Tom Ford Beauty

I think I’ve finally found THE gloss to wear on the off chance that I decide to make the jump from curmudgeonly pet assistant to sultry siren: Tom Ford’s new Ultra Shine Lip Gloss in Naivete ($45).

I’ve been deeply committed to dependable my-lips-but-better glosses like MAC Ample Pink, Big Baby and Fulfilled for the past few months because, like flats with low heels, they may not be flashy, but they get the job done.

Tom, however, has me seriously rethinking that. Like a master chef, he seasoned this shiny, striking plum perfectly with a sprinkle of golden glitter and heaping spoonfuls of pigment.

POW!

I’m seduced… Naivete makes me want to play the role of tantalizing temptress. On my pout, it looks almost like patent leather, and when I see it, I want to purr (I can’t, but I want to).

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Your favorite bakery. A bell dangling over the door jingles as you enter into a world of candy sprinkles and fresh baked bread. Like a character in a cartoon, your eyes practically double in size when they see the row upon row of full-size and miniature cupcakes, all of them decorated and carefully arranged, behind a glass display case.

An unintelligible noise escapes your lips as you drift into a trance. Nnngggh… Driven by the sights and smells around you, you lumber up to the counter, dragging your feet along the polished tile floor. You order a red velvet cupcake with cream cheese frosting, and gobble the whole thing down, right then and there, before the salesperson can even hand you your change (um, yes, I have done this before).

“Oh,” she says, a little embarrassed for you.

Tom Ford Beauty’s new Lip Color in Aphrodisiac ($48) is kinda like the makeup equivalent of that.

There’s something about this intense fuchsia, with its creamy texture and satiny finish, that makes me think of an all-you-can-eat cupcake buffet, where I get to devour dozens of rich, indulgent cupcakes without upsetting my muffin top. 🙂

Vivid fuchsia lippies like this one always light my fire because they make bright, polished looks so incredibly easy. A little liner, some mascara, a bright blush (Tom Ford’s Narcissist, perhaps?) and one layer of lipstick, and I’m ready for almost —

HOLY MOTHER OF TABS! $48?! Are you kidding me?!

Yes, ma’am, in this case, that ease of use also costs an arm and a leg (seriously, Tom, have you ever heard of a sale?).

To its credit, though, Aphrodisiac does seem pretty special for a fuchsia lip product; it’s probably one of the smoothest, most pigmented lippies I’ve ever worn.

Somehow, even when my lips are dry, gnarly and totally ewww, Aphrodisiac still manages to look and feel smooth…

Smooth like Jeremy Renner pouring you a glass of red wine after a candlelit dinner at home and firing up his Jodeci mid-’90s slow jams playlist.

(Gurl, you know that would be pretty damn smooth.)