Hello, sweet friend. Happy Thursday to ya. I hope things are going well on your end of the keyboard.
I know that I’ve been kind of MIA this week, but it’s just… I’m going through some things.
I wish I could say that I’ve been playing hooky and having exciting adventures, but truth be told, it hasn’t been like that. It’s just that I’m turning 40 in June, and I’m going through… I don’t think it’s a crisis, but it’s definitely something.
I woke up yesterday morning and realized — holy crap! — my 30s are over. Like, totally and officially over.
It seems like just yesterday I was celebrating my thirtieth. (We went to a drag queen karaoke bar! You know how I roll. 🙂 *snaps*). Now it’s 10 years later, just like that. I’m emotionally very tender right now…
It’s a bunch of different things, like not having children, and babe, seriously…I don’t know what’s going on with me. It’s like, I can’t even look at babies right now without getting teary.
For the longest time, I wasn’t sure if I was meant to be a mom, and I didn’t really think about it much. I just kept myself busy working on different projects like people do, but now I really, really, REALLY want to have a child.
But I waited so long…
I feel like such a fool. I let my prime childbearing years pass me by, and now whenever El Hub and I even start to talk about it, I get super emotional. 🙁 It’s deep, intense and real.
Aaaand, that’s just part of it. I’m also tired of living in disarray. My office is a cluttered mess, and my house needs attention.
If you saw my office — and I don’t want to share a picture of it because there’s nothing cute about it — you’d be amazed that I actually manage to get anything done.
I’m also tired of hearing myself talk about decorating my space and making our condo a home but not actually doing anything about it, you know? It’s like I wake up, start working, and the next thing you know, it’s evening and I’m exhausted, and the last thing I want to do is clean the bathroom or contemplate an end table. I throw myself into whatever I’m doing and the hours pass.
Anyway, if you made it this far down, thank you for lending me your ear and letting me ramble. Sometimes just talking about it makes me feel better.
Even though I’ve written millions of words on this blog, I still hold a lot in, even from my husband (and my cat). I’m the kind of person who tries to work things out on her own, even when she shouldn’t/can’t, but I’m trying to get better about being more open and allowing others to help. It’s not a bad thing to need help.
I think I need to take a few days to get my sh*t together. I still plan to post, because I also need to talk, but the posts will probably be a little different. Shorter, and maybe more random…
Thank you again for listening, my friend. I hope you’re having a good week so far. Talk to you soon.
Your friendly neighborhood beauty addict,
Karen
Oh, my dear…Thank you for being open with us. Life changes of any kind are traumatic. I’ll hold the faith for you during this time; the faith that things will improve, the faith that there is a plan in motion right now for you, the faith that the gloominess will fade & the faith that you are a strong & amazing woman. May you have a peaceful remainder of the week & remember that we’re here to encourage you. Much love!!
Thank you, Holly. This means a lot.
Hello Karen,
Just read your note. There are never a good or bad time to have children. I had my son at 27 and my daughter at 40. Please do let age stop you from having a child. The second time around it was fantastic. I am sure you will be a great mum too.
Assia
Hi Karen,
I am not sure if there is anything I could say to make you feel better. Although I am 10 years younger I have the same thoughts most of the time…I can only say that you are a beautiful and strong woman and I know you can achieve anything you want!
If you need to talk, you know my email and I can be a good listener as you might already know!
Hang in there! Lots of hugs and kisses!
Thank you, Agata. Thank you for all of your kindness and your friendship. I really appreciate it. Sending you a big hug back!
Karen, anytime. I wish I had something more meaningful to say…
hugs!
i wish i had something meaningful and not too cliche to say, but i rarely do, so just know you’re in my thoughts and take it one day at a time, it will get better.
and more hugs!
Thank you, Daisy. Sending you a big hug in return. 🙂
Hi Karen.. I’m a long time reader and first time commenter. I’m 22 and because of cancer treatment, I am unable to have my own children. Your words resonated with me because I have the same feeling when I think about babies or children.
I just hope you know that if in your heart you are a mom.. there are so many options for you, alone from the natural method of pregnancy. Adoption, egg donation, and surrogacy are all wonderful ways to start a family and none is ‘lesser’ than another. If your heart is ready, your family will find a way to come together and you will find your children through one means or another. It may not be the traditional path that you pictured in your head or that anyone else is taking, but if you are happy in the end, I guarantee it won’t matter to you how it came to be.
Lots of love, and truly hoping you can find peace and re-kindle the joy we all know and love in you.
Nicole
Hi Nicole,
Thank you for this. This is a great reminder; I have to remember that families together in all sorts of different ways. Sending you so much love from across the keyboard.
this is beautiful Nicole. Very great advice for Karen, and very great words for you to live by.
hope you both obtain the family you are hoping for. xoxo
Hey Karen, thank you for being so open here. A lot of bloggers act like blogging is a job or a chore that they have to put on a face for, and I love that you still do this because you love it and you love talking to the people who read it. You’re one of my blogging heroes, and probably a big reason that I feel comfortable playing with and talking about makeup.
I wonder if the recent post my BFF wrote on our blog will help you out? It’s about feeling powerful, and it sounds like you might need it. I’m adding it to the Recent Post thingamajig here.
Hey, I also tried the TJ’s cheesy popcorn on your recommendation, YUM! Reminds me of Pirate’s Booty which my BFF made me try a few years ago. Totally addictive.
Hi Stephanie,
Thank you for always being so nice and kind! I enjoy talking to you and am glad to have met you here.
I’m also glad you discovered the wonder that is TJ’s popcorn! I have a fresh bag in my cupboard waiting for me to devour it. Did you manage to have enough self restraint to not eat it one sitting? Because if you did then you have more willpower than I do.
And thank you for telling me about the post by your BFF. I’ll hop over and check it out. I could use some power right now!
I actually didn’t eat it all in one sitting, although I did eat about half the bag about as soon as it opened! Then I had to go to work…
Karen I’m so sorry that you are going through a hard time right now. Life ebbs and flows for sure. You will get through this.
I am close to 42 and I have several friends who are pregnant. It is not too late by any means!!!! It’s so good that you are reaching out for support. I have always thought of leaving you a comment but never have before- I want you to know that you are an awesome writer – so funny and witty and I can tell that you are a beautiful person, inside and out. I feel like if you lived in NYC we would be friends!! So hang in there and take one day at a time. Xoxo
Hi Karen,
Funny you should mention NYC, because I can totally see myself living there. We’d hang out, for sure (I’d love that!).
And thank you for leaving me a note today. When you turned 40, how was it? Was it emotional for you? And what did you do for your birthday? El Hub keeps telling me that I need to make plans NOW. Part of me wants a party, but part of me also wants to just go into a corner and hide underneath a blanket, LOL. I’m probably being a baby…
I sometimes can’t believe I’m 41 and I probably don’t act it! I do feel more confident the older I get. You look absolutely amazing! Forty, shmorty.
I hope your day got better!! Keep us posted as to how you are doing. Xoxo
Hey Karen, I am turning 40 in 3 days and have experienced the same emotional roller coaster you are. I’m only going to say this: whatever choices you made in life, don’t regret them. Good or bad, they were your choices and you must have had some reason for making them. Go on living your life to the fullest, keep your head up high, and don’t look back (frankly, what’s the use, none of us can change our past anyway). Oh, and as far as the baby goes, don’t give up if that’s what you really want. I’ve known people who had babies when they were 42 and it all worked out well for them.
Hi Broantza,
Thank you for the words of encouragement. I’m going to try to stay positive and hope for the best. Also, happy early birthday to you! I hope that this year brings you so much luck, joy and love.
Well, 40 IS the new 30 hon, so no worries there. You could try the baby makin’ thing, see if it works. I tried to have kids, but couldn’t and that was hard for a few years. Now I’m 48 and when I hear a 3 yr old having a melt down in Target, I go home and I’m thankful for my furry (non melting down) cocker spaniel <3
Monica.
I’m kidfree by choice and I agree with you about seeing kids meltdown in public (in a store, on a plane etc.) Having a kid in your 40s by birth is hard–I have a friend that had her 2nd at 42 and she said she would not suggest it to anyone. Adoption in your 40s and even 50s seems to work out really well for folks. 🙂 but yes…back to the screaming kid in Target…living with 0 regrets here.
The plane is the worst because I can’t escape.. lol.
M.
Dear Karen,
The one thing I’ve always admired about you is how personal you are in your blogs. I’ve been a faithful reader for years and though I’ve never commented, I feel like now is the good time. I know how it feels when you feel like life isn’t going how you planned, there are so many things you’ve gotten to do that others wish they could have. I remember when you went to Italy for D&G! And made a MAC lipgloss (that’s my dream right there!)! And your amazing day trips exploring the cities around you! I guess what I’m trying to say, and what helped me get over my funk, is that you have to look at what you’ve done and accomplished in life and praise yourself for that! You are an amazingly awesome woman whom many of us readers spend our morning coffee with everyday. Not many people can say they connect with as many people as you do and that is such an amazing thing. So take a week off, reflect, and have some time to yourself (you definitely deserve it!). Just know that we’re all here cheering you on and reminding you that you are not defined by yesterday, but what you do today. Sometimes setting small goals such as cleaning one corner of the office turns into accomplishing the major goal. Start small and work your way up 🙂 Keep your head up Karen and know that you are loved!
And a little side note I’ve been meaning to comment on– you are definitely the most gorgeous you’ve ever been. Your hair and skin, I’m so envious!
Lots of hugs, Retrofox
Oh Karen, I wish I could just give you a BIG HUG!!!
In lieu of that, maybe consider this article a type of hug? http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2013/07/how-long-can-you-wait-to-have-a-baby/309374/
I’m only 27, but for the last 2 years or so I’ve been more worried than I care to admit about having kids, and timing, and all that. (My hubby doesn’t want to have kids while we’re in NYC, and I don’t really see us moving for at least the next 5-10 years.) That article really helped to alleviate some of the worry I’d been feeling – and I hope it might be encouraging, or at least a type of stepping stone towards positive thinking for you!
