Let it be known that I did not intend to walk out of the salon last night with darker and shorter hair, but thanks to some tough love from my friend/stylist/hair angel Alis Dokakis, I love how it turned out. Thank goodness for the people in our lives who sit us down and talk sense into us when we need to be saved from ourselves, because, yes, girl…I’ve been stuck in major a hair rut. Perhaps also a life rut? (More on that in a few.) I desperately needed a hair intervention but didn’t realize it. Last night Alis sat me down, listened to me vent for a while, and said that it was time to make some changes. If I didn’t, it was only a matter of time before I went the way of The Ring, full-on.
She’s been doing my hair for almost a decade now, and I trust her. Anyone who can take you from blonde and back successfully is ride-or-die in my book, so I took a deep breath, sat back and let her do her thing.
Breakdown of the new ‘do
I’m now the very happy owner of lots of textured layers in a kind of super-long bob with inverted bangs (that just means you can split them down the middle or part them left or right) and a demi-permanent color that’s a just a smidgen lighter than my natural black shade.
Alis took the color from roots to ends so that as it fades, the original chocolate base will peek through, along with the grays at the roots. The idea is that the demi-permanent color will weave everything together in a forgiving way and give me some time to decide whether I want to keep dying my hair or if I want to grow out the grays.
My friend Alis is a master stylist who splits her time between the San Francisco Bay Area and her home in Las Vegas. She’s been doing my hair FOR-EV-ER, and I adore her (obvs). It’s kinda hard to get an appointment here in the Bay, but you can try. If you live in Vegas, you’re in luck, because she’s doing hair there, too, and she’s taking new clients. You can reach her through her website, alisluvshair.com, or give her a ring at (415) 378-2192. Don’t forget to tell her that I sent ya!
Letting go and embracing a new start
Funny thing is, I’ve never been one to shy away from big hair changes. I figure that you can always change your hair color if you don’t like how it turns out, and hair will grow back, so why-the-heck not go for a bob or bright pink steaks? Carpe-the-frickin’-diem, ya know?
For the last few years, though, I’ve held onto the same long layers and chocolaty brown color, and I’ve been hesitant to change, I think because there have been so many other big changes in my life over that period. Getting pregnant, then giving birth (which was pretty traumatic for me), learning how to balance working from home with watching the baby, El Hub starting a new job — it was a lot, and I didn’t feel like biting off something else…even something as seemingly simple as a new haircut or color.
Hair tells a story
Some people would say that thinking so much about hair is silly, but I’ve long believed that our hair tells a deeper story. You know that one steady, even-keeled friend who’s had the same color and style for years? If she’s chopping it all off and adding highlights, believe me, there’s something else going on in the background — a breakup, a job change, something.
For me, this new hairdo is a new start. I’m finally at the point where I feel like I’ve got me feet under me again, and I’m mentally and physically the strongest I’ve been in years… And, you know, it was time for a hair change. Deep down inside, I kinda knew I was ready. I just needed a little push.
Do you need a push? If you do, I’m here, because you, my friend, CAN TOTALLY DO THIS. It’s time.
Why should you try demi-permanent hair color?
OK, enough emo stuff (for now). Let’s get down to brass tacks. I learned something new last night from Alis. I learned about the power of demi-permanent hair color.
I’ve been vacillating about whether I should or shouldn’t grow out my natural hair color — which also includes an increasing amount of gray in it. I’ve kinda wanted to, but I haven’t wanted to at the same time because I still haven’t been quite able to see myself as salt and pepper. Alis said that a good option for someone in this situation is demi-permanent hair color.
It’s different than permanent hair color, which is what I had before. Demi-permanent allows you to maintain (or darken) your current hair color, but it can’t lighten your hair like permanent color can. Most demi-permanent colors will give you between 12-24 washes, which seems kind of like a racket, right? But here’s the thing: this slow, purposeful fade doesn’t only let you change your color, but it also covers grays in a very forgiving way by sorta weaving them into your base color, so you don’t get that hard line of growth at the roots like you do with permanent color.
For more info on demi-permanent hair color, check out…
It’s a good option for people who are on the fence and still deciding what to do next with their grays, or for people who want to cover up grays at the roots between permanent color treatments, or people who want to avoid a line of demarcation at their roots.
All about the shampoo and conditioner
Alis says that since demi-permanent color is designed to fade, you have to be very picky about your accompanying shampoo and conditioner. She recommends anything from the Kerastase, R+Co, Davines and Oribe lines, but generally you want something gentle that will allow your hair to hold onto the color as long as it can. Nothing too harsh.
Here’s to good hair days for all of us. 🙂
Your friendly neighborhood beauty addict,
Karen
Looks great. Love the haircut!
Thanks, Jan. I hope you are having a great week so far!
