Slowly…
Slowly…
I’m slowly beginning to feel like my old self again.
Can you believe that you and I have been meeting here for more than five years, chatting about makeup, reality TV mayhem (when we started, it was Flavor of Love!), men — from males of the feline persuasion (Tabs), to bat men (Christian Bale) and men with beautiful abs (Ryan Gosling) — Mango Bars, Nutella, cupcakes and, of course, cats. Both yours and mine.
I feel very close to you now after all these years, and I think you understand how people have good times and bad. Both swings are inevitable given enough time. Sometimes you’re up, and sometimes you’re down. It happens to the best of us.
Between turning 37, wondering if I’m ready to have kids, worrying about friends and family and the usual things that happen in life, and trying to figure out my next steps…I’ve felt burdened lately, like my metaphoric wings have been weighed down by boulders.
Then, last Thursday morning, as I was sitting here at my desk trying to write a review, something clicked — the switch that makes the tears start falling — and I realized that I just couldn’t do it.
So I took a few days off. And cried a lot. A ton, actually. Buckets on Thursday and Friday, maybe a quart or two on Saturday, but by Sunday, yesterday, the storm had finally passed (cue the herald angels singing!).
I didn’t experience any profound revelations or anything like that, but I spent some time just mulling things over, ruminating, cooking, cleaning, walking my cat, and I also got in some exercise, which usually improves my point of view, even when it’s the last thing on earth I want to do.
I even started crying a couple times on the treadmill…and now that I think about it, it must’ve looked pretty ridiculous, but no one was watching. 🙂 The mix of tears, snot and perspiration combined to create a powerful Potion of Catharsis.
Annie Lennox has also been keeping me company over these past few days. Have you ever heard her Diva CD/album?
Get it, get it, get it, ASAP.
It’s among my musical must-haves (especially the songs Little Bird and Primitive). My goodness, the lyrics — sometimes I forget how much music can influence the way I feel, and then I hear a song like Little Bird and remember that other people have felt everything I’m feeling now.
I’ve just got to put these wings to the test…
Wipe your tears, and let the salt stains dry…
Oh, yeah — I almost forgot to mention my pink hair.
This is a beauty blog, after all. 🙂
Nothing like pink hair to change your point of view!
Je Ne Sais Quoi on the left and Rags to Riches on the right
The pink I’m wearing here is only temporary, via the new Condition Culture Colorsmash Hair Shadows ($15 each, available in nine shades), which are like powder eyeshadows for your hair.
Just massage into dry hair, and set with hair spray. Then, when it comes time to remove, the colors wash out easily with regular ol’ shampoo.
Before…
…and after
They’re available in nine vibrant shades — Firecracker, Electric Beat, Rags to Riches, St. Martini, Atomic Yellow, Tango Mango, So Jaded, Je Ne Sais Quoi, and Oh La Lavender. I’m wearing hot pink Je Ne Sais Qui here, which I worked into my highlights.
Pretty, yeah? 🙂
Your friendly neighborhood beauty addict,
Karen
Hi, Karen.
I’ve had a blast following your blog for the last year and, while seldom do I post a comment, I wanted to say you’re wonderful and thank you for letting us in to your life, be it beauty, comic relief, or something very real and very humbling like rebuilding yourself. As you said, we’ve all been there or will be at some point.
You’re an inspiration and true soul child. Rock on, sister. Rock on.
Karen,
I’m sorry to hear you’ve been having a rough time lately. The moon, stars, planets & sun must be aligned to make people feel this way right now. I can empathize with a lot of the worries u r dealing with, I am too. I guess it comes with leaving behind the carefree days of our youth in the 80’s & getting older (but more beautiful & wiser).
I love reading ur blog, your humor & love of El Hubs & TABS. It makes a lot of people smile & laugh. You’ve touched a lot of people’s lives, more than you’ll ever know. Ur in a lot of people’s thoughts for getting through this period in your life & feeling better!
BIG HUG.
I’m so glad your feeling better. It helps to get it all out. My song is “Why” from Annie Lennox. Such a beautiful song.
Hi Karen,
So glad to see that you’re feeling better. Yes, a good crying session (or sessions) can really help. Life is tough. We all have our burdens. But know that you are truly blessed to have el hub, tabs & all of us who love you and appreciate you for all you have been doing for us: providing entertainment, makeup, beauty & health advice.