I’ve also been diving a bit into a self-business-guru’s work (her name is Christine Kane), and she really emphasizes not “doing it all” – for example, if mowing your lawn drains you, then hire someone to do it, so you can focus on the things you care about and are good at. And she also talks about making time for you and your own wellbeing in your business, because you are your business! And your business is there to support your life, *not* the other way around. Might be relevant, might not, but she’s really been resonating with me so I wanted to share. 🙂
I hope you know that we all care about you SO much, and want the best for you. You do you, girl, and post whatever you want (or don’t)! We’ll be here whenever you need us.
(HUG.)
Hi Karen,
For some reason, my comments never pop up here. I just wanted to say that it is so touching to see you open up like this and be a real person. I’m sure you will have everything you need, including children. 40 is definitely the new 30, life will have some amazing things in store for you. And clutter – it exists everywhere, you’ll take care of it when you take care of it 🙂 !
Oooh, and for your 40th, I recommend a good ‘ol vacation.
Lots of love!
Karen, you are so beautiful. Drag queen karaoke? Serious. 😉
You are lovely and human and growing organically. Life’s an adventure. It looks like you have some things to address that you’ve been holding inside. That’s the nature of feelings. So take some time and listen to them, but don’t be afraid because a feeling can’t, by itself, destroy you.
“The ocean of suffering is immense, but if you turn around, you can see the land.”
You’re weathering some challenges, but you’ll come out better and stronger. 🙂
I am a long time reader and I hate to read this but I know it’s your truth and I thank you for sharing it. I just want to say you can still do what you want you can make it happen!! I know I’m time you’ll see that.
Look onwards and not backwards! 🙂
Hi Karen,
So sorry to hear what you’ve been going through but hang in there because this too shall pass. I’m turning the big 40 next year and at a recent doctor’s appt I was referred to as middle aged! WTH!
My husband and I have been friends since the age of 3 but didn’t get married until our mid 30s and even though we wanted children it just wasn’t in the cards for us. I get weepy sometimes as well when I see babies but we know we made the best decision for us. Life’s all about decisions right and if you know in your heart of hearts that you want a child then definitely explore all of your options Everything always works out exactly the way it was meant to be in the end. Thanks for sharing such a personal story with us.
Sending good vibes from the East Coast!
Take care,
-Tracy
I think you’re amazing. Thanks for being open. Have you read Amanda Palmers book called “The Art of Asking”? I highly suggest it. I often feel the way you described and the book made me feel more normal. And feeling normal helps. We are all here for you.
Hi Karen,
I have a friend that had her 2nd at 42. It’s always worth a shot.
I’m kid free by choice (with hubby nearly 21 years) and I’m so happy that we made the choice together. However, it’s a hard choice and perhaps the hardest choice I’ve ever had to make.
I would suggest adoption. If you are that emotional about kids I would say adopting a toddler would be amazing. There are millions of kids in the world without parents and having a kid after 40 brings up a lot of chances in health (for you and the baby). So…I’m super pro adoption because my mother in law was adopted with her brother as a toddler. Someone gave them up as a toddler (can you imagine). It’s hard to get a baby but I will say there’s toddlers you can adopt through the state. Plus, the sate will give money and health care until they are 18 (at least they do in RI and MA). You foster to adopt and work with the state. Or you can go overseas but I know adopting through the state is better (because it’s so expensive to adopt over seas). If you’re getting the emotional reaction I would say go to a few of the adoption classes. It would change your life. I will say living without regret is KEY. Life is too short to live with any regrets, Karen. *hugs*
I understand changes being an emotional time. As far as the house goes, do you think getting a decorator to dump some of the work on will help? hehe. And an organizing company can help you with the office in no time. I am all about delegating to make time for the bigger, better things you need to think about.
Karen, I’m thinking of you and praying for you, and hope you know how loved you are. <3 and if I lived nearby I would bake you cake and make a pot of tea.
Changes are tough. But just know you're doing awesome by not hiding from it. I also know how valuable change and the pain that often accompanies it can be for helping us to heal, to find life and joy. It may not be the easiest chapter in the book, but the chapters do change and are part of our stories. I've also learned the changes, the problems, the pain, it all teaches me something. But it also isn't my identity. And it doesn't last forever.
thanks for being honest and real. I don't comment often but I read every post and think, gee I love this girl! 🙂
Best and dearest Karen,
Reading this made me wish I could just reach out to you and hug you.
I guess you have no idea how much reading your blog means to me: You brighten up my day when I am exhausted, you make me smile when I all I want to do is cry and your talk of pink fluffy unicorns keeps my silly dreams alive.
You are such a strong and beautiful woman (both inside and out), but trying to get everything done at once is too much for all of us.
It can be hard to figure out what we really want, especially regarding having family, and there is neither a “wrong decision” nor a “too late”.
Sometimes we think we want something just because we fear we can have it no longer…
But if you want a bigger family, there are so many different ways aside from having a baby the natural way. Family is about love and memories, not about genes and giving birth.
And, on another note, I was told I couldn’t have babies at the age of 28 and believed it until I showed up at my obstetrician to talk about IVF, aged 33. She told me I was 8 weeks pregnant already.
I lost the baby shortly after. That was the darkest time in my life, I felt like I had been teased by the gods, granting me a wish just to take it away again. My husband told me not to loose hope, and he was right.
Keep dreaming! And be gentle on yourself. You give so much, take the time you need, focus n your well-being and be assured there are so many people out there that truly care for you even if they have never met you in person.
I´ll go make some hot chocolate and send you warm, chocolatey thoughts from the center of my chaotic apartment where pictures still wait to be put up and there is no light in the bedroom, despite us living there for more than two years.
Karen thank you for taking the time and courage to write such a heartfelt post. I’m sending you warm and positive thoughts from across the Atlantic…while meditating about what you wrote. Food for thought – especially the kids part in my case.
I hope you get all the relaxation, sunshine, TLC and tabby hugs you need over the next few days.
((((big hugs))))
Oh Karen! I just wanted to say 40 is not too late for kiddos. I hope you can get some peace with this transition and take time to figure out what you really want to do and how to go about heading in that direction. I understand about getting trapped into the daily grind and never taking time out to even think about the big picture. *hugs* and thank you for sharing such personal thoughts with us!
Really enjoyed your being so open with us. We all go thru life’s ups and downs. Do not give up on being a Mom. Don’t worry about the birthday number celebrate!! So many women become moms in their 40’s and they are so happy that they waited as they accomplished their career, travels, home etc. Pray and Practice.
God Bless
Karen, thank you so much for being so honest and open with all of us! Like the others, I’m sending hugs!
Thank you for sharing this with us. I know that I don’t have the words to make it better but know that we are here for you and as much as you want to vent please do. I think, especially in today’s society, that we need to handle our own problems and not burden others. But honestly people do want to be there to help and share the burden. I’ve had to learn this and still struggle with it.
I wish I could give you a big hug. Hopefully your 40s will bring many blessings and new experiences that will bring your heart joy. Maybe that will be a baby or 10 baby Tabs! 🙂
Much love to you from Washington State! 🙂
Hang in there sweetie. You have a wonderful husband and a beautiful cat, and so many talents. What’s meant for you will come. Take some time for yourself, be kind to yourself, and your readers are not going anywhere! Sending you good vibes from the peninsula!
Karen, your blog has always been the most amazing little ray of sunshine to me. It’s made me laugh and smile when I’ve gone through difficult times. Obviously, I’m not the only one who feels this way 🙂
Thank you for being such an amazing, real person. Take care of yourself. Everyone is their own worst critic (I know I am!).
Oh Karen, it is so hard hitting these milestones!
I am turning 30 on Sunday, and although I am ten years younger than you, I have had similar thoughts and fears, especially about my career. About 6 months ago, I started having major doubts about my chosen career path and was feeling downright miserable about spending the last ten years of my life dedicated to that path. My husband had to deal with me being a basket case for a few months while I figured stuff out and I really relied on him for support. I am in a new line of work now, feel a lot better, but I think at some level I will always be plagued with doubt. We always doubt our choices and if we have “waited too long” to make a big change. In regards to family, like other posters have mentioned, there are always so many options to having children now days. If it is in your heart and your gut, do it!
You are such a lovely person and I wish you all the best. You deserve happiness! Remember to breathe and take all the time you need to de-stress and figure things out. Sending you virtual hugs!
Oh Karen, you have so many people here that read what you write every single day and would love to just give you a big ‘ol hug. I look forward to your email popping up in my inbox and I just take a break and open it right up 🙂 I feel like so many of us struggle with who we are supposed to be, but just struggle internally. I’m 28 and last year was one of the hardest years I’ve ever gone through. I struggled with daily migraines and then went through a surprise gallbladder surgery that took months to recover from. I also watched my younger friend have the cutest baby on earth and it made me really consider and think…who the heck am I and what am I supposed to be doing with my life? I still don’t know if I’m supposed to be a mom, what I’m supposed to be doing with my life, and have nothing figured out. But every day my husband reminds me that as long as we have things we are happy with and are doing things we enjoy, that’s all that matters. It doesn’t do well to dwell and I’m thankful that I have him to remind me of that. You will figure out what your right path is and if you don’t, you still have Tabs, your husband, and your love of beauty 🙂 Sometimes it just takes a reminder to consider the little things that provide joy. If you need a break, girl you take that break 🙂
Karen,
There are never the right words there when you need them! I wish I could just ” puff ” away your bad feelings and tell you that tomorrow when you wake up this gloom will all be over !
However, I must tell you that everyday I look forward to your blog .
When all else fails, I get to read about a new product, a pretty new color, new lippie, or lavish in your excellent writing style.
It does not make me happy to hear that Karen is upset.
please know we all love you and care very much about you !