Oh, I’ve been meaning to say thank you for suggesting doing comparisons of the Double Wear foundations in the Deep Dive series. I’m incorporating a list in the next few foundation reviews. 🙂
I love love the cut. I went for a lob in Feb but the stylist misheard me and bobbed instead! It’s been a nightmare, lol.
If I were you, and we’re kind of in the same boat, I’d get demi for a few months to years so then all the perm color is gone and you can have a real natural transition if you want. I’ve been considering the same thing but I find often that one color is just too flat. I’m trying to figure it out. I’m also a natural dark ash blonde and I’ve been auburn for 10 years now. I’m not sure what I want to do. I want to go blonder but that really doesn’t mix with hard water, sun, and pool life in AZ.
Hi Erin,
That’s the idea. I also figure that if I want to do it on my own it will be less intimidating to do it on my own than permanent color.
I didn’t know you were in Arizona! Alis and I talked for a while about how a lot of Bay Area people are moving out there.
I’d love to live in the Bay Area again but the Army keeps us moving! Before now, we’ve been lucky to be in Europe or the WC. On the flip side, we can actually afford to own a home here. SW isn’t totally for me but I’m gonna rock it while I’m here. We might stay longer as civilians. It’s tough for me because much of the state is white and non-tolerant. I prefer the WC melting pot style where everything is diverse and you can learn a ton from people who don’t look like you. It’s like traveling without leaving home!
That’s the main reason why I’d even think about moving there — the affordability of the houses! It’s monsoon season there right now, isn’t it?
It is! We’ve had an actual hurricane too! Top wind was 86mph and sustained around 65! It was insanity for a couple hours. It’s way more affordable. I got a 3k sqft house with a small pool and a real yard with grass and trees for 310k. It’s a little 90’s but I figure we can fix it up if we want. It’s already up 35k in equity since I bought because the ‘hood is right next to a rich hood where homes rarely come up but people want to be with the good schools. All the schools here aren’t bad though. No fireplace but I’ve got a view of the Santa Catalina mountains, two national parks within a few minutes of my front door, a nice park for kids in walking distance as well as an elementary school. It’s a little far from down town but it’s still got some shopping. Tarjay is 4 blocks away and Ulta 5! It’s dangerous, lol. I’ve also got a nice island in the kitchen, his and her’s closets, and a 3 car garage. It’s a very comfortable family home. I just have adults to fill it with. Maybe baby soon. I need to get my health under control. House is also mediterranean style too, so honestly it’s not much different than a house in SoCal.
Not related to hair (though I love the new cut and color on you!) – what is the top/dress that you’re wearing in the photos?
Hi Kelsey,
It’s a dress from LOFT from a few years ago. Sometimes they do similar styles so you might want to check to see if they have something like it this year, and if you find it, wait for a 50% or a 40% sale. They happen often both online and in-store.
Your hair looks amazing! So thick and healthy! I’m visiting my friend in Sacramento at the end of August and I’m getting my hair done by a woman that was a contestant on the Bachelor! Yes I’m a nerd but I love that show and I’m super excited!
I’ve never seen that show, believe it or not. Is it better than The Bachelorette? I watched the one season with Jojo while I was nursing Connor when she was a newborn. LOL! Not gonna lie, I got sucked in.
They are both equally “bad” tv but totally addictive!
That is gorgeous!!!!!!—just like the model. Enjoy. (I have to admit that I am envious because I am in need of a new stylist. Send good salon vibes this way-LOL
*Sending you good vibes*
Are you anywhere near Vegas? Call Alis if you ever are!
Karen, this haircut looks fabulous on you. Just perfect!!! I’m glad you decided to go for it and reasoning behind it!
Hope all is well.
I love the new haircut and style. I also have the same dress from The Loft! I’m currently debating the same thing—to grey or not to grey. I haven’t colored my hair in years, but am debating doing it again since the greys are coming in more and more. I’ve been pulling them out. (I know! I should stop bc it’s not like a have thick head of hair or anything.)
LOVE! ? I’ve never dyed my hair or highlighted, but I’ve been thinking of doing a gloss to shine it up and brighten it up. I like being a redhead but I’d love a bit more vibrancy.
I have some Davines stuff in the Sace For Later on Amazon right now. It’s just so expensive.
Looks great!
I tried demipermanent color, but my white hairs must be color-resistant, because it didn’t take. I’m not getting on the permanent color treadmill. My hair is curly, so things are fairly well camouflaged, at least for now
Hi Karen!
I’m brazilian and I visit your blog every day! 🙂 I never commented because my english is a little bad, rs.
I loved your new hair! It’s so good to change, isn’t it? Like you said, it’s great for a new start!
Xoxo
I am way overdue a hair cut, but I think I will not have any maior changes. Yet. Although the urge is there do change something. Maybe later in the year.