Take care & don’t be too hard on yourself, you gorgeous thing! 😉
P.S. I love the pink in your hair! Gosh. I wish I can do that to my hair. But my hair is just so black. 🙁
for some kind of reason I wasnt getting your updates anymore nice look
I am glad you are feeling better. Kacey echoes my sentiments exactly. We HAVE all been there and I appreciate your honesty. You DO rock. I loved the video of you walking Tabs. So cute. 🙂 XOXO
Now that’s HAWT! You rock the pink locks!
Sometimes we go through these intensely lachrymose phases of wondering/not knowing/speculating and I am happy that you are emerging out of it, lighter, brighter and empowered. Thank you for providing us with this amazing space!
Glad you’re feeling better, lady 🙂 hang in there. We all go through these times but it will pass and you’ll be like “huh? Wuh?” Hug Tabs.
Wait…you walk your cat? LOL…I want video or pics of this or something…aww boo, glad you’ve had some time to marinate. Keep us all posted! I’m 38. Inching closer to 40 every day. Oy.
There is nothing a little Annie Lennox can’t fix. I’m glad you’re feeling better. You know when you need to take time off. Thank you so much for giving us this blog – it’s one of the bright spots in my day, and that’s all because of you Karen!!
I think it’s hard to be the tough one every day. Sometimes you have to break down and cry, and let it all out. It’s a hard lesson for me, but I’m slowly learning that it’s ok to take a day and just work out or read, and not worry about cooking or cleaning. Today was my day to break down and cry, tomorrow will be better. I even have a run planned with my friend who is also my neighbor! By the way, loving the pink 🙂
I’m glad you’re doing better. I hope things continue to get better, and not just because you’ve brought me smiles every day since I found this blog.
nothing like a nice, long run to clear out your head…feet pounding the treadmill, good tunes pumping… thanks for motivating me to go for a nice long run tomorrow! glad to hear you’re on the upswing Karen! 🙂
It’s posts like these which ensure that I will always read your blog as long as you keep writing, regardless of what you share. We all go through ups and downs, but knowing someone else is going through the same thing is cathartic, so thank you for being honest and for letting us in.
You guys,
I’m forcing myself to step away from the computer so I can spend time with the boys tonight, but I just wanted to say that you are the best. To quote The Golden Girls, thank you for being a friend. 🙂
I’m glad to read you’re feeling better 🙂 I got behind on my RSS feeds the last weeks of school and I am JUST catching up to the beginning of the month now . . . The year before last, when I was SO low for so long, reading your posts helped me feel connected to someone.
Wow, back and better than ever Karen–you look seriously HOT in that picture (it’s not just the pink, but I think you straightened it too?? It looks FAB! and it’s all nice and volumized!). I’m so, so glad you’re feeling a bit better! Slowly but surely is the way to go 🙂
bad ass hair! i love it, sometimes do pink myself – but only the kind that washes out. or else I’d be out of a job. I’m so glad you’re back but I hope you’re not rushing back. Take more time if you need and slow back into it. Nothing to fret we’ll all be here along the way.
You truly have a gift of writing , Karen. It is easy to relate to, humorous, honest, and refreshing. I am glad you are feeling better.
Coloring my hair always does wonders for my mental state. I sported cherry red roots for years (always looked like my head was bleeding LOL!) and I’ve dabbled in blue and purple. I must get my hands on these new temporary thingies STAT! I think the pink looks fab on you!!
I’m sorry you cried so much Karen, but it really is cathartic. I went through a rough patch 5 yrs ago, and I cried like that for months. Not straight, of course, but probably every other day. It’s ok to be “in-between”, it’s the state we’re in before change occurs. Just be still, say a prayer and the right answers will come, when it is time.
Hang in there girl, it WILL get better. It was so nice to see you in my inbox today!! Xoxo
Hi Karen! I’m so glad you’re back. *hugs* While I haven’t had a breakdown this week — okay, maybe once — I have been feeling the same way lately and it really sucks. 🙁
Hang in there, and know that you have all of us here to give you virtual hugs and cupcakes. Scherbie sends her love, purrs, and eye boogers. LOL!
