Tabs

Tabs isn’t just about brawn and beauty. He’s brainy, too. Like, did you know that he has a degree in women’s studies from UC Davis, and that this fall he’s pursuing his PhD in peace and conflict studies at UC Berkeley?

I guess that probably doesn’t surprise you. I mean, why would it? After all, Tabs is a cat who gets sh*t done.

With the new school year right around the corner, we’ve been preparing things here at Tabs the Cat Industries, LLC for his scholarly schedule. He’ll still be doing kitty modeling, of course, but school will be his priority. I’ve been tasked with researching back-to-school cat-themed supplies, and here are 17 of them. 🙂

1. 2016 Weekly Planner Graphic Cats Engagement Calendar ($9.95)

If you liked it then you should’ve put a cat on it! This weekly calendar will keep you organized while showing the world your penchant for all of teh kittehs.

2. Hello Kitty Pouch: B&W Check Collection ($15.50)

Store your pencils, pens and emergency cat treats in this chic black pencil pouch…

3. Assorted Curious Cats Pencils with Toppers ($18.75)

Why settle for just one cat pencil with a topper when you can have a variety?

4. Cat With Cherry Pink Backpack ($13.99)

—-> Quite possibly the cutest backpack EVAR. If they made cat-sized versions, Tabs would totally rock this, no doubt.

5. Hello Kitty Trapper Keeper Binder ($10.99)

Store your assignments in this stylish Trapper Keeper to protect them from homework-eating canines.

6. Cute Cat Insulated Lunch Tote ($19.99)

Lunch, otherwise known as “my feline employer’s favorite subject.”
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Hello, my loves. Aloha!

Even though I was born and raised here in Marin County, California, I consider myself a local boy because of my strong ties to Hawaii. One of my assistants is from there, and I try to visit the islands often. I love the welcoming aloha spirit, the diversity, the climate and the fresh seafood.

This tutorial is a celebration of color inspired by a favorite local treat called shave ice. Not “shaved ice,” but “shave ice.” Something to wear next time you’re feeling tropical and sweet.

Mahalo nui loa,
Tabs

My darlings,

Reading is one of my favorite pastimes… Yes, kitty models read! My life is not just quick quips on social media. I also love getting lost in the pages of a good book, and here are 15 of my very favorite reads — all of them highly recommended for both cats and professional pet assistants.

1. National Geographic Field Guide to the Birds of North America ($19, amazon.com)

Because I’ve always enjoyed locally sourced food. This field guide is a must for any serious feline chef.

I suppose you could also use it for birding too.

2. Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life ($9.72, amazon.com)

Speaking of birds, I reread this book at least once a year. Yes, it’s that good. It’s filled with lots of practical advice for writers and will make you laugh along the way.

It’s a classic in the writing genre, and it really helped me get through my memoirs. I particularly like the advice on not self-editing while you write your first draft.

3. Chanel: Collections and Creations ($32.47, amazon.com)

I turn to this book whenever I need inspiration. It’s filled with lovely, luxuriant pictures on every aspect of Chanel — clothes, jewelry, accessories, makeup, fragrance — from throughout the brand’s storied history.

I always keep it on my coffee table next to a bowl of Feline Greenies.

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14 Pictures of Tabs in a Box

All the great kitty supermodels have to earn their chops posing with cardboard, and before they can move into catalog work or runway, they have to demonstrate a certain level of kitty cardboard aptitude.

It isn’t an easy prop to work with, either. It takes some cats years to master the art of acting like they’re completely hidden when just their head is covered, or figuring out how to fit into boxes that are clearly too small for them. Or the most difficult cardboard skill of all — hopping in and out of boxes over and over again for no apparent reason.

But good cardboard box modeling skills are probably the best overall indicator of kitty modeling greatness. Nothing else showcases a kitty model’s full repertoire of modeling moves like cardboard boxes.

Case in point, the following examples from my employer’s portfolio… 🙂

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Dear Diary,

Ah, summer… This is my favorite time of year.

Oh! Right as I typed that I realized that I’d forgotten about spring, which I also love because of the great salad, but this is definitely my second favorite time of year.

I’ve been spending a lot of time outside. Between my gardening and trying to secure the perimeter, there’s so much to do. It seems like some cat or another is always trying to infiltrate the property. The cats around here have no respect for boundaries, I tell ya, and I really don’t like it when cats come over uninvited.

The gardens are doing very well. The hibiscus are blooming, and they smell divine. And the tomatoes? They’re going off! I don’t care much about the fleshy fruit, but the leaves taste outstanding. You should try them sometime. They’re fantastic in a salad with a side of sunflower leaves and grass.

You know, I sure do love gardening, and I think I have a green paw for it because everything about it comes naturally.

Except for the watering, of course. I don’t do the watering. I leave that to my landscaper/assistant.

