I actually did my hair! It’s only been, oh…two weeks! The impetus very likely has something to do with our guests leaving. We had family staying with us for the past couple weeks, but they’ve gone now, and you know how it is when you’re sharing your space with other people, even people you love. It can be a delicate dance. I need some alone time in order to function (somewhat) normally.
So this morning I did my hair for the first time in forever, and I noticed the grays starting to peek through. That’s when it hit me — I’M REALLY DOING THIS. Here I am, one month since the last time I colored my hair at home using demi-permanent color.
I bought all of this hair coloring stuff from Sally Beauty two months ago, thinking that I’d eventually grow to love coloring my own hair…
I imagined myself being able to do it on my own whenever I wanted to and saving money.
At least that was the idea.
In reality, I was in tears after the last time! You’re gonna think I’m such a big baby, but there was dye all over the bathroom and the tub, and my hair turned out a little too dark (like shoe polish). It didn’t look quite right, and the first thing El Hub said when he saw me was, “Boy…it’s REALLY dark.”
That pushed me over the edge.
I was like whatever, man! I don’t want to do it again (ever).
The grays are starting to get noticeable now. There’s about a half an inch of regrowth, and I can clearly see them on the top of my head and at the sides. The baby hairs along my hairline are also coming in (whee!). Things will really start to pick up over the next month, and this is probably when I’ll start to feel more self-conscious and uncomfortable.
As I was curling my hair into loose waves this morning, I realized that I’m going to be standing at the mirror with my curler one of these days and seeing long strands of gray hair.
I wonder what I’ll think… Will I like it?
Also, Connor’s getting to the age when she’ll start forming her forever memories, and she’s going to remember me as her gray-haired mommy. I know this is a completely natural part of life, but I don’t know how I feel about it yet. It’s just…an adjustment. I mean, there are other mommies at Connor’s school who rock the grays, and they look beautiful, but I don’t know how I’m going to feel about myself yet. Part of me still wants my daughter to remember me as — and this is gonna sound vain — a youthful person, and not her old mommy.
Ugh, I know how that sounds. Hearing it come out of my mouth makes me feel a little uncomfortable, but it’s true. I know that gray hair doesn’t matter at all in the greater scheme of things, but I still wanted Connor to remember me as her youthful momma.
Did I really say that out loud??
Yes I did…
Anyway, I hope I can keep this up. We’ll see. In the meantime, I’m going to keep bracing myself and doing all of the things I need to do to make myself feel less like Gollum when I look in the mirror, like doing my hair, putting on some makeup and smiling. ?
Keep on keepin’ on.
Your friendly neighborhood beauty addict,
Karen
Jeez. I’m thinking of doing the same thing, but I’m blond ( and older!). I’ve been following you for a long time and I’m sure you will handle the grow out with grace and humor. You seem like a wonderful person and mother and will be beautiful no matter what your hair color!
Thanks, Wheeler. Let me know if you end up going for it. We can cheer each other on!
I hear you, Karen! I’m an “older” mom. (But, gosh, I really don’t feel old. Just not as young as some my kids’ friends’ moms, or my mom when I was my kids’ age.) My hubby is even older, and he worries about being an old dad. But he’s such a great dad—so I keep telling him his grays don’t matter. I truly believe this for him but can’t apply it to myself because it’s different for men. I’m kind of in the reverse position as you—I finally made an appointment to get my hair colored. Not sure I want to keep it. I keep thinking I can get by a couple of more months before my greys really get noticeable, or I hope you’ll inspire me to keep them instead.
Hi Kate,
So one of the reasons why I love hair is that you can always change it and grow it out. Why not keep the appointment? It’ll be fun to try something new, and if you don’t like it, you can either grow it out, or have your stylist transition you with demi-permanent hair color and perhaps lowlights. I would totally continue to do salon color if I wasn’t on self-imposed budget lockdown. What were you thinking of doing for your color? As you can tell I get really excited talking about hair!
Haha, I’m the boring one who will try to make it as close to my natural color as possible. I made my appointment at the local beauty college so it’s more economical. Is that an option for where you live?
