his second career. Before becoming a world-renowned kitty supermodel, Tabs also played professional cat football for the Mill Valley Wildcats.

He still holds the record for the most touchdowns by a feline tight end.

The only reason he retired was because of an untimely injury…

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The white narcissus are blooming here, and Tabs felt it was his duty to show the kitten kitty models out there how to rock a statement floral collar.

Off the shoulder…

BAM!

In other news, this morning’s patrol was uneventful. Ever since Harris and Tabs signed their peace agreement, all of the cats on the circle have ceased hostilities, so we’re enjoying a period of diva détente, however brief it lasts…

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It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…it was the winter of Tabs’ discontent, because it was raining, and there was *no way in heck* he was going to subject his award-winning kitty coat to that much humidity on the day of the Golden Globes.

Tabs had planned to fly down to Beverly Hills today to co-host the show with Sandra Oh and Andy Samberg, but a freak Nor’wester rolled in, and the FAA (Feline Aviation Administration) grounded all feline operated airlines.

Oh, well…

He decided to take advantage of the unexpected opening in his schedule to catch up on his journal with a nice cup of catnip tea.

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Tabs is startin’ the party early! He’s already got his New Year’s getup picked out. To be honest, he was hoping to get into a New Year’s brawl with Harris today, but Harris was nowhere to be found, so peace reigned over the neighborhood this morning.

This hat was inspired by fireworks, masquerade balls and Adam Levine’s too-tight jeans.

Tabs showed surprising restraint when he designed it. I thought he was going to just completely encrust it in jewels and gems, but instead, he went more of a minimalist route.

I still think it looks good.

Vogue did a write-up, and they called it genius. I have to agree, but what do I know about fashion?

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Tabs gave new meaning to the words “haute cat-ure” and “oh, dear” this weekend by unveiling his latest creative cat fashion creation, the Regal Red Reindeer festive collar (complete with jingle bells) and accessorizing headgear.

And he couldn’t trust his regular hat person, Jean Luc, for this project, despite Jean Luc’s impeccable reputation as the best milliner on the Champs Elysées. Tabs couldn’t risk the design being leaked to the fashion press before today’s big unveiling, so he kept the final design under lock and key and worked through the night shaping the reindeer antlers himself.

Expect to see cats everywhere wearing these by spring because, as you know, Tabs has impeccable fashion instincts. I mean, he’s the trendsetter of trendsetters.

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I think the only animal, cat or human, who can pull off a sequined red bomber jacket and a snow white rose collar together while taking a casual Sunday morning stroll is Tabs, obviously.

I mean, maybe Elton John could pull it off. Maybe. But I don’t know… Tabs has a special gift for working the flashy and the sweet and putting it all together so that he looks just as great cruising the streets of Novato as he looks on the cobblestone pathways of Milan.

Oftentimes, people will ask me if he’s actually an Italian cat, and I’ll be like, “No, he’s from Mill Valley, California, but he does dress like he’s European.”

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Only two weeks to go before Catsmas! ???

Some of the employees have been taking advantage of the season to crawl into work a little late and sneak away a little early, which Tabs ain’t having none of, so he guarded the front entrance today to make sure there weren’t any stragglers dilly-dallying.

Because, as you know, according to the Tabs the Cat Industries LLC Employee Handbook, employees must be seated in their chairs or on top of their desks 30 minutes prior to their official start time, with their computers booted up so they can peruse the latest kitty modeling pics of Tabs on the company website.

While Tabs was outside, he spotted a rival doing a photo shoot in the area and surveilled her to assess her kitty modeling potential.

After determining that her posing wasn’t all that, he did a little gardening, and then returned to his security duties…

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