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Dear Tabby is written by Tabs the cat, widely considered “the world’s first plus-size kitty supermodel.” Founded in mid 2012, it has quickly become the most popular cat advice column on earth — known for its fresh, feline perspective on lifestyle, fashion and style issues affecting cats and humans.

Aspiring singer trying to find his voice

The hills are aliiiive, with the sound of MEOW-siiiic!

Dear Tabby,

Oh, my gosh! I can’t even begin to tell you how much I love singing. It’s all I think about. Singing in the morning, singing at night, singing when I’m just walking around the house. It’s my passion.

I’m always singing! — except not around other cats, though, or people, which I know is weird, but I haven’t really done much singing professionally yet because, well…I’m still a kitten, and also because I have pretty terrible stage fright.

Really. It’s very bad, Tabby. It’s so bad that I can’t even meow. I just freeze up and stand there shaking.

Have you ever had stage fright before? I don’t imagine you have, because you’re so famous, but I thought I’d ask anyway. I mean, do you ever get nervous before you perform? If so what do you do?

-A Terrified Tenor

DEAR TERRIFIED TENOR: Anyone who tells you that they never get nervous or afraid in front of groups is either being funny or fibbing. Everyone gets stage fright sometimes. It’s completely natural.

The thing is, it really does get easier the more you perform, and the more you put yourself out there. You start to realize, “Heck, what’s the worst that could happen?” So you miss a note or forget your lyrics or something. Guess what? Even when it does happen, it’s not a big deal. You’ll be fine. And you’ll get better over time if you just hang in there, and chalk it up to practice.

An unlikely friendship

Dear Mr. Tabby,

First, I should say that I’m a big fan of yours, sir. I’m also…

Well this is a little awkward for me, and I’m not exactly sure how to proceed, but basically, I am a member of the canine persuasion. I am what they commonly refer to as “a dog.” But I am also a cat fan, which is what brings me to my reason for contacting you.

See, it’s about my friend Charles, who is an orange tabby cat. He is also the absolute best friend that I have ever had.

As you can probably imagine, this has been a source of drama in our local dog community. Some of my colleagues have questioned my integrity. Some have even gone so far as to question my sanity, but they don’t know Charles like I do. He’s fluffy and funny and exciting, and we have a lot of fun together.

I just don’t want to have to choose between Charles and my canine brothers. Tabby, from what you know about dogs, do you think Charles and I will ever find acceptance, or do you think it’s a lost cause?

-Roof Times

DEAR ROOF TIMES: I wouldn’t call myself a trusting kitty because I’m actually very territorial, but I have known some dogs who were good people.

I’m hopeful that things will get better. The world definitely needs more canine cat crusaders, but I think it all boils down to education. Dogs just need to know that cats aren’t simply playthings that are designed for chasing. We’re also pretty good company once you get to know us.

Maybe you could start by hosting a gathering for local cats and your dog friends. Keep it super low key, and maybe have voluntary muzzles available and designate different areas for cats and dogs while everyone sniffs things out and gets to know each other.
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Dear Tabby is written by Tabs the cat, widely considered “the world’s first plus-size kitty supermodel.” Founded in mid 2012, it has quickly become the most popular cat advice column on earth — known for its fresh, feline perspective on lifestyle, fashion and style issues affecting cats and humans.

A cat wonders if he should conform

‘Tsup Tabby,

Up ’round the NYC they call me DJ Scratches, but my real name is Dorian Gray. My crew and I just relocated from the city to a small town upstate, and I’m having a hard time connecting with the locals. None of the cats here understand my style, and they tease me and whatnot.

The cats here are more preppy, and maybe I am a little bit out there, but I mean, should I change my style to fit in? I respect your opinion, Tabby.

-Out of Place Upstate

DEAR OUT OF PLACE: The beauty of fashion is individuality. Please do not change your style to appease someone else. The world would be a boring place if we didn’t have style rebels and cats with unique points of view like yourself, so keep doing what you’re doing.

May I suggest starting a style blog to bridge the divide and create a place where different styles are celebrated? It might coax other cats in your area into expressing themselves.

There is no “I” in team

Dear Tabby,

I’ve been booking a lot of kitty modeling jobs lately with this guy named Boris because we have fantastic camera chemistry, but behind the scenes we hate each other.

Honestly, I don’t know how much longer I can take it, but the pay is really good. Basically, if I could find a way to get them to fire Boris and hire a replacement, things would be great, but how should I go about doing that?

-Bye Bye Boris

DEAR BYE BYE: Well, you don’t. I hate to break it to you, but in this industry, you have to learn how to work with others. It’s about being professional for the job, and you might as well learn that now, because you can’t be pulling that diva sh*t as a mid-tier kitty model. Once you’ve been on the cover of five or six magazines, then maybe you could be the diva, but for now you have to learn how to play the game. Suck it up.
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