Totally love your pink hair! Thanks for the post… I can so relate as I watch my parents age, think about how to manage elder care on top of my career/family questions, and accept that it’s time to start shopping in the “Miss” department at stores. lol. As you feel things out, I hope you relish the amazing blog you created, a community that rallies behind you, and the knowledge that you mean so much to thousands of readers, men and women, around the country and around the world. You have a unique voice and worldview. It will be exciting to what comes next for you, as I make the same journey, too!
I’m so sorry you have been feeling down. I think we’ve all had those moments where life just becomes overwhelming. I’m glad you are feeling better though. I HAVE to try that pink hair. I adore it!
these crying/what is my life type of moments are happening to everyone lately! i wonder what the heck is in the air??? i’d been slow to blog and crying lots too lately, jeez. glad that you feel a bit better !love the pink hair, i want to try chalking mine if i ever straighten it again 😀
Lots of hugs to you dearie, and sending you magic dan taats your way!
So happy to hear from you! I’m glad you’ve taken a much-needed break and let it all out the past few days. Thanks for being so honest with us and sharing with us your ups and downs. You and your (temp) pink hair rock!
It helps to let it all out! I’ve only been following you for almost a year now and I have to say that you have the most amazing vibe and personality. Keep up the good work and take care of yourself Karen, x
I’m glad you’re feeling better. Sometimes we all just have to take some time off and have a good crying session.. Hang in there and take care of yourself.
And love the pink hair, you rock it!
Hugs, Karen! I’ve been feeling the same lately…
Karen… beautiful! Thank you for sharing you writing. I follow you because you are beyond Makeup and beauty. You’re a sweet spirit and old soul.
Just wanted to let you know Im still here for you as well. 🙂
Glad you are feeling better. Little Bird is my favorite song when everything is going wrong and from the moment I hear the tune start, I already feel like I’m on top of the world again and can manage everything.
I wouldn’t say you look 37, you are absolutely gorgeous and I hope you find your way again. xx
Glad to hear you’re feeling better, Karen 🙂 We all do that at big crossroads of lives, and I hope you feel things are coming together again.
I totally thought the pots are cream blushes! Do you think they’d work for even naturally dark hair (not that I’d be rocking pink hair around town anytime soon, but it’s good to know)?
And yes, let’s please talk more about Christian Bale, Ryan Gosling, and our cats xx
LOVING the pink hair! I’ve been thinking about getting my ends dip dyed but haven’t decided yet – those shadows sound like the best solution!
So glad to hear you’re feeling better, Karen. I had a few err ‘mild breakdowns’ a few years ago and it’s forced me to make sure I had ways to unwind every month/few months. For a while I’d book a monthly massage or reiki session or acupuncture appointment to force myself to slow down, rather than suddenly realising at work I need to sit under my desk and have a good cry. 🙂 Things have def gone better since I started doing yoga more regularly, it feels very cathartic..
Happy to hear you’re feeling better, Karen. Its good to take a step back once in a while. You work so hard here on the blog, as well as in everything else you do and something somewhere’s gotta give. Its good to know though, that the worst may be over. Take all the time you need – we aren’t going anywhere 😉 Oh and I love the idea behind those powder shadows for the hair! I’d love to sport pink streaks in mine 😀
So glad you’re feeling better! 🙂 I think the worst thing is probably to admit that problems like these are simply there! In our society people always think they must do this and this or they are loosers. Karen, I think crying and letting it all out was way better than going on like nothing had happened and trying to forget all about it – even if it was the tougher way. You’re not alone, go on fighting and laughing and crying and hugging Tabs!
I’m happy you feel better now! I think that even if you posted not all that frequently due to emotional problems you’d still be my favorite makeup blogger because of all the humor and positive energy that comes through the posts, not to mention the most in-depth reviews and quality swatches. It would be well worth the wait.
BTW I love the colored hair! It reminds me of the neon look that K Pop girl group f(X) has been doing with their new MV Electric Shock: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n8I8QGFA1oM . Lots of color and pattern clashes, but it all looks so fun!
