Tabs

Upgrade your summer fun with a-meow-zing clothes and accessories that speak to your cat lady soul. Here are some primo cat-themed contenders hand-picked by moi and approved by Tabs. 🙂

Know an Eccentric or Two Swimsuit Top ($49.99) and Bottom ($39.99)

Because you’ve always dreamed of wearing a two-piece swimsuit with kittens and cupcakes floating in space. Top and bottom available now at modcloth.com.

Velvet Sphynx Here Kitty Kitty Top ($90) and Bottom ($90)

Kitty eyes are watching mew! Top and bottom available now at velvetsphynx.com.

Velvet Sphynx On the Prowl Top ($60) and Bottom ($58)

For discerning cat ladies who prowl at the pool. Top and bottom available now at velvetsphynx.com.
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Serving up uncomfortable decisions since 2007!

We haven’t done a YOU MUST CHOOSE post in…I can’t even remember when the last one was. Tabs feels that we should rectify that ish with a special Tabs Edition. 🙂

Sooo…what is YOU MUST CHOOSE?

It’s just a game I used to play at work with my BFF Naaman when we got really bored. You present two really messed-up scenarios and make your friend choose between the two, mwahahahahaha!

Choices like…

Would you rather have an unlimited gravy supply or unlimited outside time?
YOU MUST CHOOSE!

Would you rather be feared or loved?
YOU MUST CHOOSE!

Would you rather be an awesome mouser or an amazing birder?
YOU MUST CHOOSE!

Would you rather hang out with Garfield, or hang out with Morris?
YOU MUST CHOOSE!

Would you rather be blessed with a luxurious, fluffy tum or a luxurious fluffy tail?
YOU MUST CHOOSE!

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Dear Tabby is written by Tabs the cat, widely considered “the world’s first plus-size kitty supermodel.” Founded in mid 2012, it has quickly become the most popular cat advice column on earth — known for its fresh, feline perspective on lifestyle, fashion and style issues affecting cats and humans.

Overworked orange tabby needs a break

Dear Tabby,

The last time I went on a trip, it was not at all what I expected. I thought I’d booked a 10-day cruise to Hawaii, but instead I ended up at the vet.

I trusted my assistant to make the arrangements, but she clearly failed. I desperately need a vacation, but I can’t afford to have anything like that happen again.

Tabby, can you recommend any travel websites or cat-friendly tours? I’d really like to see the Great Wall.

-Hankering for a Holiday

DEAR HANKERING: I hear that Costco has some good deals, but I think my assistant usually uses Expedia.

You might want to start by taking a shorter overnight trip — something easy to arrange. You wouldn’t even need your assistant’s help to arrange something like that. You could pack an overnight bag with essentials (if you’re looking for some delicious travel-friendly cat treats, I highly recommend these), and spend the night out.

It may not be as glamorous as Madrid or China, but it might help you unwind and clear your head.

A cat wonders if the time is right to make a major career move

Dear Tabby,

I live in a very small town in Minnesota (Stillwater born and bred!), where I work as the town’s only suitcase model.

I love Minnesota, but I’m starting to feel like I can’t go any further here in my career. My dream is to model someday for Chanel and Louis Vuitton, but I’m afraid I’ll never reach that level of feline suitcase modeling unless I move. What should I do?

-Longing for L.V.

DEAR LONGING: I admire your ambition and drive, because that’s what it takes to reach the pinnacle in this business. If you want it bad enough, it’s worth the sacrifice.

My first question for you is this: are you sure you’ve learned everything you can in Stillwater? If so, then I say go for it! Next stop: New York, Milan or Paris.

Best of luck in your future endeavors. Work hard, and keep me posted.
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Dear Diary,

With my birthday coming up (I turn 10-ish on Tuesday!), I’ve been feeling particularly generous, and to share the love, I decided to grant both of my assistants a few days off for good behavior.

My motives weren’t entirely selfless, however. Truth is, I could really use some time to myself.

I know that my public persona is one of a jet-setting tabby who goes from party to party, hanging out with Bono one night and RyGos the next, but let’s be real. That’s totally true, but sometimes I just want to chill, and you know what they say — a cat’s home is his castle.

So I sent my people to NOLA while I celebrate turning 10 here, but I won’t be flying completely solo. After all, no cat is an island. My favorite petsitter will also be here to dote on me, and one of his responsibilities will be working the remotes so that I can catch up on Game of Thrones.

When I’m not napping, of course.
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So what does this particular cat lady want for her upcoming birthday?