Write to me anytime,-Michele
Oh my dear Karen…How I feel for you. Sometimes you just have to do things for YOU. Let the blog be for a few days or however long it takes. I think I’m older than the average reader as I’m turning 60 in June. Arrrgggghhhhh! But with my increased age and wisdom, I do know one thing: life changes, nothing is static, and just when things look so bleak, something comes along to shift that to a better place for us! I’m a big believer in your personal digs being inspiring and happy for you. Clean, organize, add a piece of furniture, etc. It’s not written in stone, so be brave! You are living in your condo NOW, so make it the way you want- a place to inspire, cheer and comfort you and your loved ones. Do it at a pace that is good for you! My life has been a bit different than yours; met Mr. Wrong, got married at 16 (because I knew it was true lurve, lol), found out he was an abuser, was divorced by 18, single and working with my dear son for a while, and now I have been married to a wonderful man for nearly 33 years. As far as having a baby, yes, they are blessings, and your feelings are so understandable. My heart is with you that whatever good is meant to pass for you that it will! Life hands surprises to us all. 5 1/2 years ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I still have it, as it is considered non curable, but it is very slow to progress, and hasn’t done so yet! It’s really weird to say this, but I’ll be honest. This has all made me a much better, kinder person, or at least I aspire to be every day of my life. With all these “surprises”, my fairly clean, organized home is a source of joy and not stress. Thank goodness. I know you can do that for yourself, too. You truly can!
Loooooong story short? Do what is right for YOU. We’re here, and will stay here for when you’re ready. It sounds simplistic, but snazz up that space o’ yours! It will change your vibe- I promise! While we blog readers love your timely posts, it’s you time right now. We moved 4.5 hours away last year from our last locale, and did I ever purge things. I hope some happy shopper at Goodwill enjoys it, lol. If something is weighing you down, it doesn’t have a place in your life. P.S. Just make sure to keep Tabs, please? I love that husky tabby! Keep in mind that none of this is an overnight process. There is a book I am planning on purchasing today- maybe you’ll want it too? It is called “The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up: the Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing” by Marie Kondo. I hear it is amazing, and it sounds like just the ticket for lots of us. And finally, remember that this all will pass. You are well loved by lots of people and that counts for a lot. Many hugs to you, dear friend.
Hey Karen,
Uh-uh… 40 is NOT too late for kiddies, you have so many options so don’t even worry about it, instead focus on what route you’d like to take. You are PLENTY young and we as women are faced with tough decisions… Do I have a family, can I keep a career, should I buy this new KVD Shade and Light eye palette (BTW, men can totally buy this too)… etc. and the answer to all of this is YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT – regardless of age. Feel what your feeling – own it, then let it go and carry on in whatever you choose to do. 🙂 Hugs!
Karen, I read you faithfully, hardly ever comment, but you just seem like a friend I would like to hug right now! Chin up, baby girl, and thanks for being so open and honest. It lets us all breathe a sigh of relief…we are in this together, not alone.
Love and prayers!
Hi, Karen – first of all, HUGS! I am about to turn 50 in June and I get it. I remember when I was about to turn 40. 30 was no big deal, but somehow 40 was different. I felt like my life might be half over and what had I accomplished? The fact is, what matters is the mark you leave behind with your loved ones, and also with everyone you touch. And, my dear, you have left quite a mark. You are a ray of sunshine to your fans, your readers. You leave us feeling lighter and brighter after we read your posts. That is quite an accomplishment! You touch many people. By the way, my sister-in-law and brother had a child when she was 41. If you want to do it you can! There’s some lady in Germany that’s 65 and pregnant (okay, that’s a little extreme because I might be too tired by then). Bottom line is, you have to do what is best for you. Listen to your heart. You know what it is. Nobody else can live your life. Now I know I didn’t really know myself until I was 40. I took a good, long look at my life and went into therapy (I’m still there now). I learned a lot, and am still learning (and still have tuneups with my trusty therapist). You are a treasure; you’re not your office, you’re not your kids or lack thereof. You have a gift and we appreciate you. Everyone has funks sometimes and I am glad you are sharing with us. Vent away if you need to. We are here for you.
This is such a weird coincidence. I haven’t had time to read your blog for a few weeks due to a lot of things going on at work and home and I am not the type to leave comments either.
I’m just going to tell you that I turned 40 last August and last Thursday I found out I’m pregnant!!!
This was completely unexpected and after 12 years of having my little boy.
So it’s not too late If you really want one!
It was meant for me to read your blog today.
Be happy! You’re healthy and that alone is enough to celebrate and feel good!
Hugs and Kisses.
I turned 39 in march and I know what you mean by time passing so quickly. I used to go out all the time but when I got into my 30’s it became too much partying and decided to clean my life (work, friends etc.) In my 20’s I wanted a child but never was with the right guy. Now l’m with a wonderful man but he was in his 40’s and didn’t have one paternal bone in him even though he has a nephew and a niece that he spoils like crazy.
I made a decision to say goodbye to that dream and even though it took some time for people to understand they supported me with that decision. I love kids but l’m okay with not having one!
Hang in there!
I agree with several other posters, 40 is the new 30. These days 40 doesn’t mean you can’t still have a baby.
I’m 45 and childless by choice. A few years ago my best friend had to have a complete hysterectomy for health reasons. I had no idea she was still holding out hope that she would have children and it broke my heart that she was devastated. Once she realized she COULD still have kids, just not in a traditional way I think it was a lot easier to handle. My point is there are many different options, don’t give up and don’t feel like a fool for waiting. Time goes SO fast when we get older. I swear I still feel like a kid playing house, I do NOT feel like an adult.
Men don’t understand these things, I already told my husband to brace himself for 50. I’m NOT looking forward to that birthday.
I understand the feelings you are having right now. I do have one daughter I had at 18. I am 35 now and the love of my life really really wants children. I am sad that I can’t give him any and I never thought that a doctor would say “you can’t have another one.” Yes, I know I sound selfish because I already have one and because there are children out there in need of families. But I want to create life with him. I am not going to tell you that if you want children bad enough you will seek other methods; yes, they are there but I would never criticize anyone for not trying those other options.
What I am going to tell you though is that “life starts at 40.” Well, thats what they say anyway. Life begins every single day we awake. May you have the happiest of the birthdays and that this new decade brings you health, much love and happiness. You are not alone, you have us to support you through this!!
xoxo
Oh Karen, I wish I could jump in the screen and give you a hug. I completely understand how you feel, in fact I’m pretty much going through a similar situation here, even though I’m 32 but I can’t decide whether I feel young or growing old, you know? (it was quite a shock to discover a couple of white hairs on my head the other day ha!). But try to focus on the positive things in your life, or else it might cause a hormonal war inside out! For one, you are a stunning woman, creative and successful, communication with your husband seems pretty amazing to me I guess, you have this gorgeous cat and good health (I hope!!). So, deep breaths, and even if you shut down the computer for as long as you like (and deserve) is totally acceptable, if not obligatory!!! I’m sure you’ll figure things out, besides all this is normal, a lot of us encounter situations like this. I really, truly wish that your dreams come true whenever the time is right (every time I try to force things I have the opposite results, I mean that’s terrible). By the way, I tend to believe (from personal experience) that if you leave all things aside and just do a nice, tiring, perspiration-causing spring cleaning and de-cluttering, you’ll feel soooo much better! (I need to fix my mess of a house ASAP btw lol). Sunny hugs from Greece 🙂
Hi Katia,
Sending you a big hug back. 🙂 Thank you for writing me today. This made me smile.
Dearest Karen!
I’ve tried to write something meaningful and deep, but nothing seems good or in any way helpful. Please know that you give me joy with every post and that I think you’re a wonderful, funny and fascinating person full of warmth and quirkiness and beauty. I hope you’ll find a way to feel better soon.
I’m sending you lots of hugs and kisses from Germany.
Take care!
Anne
Hi Anne,
You’re so sweet and kind. Thank you for the love and support! 🙂
Sending ginormous hugs to you Karen, I’m so sorry to hear you’re having a crappy time. And now…prepare for a cliche ridden diatribe lol
I’m glad you wrote this post and that you felt you could share with us, its why you’re one of the best in the blogosphere (yep, totally just said blogosphere) because you’re REAL. So many bloggers just give us the shiny edited highlights of their lives where everything looks perfect and well decorated and tidy. Perfect wardrobe, perfect husband, perfect diet, perfect, perfect perfect. And it’s just nonsense. No one’s life is that perfect. We all have ups and downs and trials and tribulations and thats just part of the journey and our individual path.
I’m not much of a one to give advice (honestly, if you could see me right now you’d understand) but all I can say is that I think you should allow yourself some time to process it all. I don’t want to say wallow because that sounds so terrible, but its kind of what I mean. Just marinate in it all and then figure out one next step. Just one. Don’t try and change everything overnight because it will only end up being overwhelming and make it all feel ten times worse and then you’ll beat yourself up about not progressing again, because don’t we all! Once you’ve done that one, do another and and another and you’ll get there.
I can’t give you much advice on the kid thing, but I don’t think 40 is too late and like a couple of the other commenters said, family isn’t always about DNA. Tabs is your family, right? lol It’s just an option thats out there for you (rather than me preaching!), I don’t want you to feel like doors are slamming in your face because you’ve hit a certain age. You’re a remarkable, talented, beautiful woman and you brighten the lives of literally thousands of us with your great advice and fun posts. I speak for all of us when we say that you’re very much loved and if we had a magic wand we’d totally fix everything for you.
I’m sending love and light, you’ll figure it out I know. Just don’t be too hard on yourself pretty lady, you’re awesome.
P.S. Ever read any books by Gabrielle Bernstein? If you haven’t maybe try “Miracles Now”. It’s not too heavy and just gives you some good little snippets of positive stuff without being too happy-clappy, you know? xx
Hi Beth,
Thank you for this kind letter. I will happily soak in the love and light that you’re sending. 🙂 And thank you for the book rec — just added it into my list.
