Tabs

Who is Tabs the Cat? About six years ago I befriended a stray, flea-bitten tabby cat with a bad case of worms. I could see he’d fallen on hard times, but his profound knowledge of high fashion and department store cosmetics led me to believe that he was more than meets the eye. We became fast friends, and now he’s actually my boss (and a successful kitty model).

It’s that time again!

Yup, gravy time. 🙂

Just kidding… Sort of. I mean it’s Sunday — time for another installment of Sundays With Tabs, world-famous kitty supermodel/blogger/entrepreneur — and it’s almost time to give him a can of Fancy Feast Gravy Lover’s for dinner.

I usually do it right before we go to bed, and he meows up a storm!

This week’s installment of Sundays With Tabs features five new ad campaigns starring Tabs. Let him know which one is your favorite, too. He always values your opinion.

Hope you had a great weekend. Tonight I’m just doing a zillion loads of laundry and getting in as much Lifetime television watching as possible — you know, to fuel up for the week.

See you very soon.

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Dear Tabby is written by Tabs the Cat, commonly regarded as “the world’s first plus-size kitty supermodel.” Founded in mid 2012, it has quickly become the most widely syndicated cat advice column on earth — known for its fresh, feline perspective on lifestyle, fashion and style issues affecting cats and humans.

Fur to dye for?

DEAR TABBY: One of my roommate cats, Fluffy, has started going gray. She’s developing patches of salt-and-pepper fur, but the thing is, she’s only four years old!

The other day we were outside looking for lizards together when a tomcat walked by. He gestured toward Fluffy and asked, “mrow?” Is she your mommy cat?

Um…I flipped out. Tabby, Fluffy is only six months older than me.

Fluffy didn’t seem to mind, but I suggested that she dye her fur. I’ve seen some really trendy styles (I love lion cuts) and dye jobs online.

I’ve been toying with the idea of surprising her with a free trip to the kitty salon, but what do you think, Tabby? Would it be an appropriate gift?

— Helpful in Houston

DEAR HELPFUL: Unless you want a big surprise of your own (in the shape of sharp claws and a really angry cat), don’t do it.

I know that in today’s kitten-obessed culture, going gray early isn’t always viewed in a positive light, but it should be. Most cats don’t mind, and some even sport the look on purpose, believing it makes them look more distinguished.

My advice: learn to accept and appreciate your roommate for the kitty she is.

A not-so-model citizen

DEAR TABBY: My co-worker, Buttons, is always asking to borrow money for gravy and catnip, and I usually say yes. But it makes me uncomfortable. We work together at the same kitty modeling agency and see each other every day.

Yesterday at Petco Buttons asked me for 69 cents to buy a can of Fancy Feast. I lied and told him that I didn’t have any money on me, but when I went up to the register to get my gravy with my VISA debit card, Buttons pranced over and told the cashier to also ring up his can on my card.

I was shocked! The nerve…

I work hard for my gravy, Tabby, but I wouldn’t mind so much if Buttons reciprocated. Of course, he never does. What should I do? I’m saving up for grad school right now (I just got accepted into UC Davis’ Catnip Cultivation program), so I need every penny.

— Ticked in Tampa

DEAR TICKED: That is annoying! Way I see it, you can handle it in one of two ways.

You could take the cat by the claws and assertively tell Buttons to knock it off, or you can bide your time until you leave for school.

Whatever you decide, don’t feel bad. You’re not in the wrong. Buttons is taking advantage.

Office romances: yea or nay?

DEAR TABBY: What are your thoughts on inter-office romances? Specifically, I’m referring to two assistants dating.

My executive assistant, Charlene, whom I’ve worked with since I was a kitten, has been spending a great deal of time at another assistant’s office.

The assistant’s name is Bob, and he lives in the apartment next door.

Bob moved in about six months ago, and I recognized his potential shortly after he arrived. He’s friendly, professional, attentive, and gifted in kitty massage. Tabby, he has all the makings of an exemplary executive assistant.

Charlene must have noticed it, too, because she and Bob have been getting along swimmingly. Either she’s at his office, or he’s at ours.

In a way, I have access to two assistants — which I love! I can send Bob out to get gravy while Charlene brushes my fur.

It’s fantastic!

But I’m worried…

What if their relationship sours? I don’t want to have to choose sides.

— Living Large in Los Angeles

DEAR LIVING LARGE: This may sound old-fashioned, but I’m not a huge fan of inter-office romances.

I know they’re common nowadays, but they can be bad news if things don’t work out. And that kind of distraction could be bad for business.

With that said, you’re in a tough spot. It sounds like you have access to two great assistants.

Now, I know another cat who was in a similar situation, and he tried to sabotage the relationship by shredding the office furniture and kicking kitty litter onto the floor.

It did not go well. Both assistants ended up treating him like the villain.

In this case, I think your only option is to go with the flow. Neither you nor I can predict the future, but there is a lesson here. Next time, make sure your company has a policy against inter-office fraternization.
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Who is Tabs the Cat? About six years ago I befriended a stray, flea-bitten tabby cat with a bad case of worms. I could see he’d fallen on hard times, but his profound knowledge of high fashion and department store cosmetics led me to believe that he was more than meets the eye. We became fast friends, and now he’s actually my boss (and a successful kitty model).

