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Normally, Tabs goes on patrol first thing on Sunday morning, but today was the first official meeting of the Novato Cat Gardeners Club. Tabs was not deterred by the fact that there are currently only two members, one of which is technically a small human who likes to think of herself as a cat.
On today’s agenda, which was not printed in Comic Sans: pick the ripe cherry tomatoes.
Now, is this easy to do with paws? No, but Tabs relishes the challenge.
At first, everything seemed fine on this morning’s patrol…
Last week’s creation of D.I.V.A. (the Division of Inconsiderate Varmint Arrest), the special feline forces security unit of Tabs the Cat Industries LLC, appeared to restore peace and security to the community.
Harris the cat, whom as you may recall attempted a daring daylight robbery of the company barbecue, was nowhere to be found.
Tabs checked everywhere…
Yesterday, July 21, was a day that will live in infamy. Just as we feared, the feud between Harris the cat and Tabs finally boiled over. Early yesterday morning, while Tabs was doing his rounds and checking all the office doors and windows, he spotted a suspicious long-haired brown tabby through the sliding glass door in the employee lounge. The tabby was canoodling up to the corporate barbecue.
Without approval.
It was a gross violation of company policy, and Tabs, as CFO (Chief Feline Officer) of Tabs the Cat Industries LLC, knew he had to act. Immediately, Tabs poofed up his tail, raised up on his haunches, and proceeded to mewl at the top of his lungs, but Harris was undeterred. He taunted Tabs through the window, faux-nonchalantly licking his paw and kitty hugging the barbecue.
This standoff continued for 20 minutes until eventually Harris wandered off, but it highlighted serious problems with company security.
This morning, by executive order, Tabs created the new Division of Inconsiderate Varmint Arrest, or D.I.V.A., a new special feline forces squad, and he personally conducted the first patrol himself.
Sunday is summer fun day at Chateau Tabby, and even though Tabs takes his role as CFO (Chief Feline Officer) of Tabs the Cat Industries LLC seriously, that doesn’t mean feline fashion has to suffe, so today Tabs sported his new summer fun collar on this morning’s security patrol.
You know Tabs. He always finds a way to mix business with pleasure. 🙂
In fact, Tabs was actually hoping the paparazzi would come around today because he felt particularly fetching, but no such luck. It was an uneventful patrol, which is good I guess, because the last thing I need is to do is break up another feline fight club.
What do you think of the new collar?
Tabs is contemplating making these mandatory for all employees throughout the rest of summer.
I’m lobbying to allow an exception for the humans…
Tabs woke up this morning feelin’ himself.
His fashion philosophy is usually more is more, but today it was more is more is more is more! — hence all of the luscious and lovely colors in his collars today.
The Fourth of July. Independence Day. It’s this week!
As I’m sure you’re aware, Tabs is a strong supporter of independence, particularly as it pertains to his. He’s a very independent cat as long as his assistants, trainees and advisors always immediately do his bidding.
For Fourth of July this week, Tabs ordered the Textiles Department to mass produce his award-winning incredibly couture commemorative red, white and blue cat collar.
Here he is modeling it for your enjoyment. If you’re interested in purchasing one, leave him a comment down below. Tabs hasn’t decided on a price yet, but expect it to cost a few thousand dollars, which is typical for something this incredibly stylish and couture. 🙂
Your friendly neighborhood beauty addict,
Karen
This morning’s patrol was very serious business. It warranted a purple alert due to a turkey gang sighting on the hill. Tabs spotted the ringleader and scared him off, after which point things were pretty uneventful.
A lot of people and cats don’t know this, but purple is the official Tabs the Cat Industries LLC company color, and a purple alert signifies an all-hands-on-deck emergency — something like a hostile turkey takeover or cat corporate espionage.
The last time we had a full-on purple alert was when a kitty modeling competitor (Harris the cat) vandalized the official company catnip plant in the front yard.
Tabs went BALLISTIC.
As a member of the First Order and a former Sith, Tabs has embraced The Dark Side…
Actually, he alternates between Sith and Jedi, depending on the gravy situation.
This weekend for Father’s Day, to give props to his male human assistant, who’s a big Star Wars fan and a daddy, Tabs wore his new Stormtrooper tie on patrol.