Im glad you are feeling better — there are just times in our lives when we need to take some time away, and be. It might sound faux-zen when I say that but its so true. If it were not for alone time, I would be a nervous breakdown mess by now. 🙂
And oh wow — eyeshadows for my hair! Yes, please nao! Would they be called hairshadows? 😛
Karen keep up your warm and wonderful spirit. I go through periods where I feel down a lot, but then I remember all of my blessings and reaize life aint bad. You are loved. Hugs,
We sometimes have to crumble before we can put ourselves back together . . ,often stronger than before. Hang in there! Although I don’t comment regularly, I love your blog and enjoy your honesty and integrity! Don’t give this up!!!
Yay for pink hair, cathartic tears and Annie Lennox!
I listen to the Eurythmics, “I Need a Man” when I need a boost – preferably the live version – but she’s a badass in either and makes me feel 50 feet tall and bulletproof.
Oooh, love the pink! That’s actually pretty cool – I didn’t realize they had the temporary, set-with-hairspray color. I like it! 🙂
I’m glad you’re feeling a little better. And I HATE crying on the treadmill. It’s hard enough to breathe with clear nasal passages but almost impossible when you’re all puffy and snotted up!
I think my favorite Eurythmics song is Love is a Stranger. Not super-uplifting, though. I’ll have to check out Annie’s Diva.
Completely understand the need to just cry and cry! It really is therapeutic!
Glad you’re feeling a little better. Lovin’ the pink hair 🙂
And just remember the old saying, whatever doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger…somehow.
Isang mahal, Karen. Take care.
Glad to hear you are feeling better. 🙂 I love your positive vibe and I also appreciate your honesty about the difficult times in life.
The pink hair is pretty! It’s great that these are temporary. I’m seriously considering trying these. The different colors look fun!
Karen,
Sometimes, it feels like we are alone. But every day I log into my Reader and there you are. Another person who shares my love of makeup, pets (I’m a dog person), and funky hair. You truly are a friend to so many here. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
I love the pink. I too was feeling the mid-thirties funk. So I put blue in my hair, and man, it feel like a teenager again! Keep it up. Whenever life starts to get dull, brighten it up!
Glad you’re on the up & up….sometimes we’re so busy and distracted that we forget to take care of ourselves and pay attention to what we need. Reading your blog is such a great part of my day. You truly make a difference. 🙂 xoxox
So glad you’re starting to feel better. Keep hanging on!
Glad to see you are feeling better and have things up and running again!
Have you seen the new MAC Heavenly Creature collection yet? Do you think there are “must haves”? I was wondering about some of the lip colors!
On another note, you seem to mention struggling with being ready to have kids fairly frequently. Personally, I knew that I never wanted to have kids (unless they had fur and four legs) from the time I was a young woman and I have never looked back. If you are having doubts, then don’t pressure yourself. It’s not an absolute requirement in life and it’s not for everyone. I am thankful that we live in an age where women have options due to educational opportunities, birth control, etc. Don’t worry about others’ perceptions about your being selfish, less of a woman, etc. I certainly have experienced the snarky remarks and judgments. Bottom line is it’s none of their business! Sometimes I think they are envious of my freedom and free time.
Have a great day!
Glad you’re feeling better!
It’s funny how other fellow bloggers admitting to having a “hard time” about whatever is going on in their lives, comes at just the right time and makes you feel like you’re not alone! I guess I’ve been a bad blogger friend and hadn’t checked back in with yours for a few days, just bc we’ve had a little crisis around our house too.
Without getting all pity party on you, (but here a goes!) my hubby got laid off from his job last week – for the 3rd time in 4 years! Ouch. So I’ve been moping around myself, but after reading this blog post, (although I’m sorry to hear you’ve had a rough past week), it makes me realize we all go thru ups and downs in life, but yet we will all rise above whatever is bringing us down eventually. Thanks for the Annie L. recommendation, I’d never listened to it before, but music sure is inspiring!!
Glad to hear you are on the upswing – really cute hair color btw:)
Just wanted to wish you to feel better. It’s normal to go through ups and downs, and sometimes the smallest silliest things can set things off. I completely understand that, have been through this so many times myself. It will get better, take all the time you need and enjoy your summer!