Hi, babe. Hope you had a nice weekend. This was sort of a recuperative one for me. My batteries were tapped out after Vegas, I guess. I was so tired yesterday that I could barely keep my eyes open all day and didn’t get a darned thing done. I passed out before 10 last night, and slept in till 9 today.

Tabs, my kitty liege/employer, was none too pleased about that. He hopped on the bed at one point and bit me on the chin, as if to say, “B*tch, who’s gonna make my gravy!?”

Today I just did a couple things around the house, went for an easy run, Watched some TV (new eps of Portlandia on Netflix, and more of the first season of 24) and cooked a pretty good dinner, if I do say so myself, of tilapia filets on white rice with diced tomato and garlic, and a side spinach salad with candied walnuts and grilled apricot and plum slices, yum!

It was delish.

Tabs wholeheartedly agreed. He said, “meow,” about the fish, which meant a lot to me. As a world-renowned plus-size kitty supermodel, Tabs only eats premium cuisine. 🙂

Speaking of kitty modeling, here are the highlights from his week… Have a great night.

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Who is Tabs the Cat? About six years ago I befriended a stray, flea-bitten tabby cat with a bad case of worms. I could see he’d fallen on hard times, but his profound knowledge of high fashion and department store cosmetics led me to believe that he was more than meets the eye. We became fast friends, and now he’s actually my boss (and a successful kitty model).

Before we get to this week’s kitty modeling clips, a breaking news alert from F-TMZ (a feline subsidiary of TMZ)…

Fifty Feline Philanderers Find Fame Follows Foxy Fellas

NOVATO — For the fifth anniversary of his first kitty modeling spread, internationally acclaimed kitty supermodel Tabs the Cat flew 49 of his feline friends to Sin City for the weekend aboard Feline Force One, the corporate jet owned by Tabs the Cat Industries, LLC.

The huge herd of cats was seen sunning themselves by the Wave Pool at the Mandalay Bay Hotel and Casino, but sources tell F-TMZ that the gaggle of cats stayed at the ritzier Bellagio, renting out the entire top floor.

“Oh, it was him,” said one anonymous hotel employee. “He was wearing big sunglasses, but you could tell. You could tell, you know? I mean, Tabs the Cat? Come on, everyone knows him.”

Paparazzi cornered the cats outside the famous Hard Rock Hotel, blocking their entry into the casino while snapping pics. One anonymous onlooker said that Tabs performed an impromptu catwalk for the crowd, culminating in 10 minutes of tabby twerking, much to everyone’s delight.

F-TMZ will stay on this exciting story as it develops. More at 11… 🙂

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Dear Tabby is written by Tabs the Cat, commonly regarded as “the world’s first plus-size kitty supermodel.” Founded in mid 2012, it has quickly become the most widely syndicated cat advice column on earth — known for its fresh, feline perspective on lifestyle, fashion and style issues affecting cats and humans.

A dairy dilemma

DEAR TABBY: What’s the proper etiquette when it comes to disposing of leftover milk in your bowl?

I feel like dumping it out would be wasteful, and when I try to lick up every last drop, the bowl skitters and scoots across the floor, which just seems like bad decorum.

I’m thinking about having my assistant spoon feed it to me, but even that seems a bit much.

Does the answer depend on whether you’re eating in or dining out?

— Got Milk in Grand Junction

DEAR GOT MILK: If you’re dining out — say, visiting a neighbor cat — you should go easy on the bowl. You definitely don’t want to lick it with so much force that it scoots across the floor. That would be faux paw.

But if you’re at home, well, anything goes!

Order your assistant to spoon feed it to you one of these days, and see how she does. I haven’t tried that yet (not yet), but I do have my assistant hand feed me echinacea leaves from my garden, one leaf at a time.

Cat-nipped conversationalists

DEAR TABBY: I was wondering, why do some cats get so talkative on catnip? And they always, ALWAYS talk about themselves?

— Curious in Chicago

DEAR CURIOUS: They’re probably doing it because the catnip has lowered their inhibitions, encouraging them to open up.

Or, because they think the subject is fascinating, and you’re a good listener.
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Dear Tabs,

Good evening, sir. How are you? I hope you’re enjoying your extended stay-cation and the new petsitter. Getting lots of good meow time, I hope? I know how you feel about recharging your batteries.

Things are going well on this end. I miss you, of course. I have to say that I haven’t been getting a lot of downtime here on Kauai, since your kitty cousins have kept me extremely busy. Tortie Girl, TGII, Tabby Mac and Tuxie all send their regards, by the way.

In case you were wondering, yes, I did receive your request for updated profiles on each of the cats for their modeling portfolios. I’ve attached them below. I hope they are up to your standards.