You’re gorgeous and you’re going to continue to be gorgeous.
The thing is, you had your daughter when you were a bit older than average (I think average is 28?). Let’s, for a moment, set aside the fact that yes, you look youthful. You just *do*. So, not only are you giving your daughter the message that you can be beautiful and vibrant at every age, not only are you teaching your daughter that taking care of your physical self is worthwhile, fun, and rewarding, but you are also teaching her that her schedule is the one that matters, that life can happen on a different schedule than “average” and be wonderful just as it happens.
I really think that’s how she’s going to remember you.
Geez, Shin. You just made me cry. (Happy, emotional tears.) This comment was a sweet gift. Thank you. ❤️
xoxo
I don’t think that rocking your natural colour is always aging – I consistently get people telling me I look like I’m in my early to mid thirties – and that’s with a head full of silver curls!
I think that (as with most things) it’s all about how you feel and carry yourself. You already look much younger than you are, you know what makeup and colours look good on you, so grow out your grays and wear them with confidence – and everyone will think you’re the awesome woman that you are.
Also – Google Sarah Harris. She works for British Vogue and has amazing long silver hair. She’s so stylish and doesn’t look ‘old’ at all.
I love doing dying my hair at home. I always have my mom or my sister apply the color. I wouldn’t recommend buying hair dye from Sally’s it damaged my hair. I stick with ammonia free permanent hair dye from sleekshop.
You’re a gorgeous woman, with or without grays. I agree 100% with what Shin said above. You’re also teaching Connor that she doesn’t always have to conform to the “norm”. If she wants to hold off on having children one day to put herself and her career first, then she should! Nothing wrong with that!
Also, you are so young looking and I’m sure you’ll still be young looking with gray hair.
With gray hair or without, you are setting an amazing example of self-acceptance for Connor. Because it’s great to be comfortable with those gray hairs. And it’s equally great to love the freedom of self-expression and confidence that coloring your hair gives you. You’re a good mom, Karen. No matter what your hair looks like.
Connor will only remember what a loving AND beautiful Mom you are no matter what color your hair is. I think you’re brave. I am MUCH older than you and have my roots “done” every 6 weeks. I get obsessed about the gray hairs, especially when I’m looking in the magnifying makeup mirror. Yikes! why do women do this to themselves? Anyway, I think women should do what makes them happy, whether it’s gray or dyed.
Throw out that mirror! No one needs that hatefulness in their lives! No one will ever see you that close up! except maybe your partner when you’re getting intimate and at that point they’re just happy to be there with you so who cares! ?
So true!
I hear you about the children’s memory thing! When I think about how old I’ll be when my kids graduate high school I want to fall over. I just can’t imagine it. and more often than I want to admit I think about what I will look like on that day, or how I’ll look when they get married. I’m 34 now and I used to think 34 was impossibly old and out of reach. So, I know I’ll adjust. But still! I thought I had good skin until I hung out with some young 20 year olds at Thanksgiving. They were so beautiful I could not stop staring and I started feeling really self-conscious. When we got home I bought a new night cream. I kept muttering to myself how stupid this was but I bought it anyway! And I actually love it so ?.
Thanks for keeping us updated on your hair journey. I predict you’re going to love it.
Hang in there and see what happens. I started to get gray hairs in my 20s (like my Mom), but since then I haven’t gotten a lot more. She was totally gray at a much younger age than I am now.
I’ve never colored my hair. There are some gray hairs, but not enough to really be noticeable. Don’t assume that because you have some now, that you will be all gray soon. If you do go all gray, though, I’ve see some attractive women with all gray hair.
After all, you can always color it later.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BWCqdH8hbzE/?utm_source=ig_share_sheet&igshid=b6ui16rusb7d
Like this look. Nice red lipstick makes the grey hair less important.
