Tabs

Not even wet paws could keep Inspector Tabby from doing his rounds this morning. He thoroughly inspected every inch of the circle looking for perpetrators and infiltrators, neither of which he found.

He did detect something skulking around one of the houses nearby…

I don’t know what it was, but he perked up, pointed and hissed to show it who was boss.

He checked every nook and cranny this time, too. It was pretty early, like about 6:30, so the birds were chirping like cray, but none of the humans were out.

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Tabs hopped up on the bed this morning shortly after dawn, as he usually does, mugging for lurvies. He has this very specific routine where he first walks around the top of the bed behind the pillows, then goes down between me and El Hub, and then from there he either attempts to place a possessive paw on top of my chest or El Hub’s. Then he tries to climb up on top of one of us for whisker and cheek scratches.

It rained every day this week, a lot, so Tabs didn’t get to go outside like he usually does, and I think he was starting to get depressed about it. He would climb up onto his window ledge and stare at the rain outside. Then he’d look back at me with the saddest tabby eyes. 🙁

But it was really pouring! There was no way he would have wanted to be out there in that rain anyway.

We’ve tried it before. We’ve gone outside when it was raining, but as soon as one of his delicate paws touched the wet ground, he started mewling like he was saying, “Why? Why is this happening? Why!?”

When I saw that it wasn’t raining this morning, I quickly grabbed his harness, and we went for a walk outside.

Because of the rain, the hills are green and lush right now, and everything’s growing.

We inspected the entire perimeter but didn’t spot any intruders, so then it was time for brunch. Tabs had the green salad, of course.

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It’s almost time for the Super Bowl! — and the Puppy and Kitten Bowls, of course.

Tabs flew out to Houston early yesterday morning because he’s one of the officials in the Kitten Bowl this year.

Yeah, they needed someone who played the game and understands how to work in front of a camera. Yup, he still gets jobs like that because of his career with the Mill Valley Wildcats.

Other than officiating the big game today, Tabs has been working a lot on his spiritual and mental well being this week. He’s been feeling a lot of pressure lately, getting older in the kitty modeling world.

I mean, it’s not easy staying at the top as long as he has.

Sure, it takes dedication and hard work, but it also takes a strong will and a healthy mind.

That’s where downtime and meditation come into play…

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My dearest loves of my life,

Spring is around the corner, and as I sit here atop my tower, I’m thinking about the new couch my assistant plans to purchase.

Mmm… I can’t wait. I’m already dreaming about digging my claws into its untouched fabric, leaving my scent on the pillows and luxuriating upon every cushion.

I wonder if the couch will be classified as “forbidden.” I’m hoping that it will be because that just makes my defiance all the sweeter.

I’ve also heard whispers of the carpet being replaced on the stairs… We’ll see about that. For now, the stairs remain my personal playground and the primary location where I sharpen my claws. I’ve consulted my attorneys about this, and I’m waiting for a callback as to whether I will need to pursue legal recourse.

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Tabs is definitely a cat of the people, but he can’t deny that he has a taste for the finer things.

When I think of Tabs, I think “luxury personified.” Like, he wears head-to-toe Tiffany jewelry just to walk downstairs and have gravy on a Tuesday.

Sometimes on Sundays he likes to just sit around and quietly celebrate his fabulous fanciness, so he’ll ask me to light his favorite Tom Ford candle so that he may enjoy his jewels by candlelight.

It’s much more romantic that way. 🙂

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Don’t get it twisted. Just because Tabs is a senior tabby doesn’t mean he’s lost his mojo. He’s just as sexy today as he was 10 years ago. I witness it on a daily basis.

When he wants to turn on the charm, like when he’s begging for food, he sits there so sensually… I think, dayuuum, dude! — if you were out on the prowl, all the lady cats would be up in your mix.

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I forgot where it was that I heard or read this (I think it was a meme), but what is it up with cats and storms? It’s like they love and hate them.

We’ve been having some stormy weather since last night with heavy rain and high winds, and on the one hand/paw, Tabs seems terrified when the rain is coming down in buckets, and the wind is howling and blowing water into the windows like a fire hose. On the other hand, he loves it.

He alternates between cowering under his cat tower, and staring outside from his window perch to get a better view.

As much as he seems afraid of the storm, he can’t resist wanting to be out there in it.

It’s like he craves the excitement, and he wants the storm to keep getting bigger and bigger. Even though it terrifies him!

Cats.

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Tabs didn’t waste a minute before he started enforcing his new healthy 2017 workout and nutrition regimen for Team MBB. No, sir. Every member of the team has to do their part. Of course, as supervisory tabby, his exertion is more figurative than literal. He doesn’t break a sweat, but he still takes his managerial responsibilities very seriously.

This morning we all worked out to a brutal 1,000-calorie HIIT YouTube workout video by Christine Salus, and Tabs made sure everyone kept pace.

He was all business. He didn’t allow any slacking.

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