Um…how about anything at all from this list? 🙂

I gave this list of cat lady birthday gift ideas to Tabs in the hopes that he would find it in his tiny tabby heart to get his most loyal assistant something for her birthday this year.

But yeah…I’m definitely not getting my hopes up.

1. The Crazy CatLadyBox

Give her the gift that keeps giving! Gift your favorite feline enthusiast with a subscription to CatLadyBox, a new subscription service that sends her a monthly box filled with cat-themed items. I recommend that you upgrade to the CRAZY CatLadyBox, which includes goodies for the resident kitty-in -charge, too. Available now at catladybox.com, $39.99.

2. Mewgaroo Sweatshirt

This cozy sweatshirt with a front pouch keeps both cat lady and kitty warm. Available now at unihabit.

3. I Was Normal Three Cats Ago

Enough said. Available now at MittenMadeDesigns, $15.

4. Crazy Cat Lady Pouch

The timeless colors of this elegant black and white cosmetics pouch are always in fashion. Fill with makeup, cat treats or both. Available now at Zana Products, $20.

5. Crazy Cat Lady Birthday Card

The purr-fect card for your favorite CCL. Available now at LovelyCuppa, $3.14.

6. Crazy Cat Lady Stick Figure Family

Let everyone on the street know that you’re living the dream with these Crazy Cat Lady stickers for your car. Available now at PMVinyls, $10.

7. Ceramic Cat Bowl With Sprinkle Pattern

These black and white sprinkle ceramic cat-head shaped bowls can be used for jewelry, candles, makeup, cat treats… Available now at ZanaProducts, $45.

8. Cat Magnet

Keep your cray cat lady’s desk neat and tidy with this Cat Magnet. Available now at Urban Outfitters, $14.

9. Project Social T Peeking Cat Tee

Dress up your favorite pair of cat-hair covered skinny jeans with this tabby cat tee. Available now at Urban Outfitters, $34.
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My darlings,

My birthday, which I share with my assistant on June 9th, is coming up in a couple weeks (we’re Geminis!), and to help her help me, I’ve created this very special cat gift wish list.

Let’s hope she gets the hint.

Love ya more than catnip,

Tabs

1. Neon Kitten Birthday Cake

What’s a birthday without a fabulous birthday cake?! I’m taking this picture of this neon kitten birthday cake to my personal chef for inspiration. All of the pictures will be of me, of course. Via craftsy.com.

2. World’s Best Cat Trophy, $9.49

Because, obviously. Available now at perpetualkid.com.

3. Microchip Pet Door, $200

Because in-and-out privileges are a right, not a luxury. By scanning your microchip, this high-tech pet door allows you to freely enter and exit your home while also keeping your enemies out. Available now at sureflap.com.

4. Hepper Hi-Lo Cat Scratching Post, $67

Birthday cats who appreciate clean lines in design will love this unique scratching post. Available now at hepper.com.

5. Hepper Pod Cat Bed, $147

I love how this herringbone cat bed matches with so many different fur patterns and fur colors. Available now at hepper.com.

6. Three-story indoor/outdoor cat home, $199.95

Clearly, a one-story cat home isn’t enough. For the birthday cat who’s motto is “more is more.” Available now at plowhearth.com.

7. Cat Keyboard Scratcher, $11.99

Sing us a song, you’re the piano man cat! A fabulous gift for musical felines. Available now at perpetualkid.com.
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My darlings,

Ever since I won my first Oscar, Best Lead Feline in a Meow-tion Picture, for my performance in The Cat’s Speech, the tabloids have been saying that I’ve quit high fashion kitty modeling.

Well, I’m here to set the record straight. I am still, and always will be, first and foremost, a kitty supermodel.

As a matter of fact, just this weekend I shot several jewelry campaigns that will be running in the glossies. Here’s a sneak peek at what you’ll be seeing over the next few months in the pages of Feline Vogue.

Jewelry in this post…

• Kristin Perry Webbed in Turquoise Necklace, $48
• Kristin Perry Diana Necklace, $68
• Forever 21 Mint Necklace(no longer available, but here’s something similar)
• Kristin Perry Audrey Necklace, $58
• Anthropologie Layering Necklace (here’s something similar)
• Anthropologie Bib Necklace (something similar)
• LOFT Necklace (something similar)
• Banana Republic Long Layering Necklace (something similar)
• Kristin Perry Jewel Saturation Necklace, $68

Kristin Perry Webbed in Turquoise Necklace

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