I hope that you’re having a good week so far.
Your openness and realness are two of the reasons your blog is my favourite. Hang in there, girl. You’ll get through. And 40 is absolutely the new 30. You can totally still try the kids thing if that’s what your heart wants. Why not? And there are lots of different ways. 🙂 Take care.
Thank you, Amy. 🙂 I hope that you’re having a nice day so far.
Karen, thank you so much for being so honest and open with all of us! I’ve been a longtime reader, but I’ve never commented until now. I just wanted to say that,like the others, I’m sending hugs!
Turning 40 is not all bad. You are another year older, but hey, in order to make that accomplishment you have to be living. You will be entering different decade in life, so instead of seeing it in a negative light, make it a decade that outshines the previous decades. You are a beautiful person and age can not change that.
Hi Karen –
As much as I love your beauty posts and makeup swatches (and thank you for doing them!!), this is what will get me to comment. Please consider working with a talk therapist near you to explore some of these feelings and learn how to deal with them. As many other readers have noted above, they – in one form or another – strike us all from time to time. Something like cognitive behavior therapy can be very helpful for understanding what is really behind it all and how to move forward at this time. Therapy does not mean you’re crazy; it’s often the most successful who are also the most sensitive.
I will be praying for you.
Jill
I don’t comment very often but I felt compelled to with this post. I just turned 42 and I totally feel you. I don’t feel the child thing very much but I do have times when I’m a bit bitter about how hard life has been and almost feel like I didn’t have a choice about having kids because life has never been easy enough that I even feel it was an option; I wouldn’t want to bring a child into this world unless I was financially stable enough. Hubby and I are actually making a new start AGAIN. We’ve finally realized that although California is our home it just isn’t feasible for us to stay here anymore and we’re moving to Oregon. I’m excited but it sucks too since my parents are here and my sister is moving back to the area literally the day I leave. I’ll just say hang in there; it’s what I tell myself. <3
Oh, Honey, I am going to be 60 next Tuesday. I think we have to let go of the idea of a certain age defining who we are, and just be who we are as an ageless quantity. Because, I am sure you do not feel older than you were, right? We tend to take on other people’s ideas about it (oh, my lumbago!!) LOL!
Love to you and Tabs and Hubby–
p.s. My mother had me at 43. Children didn’t work out for me. Wishes of well being for your family.
Hi Karen, it hasn’t been very long since I started following your blog and watching your YouTube videos, but I am so glad I found you. I enjoy your humor, your helpful tips, and your openness. I completely understand about having moments in life when you look back and wonder if you “should have” done a few things differently. I think you are strong and brave for sharing such a vulnerable moment of your life with all of us, and I do hope tomorrow feels a little brighter for you. Sending you good vibes!
Hi Karen,
Thanks for being so brave and open. I wish I could give you a big hug! Take some time to take care of yourself, and we’ll be here when you’re ready.
Thanks,
Katherine
Hi Karen,
So sorry to hear that you’re going through this. The good news is that a lot of women are having babies at 40 and older. It can still happen. You never know what great things God has in store for you. I’m 48 and about to go through the big “change of life.” I get a little weepy around babies too. I have a daughter who will be turning 22 in June, but very often I wish I would have had another child. It’s normal to feel sad about these things. It will get better though. Sending lots of positive thoughts and prayers your way. Hugs!!
I want you to know I have never subscribed to a beauty blog until reading yours!!! I find everything about you amazing. you are very unique! I also have never commented before. I am a fifty year old woman from Canada without children. I chose this with my husband of almost thirty years. I have been treated poorly for that choice. I find you kind and sensitive therefore this is understandably a hard time for you. I hope this story isn”t too weird or rude(I love your sense of humour!) but I had this experience at a eddie bauer store. I wasn’t purchasing but my friend was . so the sales lady was really pushing a swiss army knife on me. lol she said I could use it for my children, camping, or working!(very pushy) so I said “actually I don’t have any children”,”I never go camping” , “and I don’t work”. (at the time) I never said it rudely just said it as I thought it. my friends however like to retell that story again and again!!! I will follow you wherever this leads and know that up in Canada you are sincerely appreciated and admired !!!
Big hugs and lots of yummy tabby bellymeat!! Are you a Leo? I swear reading this post was like hearing my own internal monologue (more like a harangue). Sometimes you have to give yourself permission to wallow in the disappointment, but only temporarily. You are so much more awesome than you give yourself credit for. Trust that the One who holds us all in His hands knows what He’s doing. I kinda live for this blog…it’s the whole crazy cat lady makeup maven connection so I’m praying for you. Peace and Blessings.
Karen,
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings with us. Firstly, the 40’s ARE the new 30’s. Yes, we’re older but better, in many ways. We consume ourselves with real life and don’t sweat the small things. We continuously look to improve ourselves (even more than before) and completely get the gist that life is short and you gotta make it count! Gone are the days of wishey-washeyness” (that’s a very good thing!). Know this: You are FANTASTIC (and one of my top fav beauty bloggers!) you are funny and an expert in your field, you share because you have A LOT to give and you are very much loved by all of us…your followers Aaaaand oh yes, All good things come In perfect timing!! Be patient. Don’t overthink life. Hugs to u!
On the kid thing, if you want to have your own biological child and ever have trouble doing so, run… Don’t walk… To CCRM in Denver Colorado. By far the best infertility clinic in the country and money well spent. They are miracle workers. Best wishes to you Karen.
Thank you for being so honest with us, and know that you’re being heard and cared for! I’m going through some similar sh*t right now too, so I can relate. Just know that everything happens the way it was meant to, and although that may not always be what we had in mind, or want at the moment, that there is meaning in everything. I’ll be sending you loads of good energy, you are worth every ounce of it!
Hi Karen,
I am a constant reader of your blog, because I am so proud of what you have achieved. Pinay ka din kasi so that adds to my admiration! 🙂
This post hit me hard! My husband and I wanted to have a baby but kept putting it off because we are busy with work, and have to earn money for a living. I feel like we are letting pass by without doing anything about it. We need to start prioritizing things NOW or else.
Hope you feel better soon!
Hugs from the Philippines,
Juvy
It’s never too late!
And I completely sympathize on the space and clutter thing. It’s so overwhelming and so easy to just run or outwork yourself from the problems. Also – if you talk to the people closest to you, I’m sure the hubs and Tabs would both suggest you work bit by bit until it’s all clear to solve the situation but it’s the most frustrating simple advice to hear! Don’t they freakin have an app for that?!
My personal save from the clutter was getting a new place and the rest came from a much needed divorce and then working out. This was almost two years in the making. I don’t believe the new place is needed since you already got digs and the d word is best left for dainty delicate double stuffer Oreos or some other mildly emotionally saving treat.
It’s very brave to post something this open and close to your heart, and it’s just easier to ignore. Just know that you have many many readers (I’m just trying to not make it all about me here) who love to be your ‘net bestie and can commiserate and let you know you’re not alone!
Hi Karen-
First of all, I just wanted to reach out through the keyboard and give you a hug. I understand about being self-reflective and going through things lately. I’ve been doing a lot of that (being introspective) over the past couple of weeks. My world has been turned upside down since the sudden yet expected death of my father. Although I’m a few years younger than you, I was suddenly flooded with regrets about not settling down and having children since they’ll never know him now.
That talk about me aside, I just wanted to let you know you’re not alone. One of the reasons why I read this blog is because it’s personal in its own way. I enjoy what you share with the world. Just remember that you’re a beautiful, strong woman who has a wonderful hub to talk things through and a sweet furry boss in Tabs. You’re surrounded by love at home- and many of us online are also sending love. Whatever decisions you come to, just remember that you’re loved. I’ve learned over the past month that love can make up for many, many things. You’re capable of doing whatever you put your mind to, but just listen to your heart. It won’t lead you astray.
You’re not alone, and you’ll conquer that milestone looking fabulous.
Karen,
Lots of hugs your way! Thank you for showing your vulnerability. It makes you even more beautiful than you already are. When I read what you confessed to your readers, it really hit home. I know exactly what you mean about being too tired to make your home a home. I do that same thing, constantly talk about it yet never follow through which makes me feel like crap.
I feel you on the baby making. I am 35 and we can’t seem to get pregnant and I don’t know if I want to anymore since I’m getting older and more set in my ways. (wait..this is not about me, it’s about you.)
I just want you to know that we are all here to listen and support you. Thank you for reaching out and allowing us readers and fans of yours into your life 🙂
XOXO
Sarah
Oh, sweetie, the big 4-0 is rough. (((((((((Hugs))))))))) What you’re going through is completely normal. Hormones are changing radically: Did you know you can be perimenopausal for 10 years or more before going through menopause. I didn’t…till I was 38 and I had PMS for the first time in my life, yet was skipping every other period. Then the gyno told me. I’m turned 45 in October, and it hit me that I was only 10 years away from getting senior citizen discounts. Silly, but that’s what kind of horrified me. I also get panicking about getting my home improvements done, taking that second honeymoon I’ve always wanted, wondering if and when I’ll be a grandma.
We’d always wanted a lot of kids; wanted to adopt some girls from China. But our two boys had so many issues, and took so much time and money. I couldn’t see bringing in any children, birth or adopted, into it all. It was a tough pill to swallow.
For yourself, though, so many people are having kids in their 40s nowdays, and there are doctors who know how to work with them. There is still time, if you decide you want them. There are a ton of foster kids and babies needing adopted. There is nothing wrong with deciding to stay childless, either. You’re a stong person, and you’ll find the right path for yourself.
Hi Karen,
Thank you for sharing. I love your blog, and as someone with similar skin as yours, I look to you for an honest preview of how a product may look on me.
I can feel the pain in your words, and I’ll be including you in my prayers. Here’s Scripture that has gotten me through some tough times: “For I know the plans I have for you” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” –Jeremiah 29:11, NIV
That is one of my favorite Bible verses, and gives me such comfort in down times. Thanks for sharing. Kim
Cheers to you for your honesty. You don’t owe it to anyone, but it’s cool that you posted the truth.