I must say my dear karen I am SO PROUD OF YOU. You are such an inspiration and you are incredibly strong. I love me a good emotional clearing – sometimes you can see so much clearer and feel cleansed right after – it all kinda starts to make sense. Keep it up homegirl life is a roller coaster we all dip and dive but you aren’t alone!!! HUGE HUGS and kitty purrs from Jaz!
Crying when you feel bad is very healthy, at least that’s what I was told once by a behavioral health specialist. It helps bring out the pain, anxiety, anger, fear, all the negative feelings, so you feel relieved afterwards. Catharsis, like you said.
I on the other hand am unable to shed a tear, and the negative emotions build up until I get overwhelmed and end up having panic attacks. I’d rather cry, seriously!
You look stunning in these pictures!
So glad to hear you’re feeling better sweetie. I’m a new reader, but am hooked, reading a few posts a day brighten up the dullest of days. Stay strong xxx
A good cry always clears the head, it’s good to read that you are making some progress :).
I’m glad you posted this Karen! I think we were all worried about you. I was sending good vibes your way since reading your post last week. Sometimes you just have to take a step back from the crazy, put your hand up and say “I cannot take one more step!” The tears feel so good when you get to those points (and Lord knows I have). Then you dust your self off, pull up yo’ big girl panties and deal with it. Glad to have you back, and you can ROCK the pink hair!
Feel better Karen. I read you all the time and feel like I know you. I think we all get overwhelmed from time to time with the choices we’ve made or not made or had foisted on us. As my mother says -problems are part of life, it’s how you bounce back that’s key. Hang in there we are all rooting for you.
I’m so glad you are back. i’ve been following your blog for about a year now, and I have missed you. Completely understand the need to step back and reevaluate. I turned 40 this past year, and have been in the process of doing that myself for about a year now. Many times, when I’ve been struggling, your witty, funny, and upbeat blog full of all kinds of great information has been a bright spot in my day that I’ve looked forward to when everything else seemed kind of gray. I hope you will take the time you need, and know that you’ve developed a communty of friends out here who really admire your creativity and drive, and know that, even if you don’t feel it now, you will get those sparks back.
Your weekly Tabs posts crack me up every time (my fav is the Justin Bieber “Some (Other) Day” perfume ad, and my kids are partial to “Kitty Avengers”), and I have learned so much about makeup and other fun stuff from you (even at my advanced age! LOL.) Plus, I love your music inclusions (Icona Pop’s “I Love It” has kinda become my summer anthem!)
Take good care of yourself, believe in yourself, and be gentle with yourself. Also, as you say, exercise (even when you don’t feel like it, and particularly outdoors) can really help to clear the old noggin. The answers you seek wll come to you in time. We love you Karen!!
So glad you’re feeling better Karen! I’ve been feeling kind of spent myself lately, so I left and went to California and am relaxing. Sometimes we need a holiday, whether it be real or just a mental break to feel better!
Like the pink hair on you!
Hi Tracy!
Are you still in Cali? I hope you’re enjoying our great state. 🙂
I just got back today! Except I got really sick-the Flu! I haven’t been sick in over a year. I didn’t get to eat all the good things in San Francisco I wanted to because I couldn’t taste anything.
I love California! I’d love to retire there some day. Right smack dab in the middle of Disneyland haha! 🙂
I’m glad you are feeling better my friend. Are you as excited about next week’s sneak peak of The Walking Dead Season 3 as I am?
Hi Karen! I love your blog and I love you!!! I look forward to reading your blog daily. I am so sorry that you had a rough patch, but so happy you are back. We fall down, but we must get up….. Keep your head, its okay to cry. Do what is right for you and your family. Praying for you girly! Lots of cyber hugs!
It’s more than good to let your self go and cry! And not be always in control holding in your troath the feelings.. I always Have the tear session once in a while… Last time it was because I Can’t Have babies.. And sometimes I ask myself if I really truly I’m ready or prepared for growing up and be a Mom! I don’t know why I feel like 20yrs in my mind but I’m 32!! So, I’m Happy You r feeling betta!! Life is short so We Have to enjoy life and in my yt channel in spanish I say: “Vive el presente y hazlo hermoso” : ” Live the present and make it Beautiful”
I’ve had depression on and off for 15 years now. When I’m good I’m okay when I’m down I’m really bad and crying on daily basis. While it is normal to be down every now and again just make sure you get the help you need if you think it’s something more serious.