Kind regards,

Karen

Tortie Girl

• AGE: 3-4? Really, now, a lady never reveals her true age!
• HOMETOWN: Lihue, Kauai, Hawaii
• CURRENT OCCUPATION: Headline entertainer at The Barbecue Pits at the Kalapaki Bay Marriott and occasional kitty model for various online publications
• THREE WORDS THAT DESCRIBE YOU: Dainty, bossy, diva
• FAVORITE HOBBIES: Sunbathing, hunting chickens and playing hide-and-seek
• WHAT YOU HOPE TO ACCOMPLISH IN YOUR LIFE: To bring joy to as many people as possible. I’m lucky that I get to do this every day at my job!

TGII

• AGE: 3 1/2 and proud of it!
• HOMETOWN: Lihue, Kauai, Hawaii
• CURRENT OCCUPATION: I’m a cat of all trades. By day, I’m a professional chicken chaser and member of the elite Hide-and-Seek Kitty League of Kauai. By night, I’m the opening act for my sister, Tortie Girl, at The Barbecue Pits at the Kalapaki Bay Marriott. In my spare time, I volunteer teaching etiquette to young cats at the TGII Charm School for Kittens.
• THREE WORDS THAT DESCRIBE YOU: Outgoing, friendly, sweetheart
• FAVORITE HOBBIES: Sleeping on laps, fitness and traveling
• WHAT YOU HOPE TO ACCOMPLISH IN YOUR LIFE: To explore the island, seek out adventure, and to teach the lost art of etiquette to as many young kittens as possible.

Tabby Mac

• AGE: 3 1/2
• HOMETOWN: Lihue, Kauai, Hawaii
• CURRENT OCCUPATION: Like my sister, TGII, I like to keep busy. First and foremost, I’m the official taste tester at the Kapalapki Bay Marriot Barbecue Pits. I also work in security/loss prevention, patrolling the perimeter of the club day and night to enforce our current reign as the kitty family in residence.
• THREE WORDS THAT DESCRIBE YOU: Handsome, husky, thug
• FAVORITE HOBBIES: Eating, staring down strangers with my piercing green eyes, and running…usually away from people
• WHAT YOU HOPE TO ACCOMPLISH IN YOUR LIFE: To protect my tortie sisters by any means necessary, and to never go hungry, no matter what.

Tuxie

• AGE: 2-3
• HOMETOWN: Lihue, Kauai, Hawaii
• CURRENT OCCUPATION: Lone wolf, scholar, researcher. I’m currently conducting a study on a family of three hotel cats and their marketing strategies. Sometimes my aloof nature leads others to think that I’m uninterested, when really, I’m just a sweet, socially awkward cat looking for love.
• THREE WORDS THAT DESCRIBE YOU: Loving, misunderstood, outsider
• FAVORITE HOBBIES: People watching, napping and writing my memoirs.
• WHAT YOU HOPE TO ACCOMPLISH IN YOUR LIFE: Even though I enjoy my alone time, I would love to someday be able to say that I changed the world, or at least the island, through my scientific pursuits. If you’re interested in helping to fund my research efforts, donations of cat treats and tuna are gladly accepted. Please leave them at The Barbecue Pits, care of Tuxie. Thank you.

Your friendly neighborhood beauty addicts,

Karen, Tortie Girl, TGII, Tabby Mac and Tuxie

Sometimes I’m absolutely amazed by Tabs…

He’s the most productive cat I know. Over the course of the past 48 hours, he held a meet-and-greet for beauty biz insiders at his cat ranch near Half Moon Bay, tried CrossFit for the first time, ran a half marathon, went to the hardware store to get supplies for his bird feeders, did the grocery shopping for the week (although all he got was gravy), tended to his garden, flew to New York to work with Elle Magazine and MAC, put on an impromptu fashion show at the mall, helped an aspiring kitty model get her big break and finished another chapter in his memoirs.

All that, and he was home in time for dinner. 🙂

Who is Tabs the Cat? About six years ago I befriended a stray, flea-bitten tabby cat with a bad case of worms. I could see he’d fallen on hard times, but his profound knowledge of high fashion and department store cosmetics led me to believe that he was more than meets the eye. We became fast friends, and now he’s actually my boss (and a successful kitty model).

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When you’re a world-famous, jet-setting plus-size kitty supermodel at the pinnacle of your career, life is not a box of chocolates. No, it’s a bag of Moroccan anchovies purchased fresh from a bazaar. It’s cilantro lime fish tacos and deep-sea fishing trips off the coast of Key West. It’s milk mimosas at the Grand Hyatt on Poipu Beach in Kauai.

This week’s kitty modeling jobs took Tabs all the way from Novato, California, to North Africa for Guerlain. As one of the busiest cats in the kitty modeling business, he even had his own driver — a nice fellow with dreams of starting his own catering company for international business felines.

Who is Tabs the Cat? About six years ago I befriended a stray, flea-bitten tabby cat with a bad case of worms. I could see he’d fallen on hard times, but his profound knowledge of high fashion and department store cosmetics led me to believe that he was more than meets the eye. We became fast friends, and now he’s actually my boss (and a successful kitty model).

It was just a quick two-day trip, Tabs’ fourth to Morocco. He’s back here at home now, sunning himself on the living room floor in the late afternoon light.

I don’t know if you follow the kitty modeling business or not, but if you do, here are his professional exploits from this week. Tabs and I hope you enjoy. 🙂

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