Hey Karen,
Haven’t commented in a while but just wanted to thank you for being a consitent part of my daily smiles.
And a big e-hug being sent to you for all that this human coil doles out. I’m sorry life sucks and bearing the weight has become heavy. It’s well and good to speak out as you have. I can only wish for you a lightened load, through resolution or even just recognition of any turmoil.
Dear Karen,
I’m a daily reader, and 1st time commenter (sorry!!) Your post today makes me adore you a million times more, if that is even possible!
First, you’re going to be 40?! Girl, I thought you were about 29 years old, no joke. I know these milestones are tough…I am almost 37 and in the exact same “baby” situation as you. Let me tell you, 40 is NOT too old to have a child. I’m a nurse and see more women in their 40s having children every day. If it’s not possible for you, don’t give up…there are so many options. They may not be the options you envisioned, but they may be what was planned for you in your life by something greater than us. There is no book saying “you MUST have children, a clean house and a white picket fence by age 25.”
This is easier said than done. I know, I tell myself all the time. You have worked so hard to put smiles on thousands of faces, including mine, so please give yourself some pampering ‘Karen Time. ‘ take some time for you. Blog about whatever you want, not what you feel that others want. This is YOUR time to sit back and be kind to your beautiful self.
You have many people out here that absolutely adore you. Let me say you have helped me through some serious rough life patches, and still are. I thank you for that and want you to know that your readers are here to help you!
Keep positive, Karen. You’re a beautiful and funny woman. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Xx,
Lauren
Dear Karen,
Thank you for sharing what you are going through. Please do not feel like you need to get your sh*t together! You have it together! You write an amazing blog, you are SO FUNNY and talented, you love your husband and that demanding (ha ha) cat of yours. I wish I could give you a big hug right now and tell you that everything is going to be alright. Because it really will be. I know exactly how you feel about kiddos, but in a bit of a different way. Long story short, I had secondary infertility. I struggled with this emotionally for so many years! My son is now 15 years old and 14 months ago we adopted two teenage girls from Ukraine. They are so wonderful, and such an amazing addition to our family. Now, I can look back on all that heartache and say, “This is what you had in store for me God and it is better than I ever could have imagined!”. Oh Karen, hang in there and know how loved you are. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Blessings from Colorado, Kim
Hi Karen,
I am really sorry to read that you’re having a tough time. I am close-ish to my thirties now, and while there are different issues, I can sort of understand what it feels like to get near the closing of a decade. I’m sort of stopping being a girl and going to be a woman, when time goes faster and faster and you are more aware day by day of how bittersweet life can be. I picture myself with kids in a few years and it scares the hell out of me in a lot of ways (they will grow up in no time and I will feel old; will I be alone to raise them or will I still have my family behind me; will they come easily and be healthy, or will there be a lot of suffering ahead? etc.)
I think every age comes with its own questions and challenges, and you’re not a freak for, well, freaking out just now! You’re just realizing a ton of new feelings and perspectives and you need time for yourself. You’ll end up making new space for a new Karen, and maybe you’ll soon tick the office organizing thing off your list!
As for the baby time: you can’t assume you’re going to have difficulties just because you’re not 25 or 35. If you still need contraception you can definitely have a baby!
You might have less time for trying though, so if I may suggest you, it might be wise to have a basic fertility check-up first (both you and El Hub), one which does not involve any invasive procedures of course. Especially mens’ procedures are simple and useful, and rather fun for the patient 😛 Sometimes even a simple infection with no symptoms can delay getting pregnant for months, where a couple of antibiotics would have done it if one just knew, so it might be a good option to rule these things out before you even start trying. Future husband and I are going to do the same when we decide it’s time, and we’re 10 years younger 🙂
Cheer up, you’ve got a whole bunch of beauty addicts and (would-be) cat ladies worldwide to virtually support you!
Many hugs (and pets to Tabby!)
Hey girl, hey, just sending you hugs. All women seem to have this in common – putting so much pressure on ourselves, deserved or not. I’m a big believer that things will work out the way they’re supposed to – and also that getting out of town, for any length of time, is super helpful in clearing your mind. I had a bit of a crisis myself last fall, and nothing really helped except talking it through with close friends and family and getting to work on what felt most important. <3
Karen, I think I’ve left you one comment before..maybe..I don’t comment much to anyone. I always read your blog. This really blew me away though so thought would reach out. I had my meltdown when I turned 30, so I know what you mean. I’m 47 now. I had my children early. Very early! I think you did the right thing by waiting, I didn’t have a clue what I was doing. They are grown now, I kinda grew up with them. If a child is what you want, you can have that. You are at the perfect age IMO! I was young and lost! They paid for it too! Your career is set, you would be a great mother! I’ve never read or watched a blogger or utuber that has been so open and honest! With all due respect to them, I see fake all over the place! You seem like a great girl, excuse me, woman! Have that baby girlfriend!! Btw, 40 not too bad! Jk, it sucks!! Haha!! Hugs and kisses!! ❤️
Wow, I honestly feel like you just wrote a lotta bit about me! I’m just a couple of years behind you and I feel exactly like you sound right now.
We did a whole home reno a few years back where we turned my childhood home from a bungalow to a two storey house to accommodate myself & hubby, my mom, brother and cousin. The short version of this story is that I still have some painting to do, a mirror and some shelves that still need to go up and some furniture that needs to be replaced. It’s driving me up the wall because I want to do it all, but you know what? The house isn’t going anywhere and neither are we, so I’ve convinced myself to chill on the “getting everything done now” and am just doing things as I have time for and see fit.
As for the child issue…well I absolutely understand where you are with that. I get stupidly teary when I see little kids near me. It’s been 3.5 years of trying only to find out there was a reason we couldn’t conceive, one failed IVF, one failed FET and countless tears and nervous breakdowns for me. But you know what? My husband has been my rock this whole time. (Random, that just made me think of The Rock, Dwayne Johnson! Haha!) And I may not have a large group of friends, but the ones I have have been absolutely supportive in getting me though this. My hubby and I are going to try to do another round of IVF again, but we’ve discussed adoption as well. It’s been very rough for me to try to get everything out on the table, so to speak, with him since I wasn’t sure how to express a lot of my thoughts. But honestly, once we started talking and put it all out there (EVERYTHING) then we started to have a clearer picture.
You lean on who you need to lean on and get everything out to who you want to listen. Take some time off for you if you need it. We’ll still be here waiting for you. We’re not going anywhere and we’ll be rooting for you the whole way through.
Karen… first, you’re beautiful. Second, so many of us love you. Third, I have two children and they were born when I was 40 and 42, respectively. No drugs required. So go for it if you want to! It’s not too late, and you’ll be a great mother for having maturity to bring to it.
Feel better!
Girl, what you need right now is to take a deep breath and have an XXL Margarita.
A number is just that: a number. It has no meaning by itself. It’s only what you make of it. There nothing you HAVE to have achieved when you reach a certain number. Other people might make you feel like that, but if they do, just ignore them. I don’t know a single person with that kind of attitude who’s actually happy. Your life is yours and you do what you want with it, when you want.
If having a child is what you want, then of course it’s not too late. A couple months ago I went to a new OB GYN and she gave me the “you’re almost expired” talk because I’m 35. I could have strangled her. Yes, it might not be as easy as it is for a 25 year-old. But you know what? Some 25-year olds have a hard time getting pregnant, and some 40-year old get pregnant within a few cycles. So, whatever. If you need help, there’s a lot that can be done.
Come on, get another sip of Margarita and listen to loud music. You’ll be alright.
Hi Karen, I wish I had some words of wisdom for you, but all I can think to say is to take care of yourself. Be gentle with yourself and please don’t beat yourself up for how you feel. Take care of yourself and know that we are here for you when you feel like being here with us.
PS–My mom was 40 when I was born and that was 50+ years ago. Nowdays lots of women in their 40s have children.
Karen, I’ve been a faithful reader since 2010… and I have to tell you, your blog is the first website I visit EACH AND EVERY DAY. I get to work, check my emails, respond to voicemails, and then it’s time to see what you’re up to. So please, know that even though children haven’t happened yet in your amazing life, that you have been a profound influence on SO MANY LIVES. You introduced me to MAC, you showed me Trader Joes, and most of all, you showed me how a strong woman could have her own voice. There is NO blog out there like you, not one. I have never found anything I relate to so much as this in the blogging world, and that should show you that you have done something right, and good with your time and talents. Please, please know that I am thinking of you, and cheering you on from Wisconsin, in whatever life endeavors come your way.
All my love, Julia.
Oh Karen, I wish I could give you a big hug right now. God bless you for your openness. I’m going through a similar type of thing…my blog’s been stalled for awhile. I really understand the things you mentioned.
I just wanted to tell you that 40s are so much better than 30s!! You care less about living up to people’s expectations and care more about doing what is right and good for yourself and your hubby. You stop overextending and truly learn to be happy.
I wish I could be there to take you shopping and to lunch and to encourage you. 40s are great. I wish I had them back. I nearly 50s and oh my gosh that sounds so old, I’m suffering from my own imposed ageism and wondering if I’m even relevant.
As far as kids go, spend time really searching what you want. It’s not too late if you decide to and if you decide not to, do it with no regrets.
God bless you and take care…take a moment to yourself They say cleaning and organizing helps. I don’t believe “they”, lol, so I haven’t tried it. You’ll have to let me know.
Shelley
Hi Karen.
I often read your blog, but never comment. But this post pulled me in. I know exactly how you feel. I will be 37 in a week and 1/2. I had an emotional breakthrough on Monday (tears and all,) and I came through refreshed. Although I realized I am not at my happiest place; it was refreshing to speak it out loud instead of hiding it deep inside. I know I have a lot of work to do to coming full circle, and feeling like me again…but at least now I know (and my husband knows.) I can start working on myself, accepting things, letting go, creating new paths of happiness and rediscovering old ones. Please know you are never alone. I look forward to your new posts.