Your new hair looks great! I’m embracing the grey (read white) hair so far, but I’m blonde so it’s a little less obvious than for a brunette.
That rich hair color looks simply stunning on you, Karen. As we age, full on black can start looking harsh so something a bit softer and a bit more dimensional to blend in or conceal grey can make all the difference. Your stylist really got it right. You glow!
BTW, I started out in life with almost black hair but started going grey in my twenties. After several years of coloring just the greys (I really liked my natural color), I finally decided to just let it happen. I’ve been a “silver fox” for well over forty-five years and have never regretted it. Grey is not for everyone, though, so using a demi-permanent color to help you get back to your natural color will help you make the decision as to whether or not you like the idea of letting the grey come in.
You look amazing as always! Love the new cut and color.
I´m glad you embraced change. You look fabulous!
She did right by you, you look wonderful in the new cut and color, and bright lipstick shade too. I am growing my natural hair our, heaven help me, I hope I have the guts to go all the way no matter how gray, though its only been 2 months and its kind of freaking me out. It will be a painful growing out process and I hope I stick to it, I always admire with their natural white/grey/salt and pepper hair. Good luck whichever way you decide to go.
I totally love this cut&color! Those layers are gorgeous! Blended so well. Sometimes going a little richer tone is just enough of a boost in the change department. A jumpstart. I like the tonal peeking through it will grow out well.
I have similar (you’re my hair inspiration as you know!) and I find the shampoo definitely helps extend. I have to use Pure Blends Shampoo in Cocoa( or my friend mixes equal mahogany, cocoa and red) a few times a week as the demi permanent does fade on the grays quicker. It’s just hair but yet it’s everything some days. I totally get that. Mood booster ?
It looks great! Though, I also liked it before. But I almost never change my hair appreciably so I wouldn’t be one to push anyone to change – that’s what the stylists are for! 🙂
PS I often do demi permanent over my permanent to tone (and have had it done over highlights as well). Redken Shades EQ is popular in salons here. It does wash out super fast but I’m an everyday shampooer. You’ll probably get a month or two out of it.
Stunning cut and color! Though I respectfully disagree that you could call your hair a bob or even a lob — it’s well past your shoulders!
LOL, I figured somebody would say something about that… It’s weird because to me it feels like a lob?! Maybe it’s because my hair has been long for forever now. I’ve had both bobs and lobs in the past and you’re right, they’re typically above the shoulders. 🙂
Love the new look!! I may have to take a picture of the cut to my stylist next time.
I guess I’m now the poster girl for being cautious with hair changes; I’ve had a bit of hair trauma the past couple of weeks. I had to try out a new girl and she did a really pretty balayage-style color with browns and reds. Unfortunately, the parts that she lightened kept on lightening… and kept on and kept on. A week later, I had weird orange streaks in my hair. (Think Carrot Top.) Fortunately, the girl I usually go to came back to work just in time for an emergency fix before we leave on vacay tomorrow. Ironically, the color she used to correct the mess (mocha violet) has to be my favorite hair color ever, lol.
Karen, your hair looks fab!!! Long time reader here and you really struck a nerve about holding on to things. I used to love changing my hair up (pink, purple, neon yellow) – it’s just hair!!! However the past two years it’s long and just blah, honestly I’m sick of it! Between a divorce, becoming a single mom, and new job I just wasn’t ready for any more changes, but this post just inspired me. Thank you!!
Oh Karen, it looks totally fantastic!!
That cut and color looks fabulous Karen!! You made the right decision. Sometimes change is wonderful, isn’t it? You look even younger with this hairstyle!! Woo Hoo!!
Omg, I love it!! It looks really fresh and beautiful!! Sometimes I contemplate growing out my grays too. Write now I’m on the “roots every five to six weeks” routine but I’d like to have the balls to just let it grow out. It annoys me that men look “distinguished” while women are looked at as kind of lazy for not keeping up with it. Annoying. My husband is completely salt and pepper with white on the sides and top and he’s only 41. Should I or shouldn’t I??
I love it! It looks so fresh… and very “swingy.”
Karen, I too have super dark hair, not quite black, and had struggled for over twenty years with keeping the grays at bay, which show up like Christmas tree tinsel on dark hair. I got to the point where I was coloring my hair monthly, the texture was bad, and my ends were super saturated. I bit the bullet and stopped coloring. That was about 18 months ago and I’ve never looked back. The thing is you don’t know what you have until you stop! I am now a subtle salt and pepper on top with two cool Stacy London-esque streaks in front, fading into about six inches of dark chocolate dye left on the bottom. The contrast is not so bad and the overall impression is still mostly “dark hair”, and my face looks younger and healthier without the dye. It’s a personal decision, but for me “leaning into it” was the right thing and as I approach 48, I feel free and proud!
I love it – it looks very striking
Wow, it looks great on you!!