Those 3 gray hairs you have will grow out totally unnoticed by anyone in the world. When I decided to grow mine out, it was in response to a bleaching DISASTER. I was going for platinum, which I thought would be pretty, and ended up instead with fried orange. I had two choices: shave my head or keep my hands off it until it grew out. I got some toner to help hide the carrotness so I could go to work and appear in public without geiger counters going off. I haven’t tried coloring it since (except for a couple pink streaks which didn’t turn out anyway). Mine is ALL grey and I’m so used to it now, I wouldn’t want to bother coloring it again (except maybe some blue streaks …. hmmm…..)
Truly, those few greys you have will not be a major change from your otherwise dark hair. And good for you to be proud of them – it’s not just anybody who can earn a few greys!
LOL, it is actually more pronounced in real life. I have way more than 3. 🙂
I can relate to what you said about Connor and how you want her to remember you. I feel the same way when I look at myself and think about how my daughter never will remember me with a firm jawline, just like I don ´t remember my mother like that.
My mom had me when she was 30, and had just started to go gray, but she frosted her hair to make it look silvery all over; I guess it was a style at the time. But for whatever reason, my early memories of my mom are that she had dark brown hair! I have no explanation for this, I guess it’s just: who can say what those early memories will consist of??
Oh Karen, I’m so excited for you! I have SO MUCH to say on this topic but don’t want to leave a ridiculously long comment here. I went through this myself in my early 40s (I’m 48 now) with waaaaay more grays than you have, actually, silvers, because they are shiny and sparkly! I started graying (ahem, silvering) in childhood, actually, and dyed my hair from my mid-teens on. Because I “had” to, right? It’s gray some shameful thing that we much cover up at all costs? Until I realized it wasn’t. I’d start seeing my roots sparkling through the very day I dyed it (whether very expensively at the salon or at home – I did both options many many times over the years) and one day had the epiphany: but those sparkly roots are PRETTY! why am I covering them with matte brown dye?
I have lots and lots more to say on the topic but a few highlights:
—the transition journey is about muuuch more than hair – it’s about becoming more comfortable in your own skin, accepting that you’re not 20 and being cool with that. It’s about being less scared about what people think of you and more confident in yourself. Yes, sometimes people look at just my hair and assume I’m older than I am. And? So? Does that actually make me older??? Years ago I’d have been devastated by some stranger’s assumption (especially since I’d been spending all that time and money for the express purpose of avoiding that.) I’m so much more confident now.
—though the transisition was a bit awkward, now that it’s grown out, I get compliments on my hair on a regular basis. I never ever got compliments on my dyed hair.
—there is no better message to send to your kids than that you are comfortable being YOU, that you are good enough as you are. I love to play with makeup, and do my nails, but I don’t use it to hide anything, I use it to express my creativity and joy in color!
—my hair is way healthier, shinier, and softer than it was when I dyed. Feels amazing, never gets damaged. I know some people say gray hair is wiry, but that’s not the case for me at ALL. And, I mean, if it’s wiry, is dye going to change that for the better?
—no more planning dye sessions around vacations and special occasions. I know my hair will always look good!
—Google Silver Sisters Cafe Gray if you want an amazing online “support group” for going gray. They certainly helped me.
—feel free to email me (you have my email here, right?) if you have any questions, I’m always happy to talk about this!!!!
When I was younger, I said to myself, “I will NEVER have gray hair…that’s for OLD people!!!”
And then at 43, I was diagnosed with a rare, aggressive form of Non-hodgkin’s Lymphoma. I lost my hair twice during treatment (not gonna lie…that was the WORST part of it in my opinion) and it didn’t start coming back in for over a year after my bone marrow transplant.
9 years later, I have my hair back. And it’s a LOVELY brunette shade. And there are a few grays (mostly hidden, but I know they’re there!)…and you know what? I don’t care! I am just thankful that I’m still here, so what’s a few grays?
And they’re not really gray hairs…they’re nature’s highlights!!!
I first started getting grey hairs when I was about 21 and 5 years down the line, they are definitely noticeable, but I’m not planning on dying it. I don’t want to spend time and money on something that doesn’t bother me and I don’t consider an issue. The fact that they have a different structure then my other hair bothers me more than the colour.
My mama coloured her hair for 20+ years and now that she’s stopped and let her white hair shine, she looks sooo good!