Oh, dear, Karen, I am so sorry you are going through a bad patch! Turning 40 should not prevent you from having a child. Most of my friends who are professionals had their first at this age, and all was well. Or they adopted and gave a child a loving home. About your office and house, I know the feeling. Although it may not seem important, having the house in order can make other aspects of life seem more orderly too. Do you have someone who comes in to help you clean up? I do, but lately only once a month. Nevertheless, I have to clean up before she comes and somehow, the threat of her coming makes me do it. Too bad Tabs can’t help out in that department 😉 At any rate, I wish you the best, and hope you can celebrate the big 4-0 (a distant memory to me) in style and with grace
I’m 37 and about to hit 38 soon. I’m feeling the same things in my mind. You are definitely not alone. I think the strangest thing is just how time flies and waits for no one. You wake up, work, sleep, take some time for vacay and the next thing you know is that 10 years have gone by and you’re aging but in your head you juuuussst turned 28. It’s that free spirit, but I realize that it’s always going to be there – whether you become a mother or the world’s best Aunt (I hold that title in my family). My husband and I are going to try for kids this year and we’ll see how the stars align. There are no words to truly comfort how you’re feeling. You just have to give yourself time to come to terms with it and accept yourself and your experiences. You’ve got legion of fellow beauty addicts who share your spirit and deeply appreciate and respect your opinion on all things beauty (and much more – ie – your snazzy sense of humor – love it!!) 🙂 Be well mon amie.
Hi Karen:
Sorry to hear about this obstacle on your path. I really enjoy your blog and it is the first email I open in my inbox. Love the pictures of Tabs; he brings a smile to my face. Sending happy, positive thoughts your way. Get better soon!
Warmest wishes,
Katherine
Oh honey you arent’t going through this alone! I had a melt down when I turned 40 as well!! You aren’t too old to have children I have friends who have had kids at 42 and 48 so there is still time! Turning 40 isn’t the end of the world it just seems like it now but it does get better I promise and if you aren’t getting everything done you want to don’t beat yourself up over it tomorrow is another day! Just take your time to get through this and most of all love yourself!! Big hugs hon!!!
I hope you find peace.
I’ve been reading your blog for a year and have never posted. Your brilliant writing makes me laugh every day. Thank you for sharing your talents with all of your fans. I’m 46 and my friend of the same age had an easy pregnancy & healthy baby just two years ago. “Don’t have a child until you want one so bad you can’t stand it,” was the excellent advice I received long ago.
That’s how you know 🙂
Karen, I am so sorry that you are going through all of this. I think that you are awesome and have offered so much to us readers and commenters on the blog.
I can’t say that I understand exactly what you are going through because we are around 13 years apart (I am 27), but I do understand feeling like things are out of order in life. I may not have kids myself because of many personal reasons, and as far as my career goes, I am not where I want to be at all yet.
Thinking of you, and hang in there! I know it’s not easy. Healing and finding that “ok” place again takes time. I’m here if you need to talk 🙂
~Katherine M.
Hi Karen,
I can’t add much more to what has already been said but you are not alone. I’m turning 45 this year, don’t have kids as my long term sweetie has been there and done that but today was Take Your Child to Work day. This beautiful 7 year old girl just about broke my heart with regret for not having children. So I say go for it – if you are half the mother to your child as you are to Tabs your child will be so lucky ! I hope you can feel the warmth you give to us blog readers reflected right back to you.
Hi Karen,
I turn 40 in December. (Rabbit babies unite!) I’m sure as the day approaches I will be freaking out too. As I should be. I think it’s good to take stock of your life once in a while and see if you’re on the right path. The process is difficult but I think once you’re pass the turmoil part, you’ll be happy to know you are on the right path.
As for the babies. I went through your current situation for most of my 30’s. We tried for years to have our little one. I will admit that I gave up hope. Most of the time, I waffled between trying to be at peace with never having children and thinking I ought to be happy I could do all sorts of things because I don’t have kids. But deep down I was grieving the loss of a dream. Talk about riding an emotional roller coaster.
Even when we finally conceived I was sure I was crazy, with a capitol C. I must have googled false pregnancy a dozen times.
What I’m trying to say is that sometimes what happens in our life isn’t always what we want it to be. But it doesn’t mean the life we have isn’t a beautiful life, and that what comes up next is predetermined. So have a good cry or two, or more, then pick yourself up and make a beautiful face of the day with this fugly eyeshadow pallet. 😉
I wish you peace,
Alice
ps. have you tried trader joe’s cookie butter cookies. It’s love in a box…the deep enduring kind.
I hope you can get everything sorted out and move past this soon. I’m so sorry you’re going through a rough time. =[ Best wishes to you!
Hi Karen! First, this totally blew me away. I so admire you and your strength to share something so personal. It’s hard to talk about these things, I know, we went through fertility treatments and it was a very heartbreaking experience. After they failed I didn’t want to talk to anyone about my feelings of failure, like why can’t I just make a baby like everyone else? Even now just writing that makes me tear up.. I told myself that I would get fit or organized or this or that and I haven’t done any of that. I am still struggling with the baby thing and the fact that it hinders everything else in my life adds to the disappointment…
Stay positive girl *hugs*
Karen, I’m here for you if you ever need someone to talk to. Sending hugs and lots of positive thoughts your way. I hope that everything works out how you want it to in the end.
Gurlplease!!!!!! I coulda swore you were 30! Not kidding, you don’t look your age. Great genes, a young fun spirit, and love will keep you young! Also wine is a preservative!
Congrats on your 40th birthday! You have lived a lot, done a lot, achieved so much and deserve it all! Just remember, 40 is only a number and……you don’t stop dancing because you grow old….you grow old when you stop dancing!
Hi Karen, I just want to let you know that we your readers will always be here to support you. Sometimes life turns out very differently from what we envision, and yet it brings us to places we can never imagine. So hang in there, treat yourself well, and remember you always have us!
Xoxo,
Jen C
Karen, thank you for sharing your heart. I’m thinking of you & I hope you get the support you need. I hope that you know that you are a complete person the way you are. I know societal messages/ beliefs/ values can be that a woman ‘isn’t complete’ without children, but that simply isn’t true. Everyone lives their life differently, there are a million paths to happiness. Big hugs <3
Didn’t you hear that the 40’s are the new 30’s? 🙂 At least I would like to believe that myself since I’m quickly approaching 40’s and I completely understand how you feel. Sending hugs and best wishes! I hope everything will work out for you just the way you want it to!!!
*Hugs you*
You’re all the kinds of awesome, Karen. If you wanna increase your adventuring party to three (or more!), then I say go for it, whatever the route may be to get there! Just remember to check the ‘adventuring party wanted’ board at the tavern regularly, and always have a rogue 😉
Also remember: Adventure doesn’t care about the number of years you’ve been dungeoneering, just the brave and questing spirit I know you have in spades 🙂
Thinking of you and hope you get through this! I know you will! Thank you for being a bright spot in my life. You make a difference each and every day! Hugs. 🙂
I just want to reach through the screen and give you the biggest hug ever!! You are so amazing, strong and brave. Inspirational too. You’ve touched so many of us through your blog and have inspired me personally in makeup and blogging. There’s so much that you’ve accomplished that people couldn’t even dream of. And it all probably happened when it was supposed to. I feel like things have a way of working themselves out even when it seems to us there’s no method to the madness. I have no doubt you’ll make a wonderful mother soon! No matter what option you choose. It will happen in due time, Karen. I have faith in you and faith in your strength. I’m praying for you to feel as amazing as you are again!
(((Hugs))) when I turned 40 it was really tough. I so understand. It gets better – I promise. Wishing you peace, comfort, and strength.
Karen, As someone older than you who struggled with the same issues I want to give you some sage advice. If you want a child, it is not too late… my mother had me when she was 40–the old fashioned way–LONG BEFORE the incredible technology that we now have.
Secondly, we all wish we were more organized. My suggestion is take a few days off the grid and do what you want/need to do. While we will all miss your posts and updates on Tabs, we will understand–we are YOUR PEOPLE and only want the best for you.
Lastly, don’t be so hard on yourself. You are really great at what you do. You are funny, smart kind and on point. I live for your posts and I am a jaded NYer.
Take your time.
We will be here for you. XOXO
Anne Marie
Oh, honey, I totally understand! I’ll be turning 40 in January and it’s just so…. well, everything you just said and everything you couldn’t say. Except, besides the no baby thing, I’m also divorced. And my nephew chose this exact year to turn 20 and become a father. Ugh. I was not ready to become a great aunt.
Anyway, I appreciate you sharing how you’re feeling. Now I don’t feel quite so alone and crazy. You know, it’s not even actually turning 40 that bothers me. It’s the fact that my life is half over and not one thing I had planned for myself has worked out. This is so not what was supposed to happen. So, you just post away, short or long, random or not- I’m listening and I get what you’re saying. (((All the hugs)))
Just sending hugs and more hugs.
Hi Karen,
Sorry you are feeling so sad. Like everyone says it’s never too late. When I was growing up, I really thought that I would be married with kids by the time I was 27. I’m almost 43 now and neither of things have happened. I’ve always been a career oriented person which is probably one of the reasons I never got married. I do have a great boyfriend now but I’m still really not into getting married. I feel like I’m too old and set in my ways to get married and I’m fine with that. When I was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes my mom had warned me that getting pregnant would be really hard on my body and that I shouldn’t get pregnant. I have 3 wonderful nieces and 1 nephew who I see all the time and a dozen godchildren so I don’t feel like I’m missing out on not having kids. Although, every so often I find myself wondering if I’m missing something but that feeling always goes away when a certain cat jumps on me and rubs her head on me.