I’ve always wondered how you find the time and mental energy to post several times a day. I know it’s your job but I’d rather read fewer posts and have a sane Karen than read loads and have a burnt out Karen.
You’ve had a captive audience for years so cutting back a bit might be the solution and will give you more headspace to think about children or other things you want to do with career or hobbies.
Big hugs and kisses from across the pond!
I’m so glad you’re feeling better! We ALL need breaks sometimes and we all feel down sometimes! Lots of hugs to you 🙂
The hair shadows look and sound like a very awesome invention. They remind me of the hair mascaras I used to wear in my teens except these sound like they’d have better application and staying power along with being easier to use.
I’m glad you’re feeling better. Take care and all the best. Lots of good wishes go out to you.
Dear Karen, I love your blog and you feel like a friend. I know what you are going through (perhaps) as I am now 38 and hit a bit of a slow burning crisis about my life, ageing, my parents getting old and all that stuff.
It will all be ok. Lots of love xxxx
You kept me company almost four years ago when I just had a darling little girl. You kept me laughing and helped me maintain my sexy by tutoring me the proper way to do a smoky eye. My MAC collection grew at an astronomical rate, as did my NARS collection. It’s a small world as I know your brother and I still have never met you. I am glad I’ve stumbled upon your blog because in some small way I feel like we have met.
I am turning 38 and I’m more than ready for it. I wouldn’t trade my 30’s if you asked me. I feel like I’ve did my time in my 20’s and that I’ve earned the right to trade war stories and battle scars. The only thing I can tell people contemplating children is that you really need to be ready – not in a financial way but just mentally. Children are huge investments – just be sure you are ready in your heart and mind before going there. Although, my husband and I live paycheck to paycheck because of her – I wouldn’t trade places with any of my single girl friends right now. I was ready then and I’m ready now for everything she throws at me.
I love that Annie Lennox album as well and I will continue to love and support your blog even though I don’t comment as much as I use to. Keep up the great work!
Hi Karen,
I don’t post much here, but have read your blog for some time now. It’s okay to take time out to think about things. We all need that sometime. “Why?” has always been one of my favorites to listen to when I’m down. Hope you are doing better today!!
Hey Daya,
Thank you for this. 🙂 I’m feeling much better. I hope you’ve been having a nice week so far!
I’m so happy you’re feeling better! I feel like I can’t add anything that hasn’t been said more eloquently by other readers, but I want to reiterate that I’m genuinely grateful for all the fun and kindness you’ve shared with us over the years – visiting your blog is a guaranteed smile for me! Hopefully, all the happy vibes from the people whose lives you’ve brightened with your creativity and personality will lift you up through this time of ruminating and unexpected treadmill tears. :3
Also: must. have. hair eyeshadows. :O!
Hey Karen,
I have been reading/following your blog for a while now and rarely post, but just know you’re an awesome person who is beautiful with so much talent for writing and expression that is really inspiring! Even though I don’t really “know” you in real life, when you read someone’s words almost on a daily basis, it definitely gives you a glimpse of themselves. xoxo!
Jennifer
Karen, I read your blog regularly, and it is such a bright spot on the internet. Thank you for sharing all that you do. 🙂
I looooove that album, and that song especially. So good.
So glad you’re feeling better….i love your honesty…its very refreshing !
I went through a bad patch a few months ago…still a little sad about it, but what to do, things are not always in our control !!!
but its true – time heals everything, so give the time, some time. (as someone once said, not me!)
I’m glad you’re feeling better. I love Annie Lennox. She had me seriously considering a shaved head once upon a time and given that I had TRUE 80’s hair, that’s saying something 🙂
Karen,
I know this is rather belated, but I just wanted to leave you a comment & let you know that you’ve been in my thoughts. Ironically, I’m just catching up on your blog posts right now — I’ve been in a bit of a funk recently, too. (Who knew you could spend two hours crying your eyes out on the floor? Not I!)
I hope things will keep looking up for you, and thank you so much for bringing so much light into the beauty world, even when you’re feeling more grey than anything else.
I love your pink hair. Keeping you in my thoughts.