Regarding organization, I try and try to organize my office and room but I just can’t do it. Everytime I organize it I can’t find anything and a mess ensues. I really believe that I’m just one of those people who just thrive on messiness. The more organized things are the less efficient I seem to be. Perhaps it’s the way my brain is. So organization is totally over-rated 🙂
Just remember…life is full of adventure and you never know what the future will bring you…
As I was reading this my son was saying how special it is that my age is him + 40 🙂
Hi Karen,
I follow your blog daily, I don’t comment much, but appreciate what you do. I rode that same emotional roller coaster 4 years ago and sometimes I feel like I’m still on it. I got married later in life and for many reasons my husband and I decided not to have children. That issue aside, I think turning 40 is hard because it seems to be an age where we have enough living behind us to question if we’ve made the right choices and yet we still have so much life left to live and plan for. I would’nt be so hard on yourself. Keep being the wonderful woman you are and follow your heart!
Hugs,
Susan
Hi Karen,
First time commenter here. I just wanted to send some love and prayers your way. From reading all the comments, it sounds like you are not alone in your desires for life and things not turning out as planned. It was so courageous of you to put your desire for children and the other funk you are in out there. Also, I wanted to tell you reading your blog has helped me get through my own journey of things not going as planned. I started reading and getting into beauty after my first miscarraige as a way to zone out. Reading your blog and others provided an escape from all the sadness when I needed it. Your smart writing, wit and stories about tabs brighten my day. I hope you start to feel better soon. Whether we like it or not, the things we endure help shape us as people and you never know how strong you are until you have to be. I just wish I could reach across the computer and give you a big hug. Take care.
Hi Karen,
The 40’s are an amazing time for women. I am 46 now, I really feel like I came into my own as I entered this decade. As for having a baby, I had my son at 42. I got pregnant naturally. It is not too late, so don’t even take that mindset on.
I say welcome to the 40’s, it is going to amazing, Karen. You wait and see. Sending much love to you.
Hi Karen
Let me tell you something, age is just the number. I can not believe I’m pushing almost 50 ( I turned 48 in March).My Gosh I’m eight years older than you and I don’t think of myself old but truly I have my bad days when nothing seems right. You are not alone.
On the other hand you are a fantastic girl, PRETTY, ATTRACTIVE FILIPINO LADY !!! with sense of humor and you have a big heart for animals. I always read your blog, on daily basis and I love it !!
Addicted to it 🙂
You are just having a bad day as we all do sometimes. Tomorrow will be not perfect but a better one for sure.
I wish I could give you a warm hug right now.
Sending kisses and hugs from Toronto to you
Love
Beatrice
I guess I am the oldest on here–almost 59! But I babysit my 2 yr. old grandson almost every day and I still have the energy for it. A friend of mine had a 22 yr old daughter and found out at age 40 she was pregnant, and of course flipped out because she found out when she was in the hospital having bloodwork for a hysterectomy. She did fine and is a busy grandma now. When I turned 40 I thought that my best years were behind me, but as it turns out, I still feel like I did back then, as far as makeup and going out etc. So I think you will be a good mom at this time if you decide it’s time. You might have to get some younger cousin to take your kid on those huge roller coasters though. I don’t think I went on one again after age 40!
I’m sorry to hear that you’re feeling so down about turning 40. Time can sure fly by whether you want it to or not. I was 36 and married 15 years when our son was born. I’m glad I waited.
If having a baby is truly your heart’s desire then go for it. I promise you that being a mother will be the hardest and most gut-wrenching, yet rewarding and important thing you’ve ever done.
It’s only too late if you think it is.
XOXOXOXO
Oh sweetie, I am sending you happy vibes with the strength needed to get organized. 🙂 I’ve read the saying “life is messy” but it fails to mention that the mess can make you crazy! 40 isn’t too late to have a baby! I gave birth to my youngest when I was 37 & I’ll be 51 next month! What kept me from panicking was reading all the pros to being an older parent! There are tons! Cuddle with Tabs & your hubby. I hope you feel better soon. Thank you for your blog, it’s nice getting to know you & I love you.
I’m not good with words or advice and so many others have already said what I would say. Just know that I love this blog and what you write and you, just the way you are. If it’s any consolation, my entire house is a disorganized mess, not just an office or a room or two.
Take the time you need to figure things out. We’ll still be here to read what you have to say about makeup and food and shoes and kitties and anything else.
Hugs to you. And Nora, my black ball of fur, says “purrrrrrrr” to you.
Hello Karen. I see that you have a lot of replies, I almost feel guilty for adding to them, but I wouldn’t feel right letting the opportunity to encourage you go by. I know how you feel about turning 40. I just turned 40 April 10th. Personally, I donn’t mind the number because if I must say so myself, I look pretty young; most people think I’m 30 or late 20’s. But the thing that bothered me about turning 40 is, not having the success and material things I thought I would have by now. I am happily married with 3 gorgeous sons; ages 17, 14, and 7. For that I am proud. I am also proud of the woman, wife and mother I am. I just feel like I don’t really have any great achievements. My husband and I were in college when we got married; my 3rd year and I got pregnant right away. I was a struggling freelance fashion stylist for 16 years. Now I am taking business classes to help my sons run their own business. I will serve as Art Director. I am also writing a life and style book and am waiting to meet with this other writer about the comedy film I wrote. See, everything still in the process, and I am already 40. That bothers me. But I have to look at it like, I have achievements in the making and I sacrificed my career for my kids. Because honestly, what held me up was wanting to make sure I was there for them as they needed me. I am very involved in every aspect of their lives. I didn’t have a support system other than my husband and mom. So I say to you, look at your achievements thus far and be proud of that. You hold a special place in this world whether you have children or not. You are loved, you are strong, you are important and you are STILL young! Sending you love from Los Angeles!
Feel all the feels, cry all the tears and say all the words you need to…but make sure to say them to your husband, too. There are so many things that go through my head that I hesitate to share with anyone, including my husband, but I know I feel so much better when I do. The hard part is letting go of regrets. Stop berating yourself, stop making yourself feel like you’ve waited too long. And call an organization expert to help you with the small stuff. That’s the last thing you need to stress yourself out about. You have a milestone coming up and it’s an amazing milestone to reach! Treat yourself to something special, challenge yourself to do something on your bucket list, create a safe space to nurture yourself through this period of time. Celebrate your achievements, recognize your strengths and appreciate yourself. Whatever you would say to your best friend, look in the mirror and say to yourself! I know it’s all so cliche but there are cliches for a reason. In the meantime, we’re all here supporting, celebrating and appreciating you. Take the time you need for yourself, we’ll still be here 🙂
This post hurts my heart. Your posts usually are so cheerful and uplifting and funny and your blog is such an inspirational and beautiful place to visit, it makes me sad to see that you are in such a bad place right now. On the other hand, it’s beautiful to see that you feel so deep and that you are willing and brave enough to talk about it this openly. That takes some guts!
Also, I think it’s astonishing that you managed to sneak a few jokes in this otherwise very serious post. You rock so much!
I wish there was something I could do for you. Just know that you are not alone, and as far as motherhood goes.. I think a big part of that is teaching and guiding children. We might not be that young anymore (I’m in my twenties), but you have a whole community that awaits your advice and takes your thoughts and views very seriously. You make a big difference in this world. I hope you feel better soon.
Love from the Netherlands x
Hey,you’ll get through it. I’m really bad with words so I’m not gonna try. But my life has been in disarray for some time and I know how much it sucks but it always gets better, Ok?
My thoughts are with you.
Love,
I am sorry you are having a rough time right now, I truly hope everything works out for you in the best way possible. I wish you all the best in the world, I truly do.
Karen dear, thank you for sharing this with us.
I think you are just going through a bit of a rough patch with the turning 40 thing, maybe hormones, etc.
One thing I can tell you from being older and having lived life longer is that having children is a huge, life changing decision. If you really don’t want kids, don’t have them and don’t let anyone pressure you into having them. It sounds like you have a wonderful marriage, and obviously you and your husband would both have to agree on what you want to do.
Maybe you need to take a little break from this and come back with a different perspective.
We will understand! Good luck and be well.
let me just say you do not look your age!
i hope you feel better soon.
xoxo
My mom had me when she was 40! I have kept her young all these years, everyone thinks she’s in her 50’s now (she is late 60’s). Life doesn’t end at 40 girl!
Karen, I’m sure everything I can think to say has already been said, so know that you are in my prayers. Life is never really what we expect or even want at certain times, but everything is a lesson that helps shape who we are, making us stronger and wiser in the long run. I truly believe everything happens for a reason, and just because you are turning 40 does not mean your story is over yet. Hang in there, the best is yet to come.
*hugs* Self-care can be a hard thing to do. As hard as this time may be, it’s probably good that you’re taking the time to work this out. Making numero uno a priority seems counter intuitive sometimes, but taking care of yourself and your needs are the main way to keep you at your best. You are a wonderful person, and I am sure that we, your faithful fandom, will be here for you. I wish you all the best, Darling.
Tl;dr: Love, love, and more love to you. <3
Karen, forgive me if I’m repeating an earlier comment. Here are
Some Things I Know for Sure:
1. You are never ready for kids. No one is ever ready for kids. If you are waiting until you feel ready, stop. Having children changes your life in ways that make you look back and laugh at what you thought you knew and how you thought it would be, no matter who you are, your age, your situation, whatever. If you are sure you want children, you shouldn’t wait for someday – it will never be ideal and it will always be okay.
2. It’s okay to be childless. If that’s the right thing for you and your family, you don’t have to explain or apologize and you aren’t less of a woman.
3. Getting weepy around babies happens to all of us. I have two kids, ages 11 and 12, and I get weepy around babies. it has a lot more to do with your endocrine system than your brain.
Since I am a stranger and will never see you at Trader Joe’s, I’m going to say the things your friends won’t because they love you and don’t want to hurt your feelings.
You seem to be waiting until you feel like a grown-up before you get on with your life. Here’s a zinger: nobody feels like a grown-up. We are ALL just waiting for someone to notice that we really ought to be at the kids’ table. Grandmas and astronauts and CEOs feel that way.
Also, as a fellow child of strict, controlling parents, I can tell you that you can’t keep waiting for instructions, even though you’re afraid that your choices will be wrong and disastrous because after all you’re a clueless kid who can’t be trusted off the leash. Make your choices and own them. Put on your big girl panties and be the woman, the wife, and maybe the mother you want to be. No one can do it for you.
Karen – I’m sorry you’re having a rough time right now. But you’re not alone. One of the things that I have always appreciated about your blog is that you’re not afraid to share some personal details. My experience has been that my 40’s have been much better than my 30’s. I’ve found my stride. I’m more comfortable in my own skin. I don’t care as much about what other people think about me. I’ll be 47 in July so I’ve got a good chunk of this decade under my belt.
As far as starting a family – whether you get pregnant, adopt, use a surrogate or another option. All are good ways to start a family! I know it’s a big change to think about and can be overwhelming. Take a deep breath & take it one day at a time. Whatever decision you & El Hubs make will be the right choice for you. You’ve got a lot of support both IRL as well as in the digital world! Sending you hugs & a pink cashmere blanket to wrap up in as you contemplate what your next step is.
As for organizing and cleaning – it will be there when you are ready to tackle it. Do you have someone that is great with organizing that could give you a hand? Or could come over to chat & be a cheerleader while you work through it? Or maybe hire a maid to get back to a level playing field with house cleaning? One of the hardest lessons I’m still learning is that it’s okay to ask for help. Hang in there! You’ve got a lot of people coming along side you – a shared burden is easier to carry.
Wishing you peace and strength –
Kristi
Hey Karen,
I follow your blog daily, I don’t comment but I love what you do.
Thank you for being so brave and open and sharing with us. I think you are a strong and beautiful woman and every once in a while all strong women need to be supported. You are not alone, we may be far away (I live in Nairobi) but in spirit we are all with you. I am experiencing the same emotional roller coaster you are. I got married later in life and although I want to have children, its not proving forthcoming. I think why you are having a hard time is that you are questioning whether the choices you made were actually the right ones. As they say hindsight is 20/20. You made the decisions you felt were correct at the time. Please don’t blame yourself and be down on yourself. I think the fact that you opened up is a good sign and that you are ready to make a change.
To encourage you I will share a story of my colleague: She was 42 and had given up on having a baby (the docs had told her that it wouldn’t be possible). But when she moved to another department, she got pregnant almost immediately. So take it as encouragement that it is not too late :).
Remember you are a lovely positive beautiful woman that we all look up to. Take some time to take care of yourself and reenergize. We will all be here waiting for you when you’re ready to get back.
I have been reading your blog for quite some time now, and I always admired your creativity, your positive thinking and enthusiasm for the small things in life!
Reading your post today made me really emotional, because it was like I was reading a post about me and the things that affect me the most! I just turned 40, my husband and I are trying to have a baby, and I am also a crazy cat lady and amateur gardener! So, I can totally relate to your feelings…
All I can say is that life is beautiful and it doesn’t end at 40!
I hope you get better soon!
Sending you a big hug
Oh sweet gal, so many women feel the exact same way you do about having children, don’t feel like a fool. You weren’t sure if you wanted to change your life in such a permanent and drastic way, so you waited. You didn’t push yourself and your hubs into it just because your birthing moon was in town! That’s nothing to feel foolish about. Waiting to make sure its right is ALWAYS A GOOD IDEA. You’re young, in great shape, and have the best positivity vibes of anyone I know in blog-land. If you could somehow stop putting so much pressure on having children and get back to who you are (someone who holds her own with drag queens, lets be real!) and just let what happens happen, you never know what might be in store. Try to go forward like there could be all kinds of adventures awaiting you (because there are!) and maybe life will surprise you in a very good way. So sorry you’re feeling so blue and beating yourself up. “Stop looking back. You’re not going that way.” – saw that recently and felt moved by it. You can’t change the past, but you can change today and tomorrow and every day after that. Take some time to treat yourself to what you need to feel better and be sure to have Selt N’ Peppa on rotation. PS: 40?????? Karen Monterichard. You should look in the mirror at your gorgeous face and thank the universe for giving you such a gift! I thought you were in your late 20s!!!!!!! :O
Bookmarking this post to go through the comments when feeling down. You, ladies, are a fantastic bunch.
As for you Karen, you bring joy to the world every day. There are lots of ways for you to be a parent, so no regrets, girl.
*hug*
I bookmarked this post too!
Karen–thank you so much for everything–for all the blog posts, your photos, for being yourself, your writing voice, your passion, and tons more I’m sure I forgot to mention. I read a TON of blogs but yours is the only one I subscribe to and keep subscribing to. I didn’t even realize why until I skimmed comments in this post. It’s bc you’re you. Your blog is the only one I know of that is professional but remains completely interpersonal and real.
You already have TONS of unsolicited advice from commentators. I’m only going to offer one more on the off-chance you read this. About holding things in–I do that too. Writing really helps me. I hold nothing back from my diary bc it won’t get offended or confused if I ramble on about things I only understand. I can totally trust it. And I’m also my own best advisor–especially when I read week-old entries and suddenly the solution comes to me.
Dear Karen
I’ve been following your blog for a long time now but haven’t been that active in commenting. I just want to give you an e-hug 🙂 and to let you know that it’ll all be okay. It has to be okay. Life is like that. I realize that whatever I say may not be helpful coz sometimes all you want is someone to just listen to and not give solutions. So thank you for pouring your heart out, just look at all the comments you have received! So many of us care about you even though we don’t know half of the stuff that you are battling with deep within yourself.
But it’s okay. Life isn’t meant to be perfect babes. But I can tell you one thing for sure! I know many people who have had kids when they were 40! So don’t worry about that. Now smile and have a good relaxing weekend.
Oh and btw – we all have a to-do list which is pages long and nothing accomplished from that list but accomplished from another invisible list that God created for us 😀
Just wanted to leave a brief word saying that yes, I read your thougths and I wanted to send you a big hug.
We all go through ups and downs, some more pronunciated than others. The important thing is how we come out after them 😉
Dear Karen, I send you the biggest and most caring hugs from the other side of the pond.
I hope this is only a transitory situation. You deserve the best for bringing us so many moments of laugh with your posts.
With love,
María José
Aw Karen, hun 🙁 I’m sorry you’ve been feeling a bit down. I think it’s normal that when you’re about to hit 40 you start reevaluating things. The same thing will probably happen to me when I’m about to hit 30. I don’t think you should feel unhappy with where you are in life now though. There’s no playbook for life. No scenario that says that you need to achieve thing X by point Y in life. It’s never too late do make changes or do new things! And if it helps, you look DAMN fine at 30-something!!! 🙂 *lotsa virtual hugs from across the big pond*
Oh hon, my heart goes out to you. You’re such a special human being, and I know you’ll come through this much, much stronger.
Thank you for posting this; I’m sure it wasn’t easy, and if it helps somebody out there not feeling alone, that’s amazing.
Please take a vacation? It sound it sound like you could really, really use one to recharge.
Hi Karen,
I am a longtime reader but I rarely post. Your honest letter brought tears to my eyes. I am almost 42 and going through a divorce. I really feel your pain with the kids part and not knowing what the future holds. Just know that a lot of people cAre about you and are keeping you in your thoughts and prayers. I am not super religious but I am spiritual and I do believe there is some sort of being in the universe raking care of us. Please take this time for yourself. That is what I have been doing. I have had a lot to reflect about and, while some of it is uncomfortable, have found reflection is helpful. Take care, Karen xoxox
Hi Karen,
I read your blog all the time but never comment. Reading your post yesterday made me tear up. You are a wonderful person and just from reading your posts it seems like you have such a zest for life! I would have never believed you would be turning 40 in June, you look much younger! I read this yesterday and thought you might like it too. The post is from 4/23/15 Hope When Mother’s Day is Hard: http://lysaterkeurst.com/
Take care and maybe taking some time off for a vacation would be good to help you recharge. 🙂
Karen, I got a little teary reading your post. My husband and I didn’t get married until shortly before I was 40, and while we tried for babies for a couple of years, due to some unknown (at the time) health issues, I wasn’t able to have babies myself. He had two sons from a previous marriage, and while I am blessed to have them in my life, I’m not “mom” (although I love them dearly and am raising one of them)to them, and it is brought to my attention fairly regularly. Several of my husband’s friends are now having babies later in life (he’s 41, I’m 46–almost 47) and I’m having a tough time seeing all the new babies. On a happier note for you, one of his friends and his wife just had their first baby and she’s 40, almost 41 and never thought she would be able to have children of her own. So, just wanted to say that I feel for you and am sending hugs and prayers for you!
Karen,
There’s so many other comments here that I doubt you’ll even get to mine, but I just wanted to say that I know how you feel about waiting too long to have kids. I’m turning 35 in June, and my husband and I have been trying for the past 2 years with no success. I’ve been seeing a fertility specialist for about 10 months now, and they haven’t been able to help either (we have ‘unexplained infertility’). Somewhat different from you, I always saw myself having kids some day. But I didn’t meet the love of my life until I was 27 and we got married when I was 33. We’ll keep trying, but I can’t help but feel that I waited too long to try.
You’re right that it’s a super emotional thing to talk about, let alone think about. I cry a lot about it and my husband feels very helpless most of the time. We’ll all get through it somehow in the end though, I’m sure. It won’t be an easy road, but it sounds like you have an awesome husband to support you, and I do as well. **Sending hugs your way!**
Big, huge, mega hugs to you! You are an amazing woman, and whichever path you choose to motherhood (or no motherhood), you’ll always have our support and love. XOXO
Karen,
I’m so glad you posted this. I was wondering why you seemed absent on the interwebs.
My heart aches for you and your baby pain. I don’t know what to say to you about that other than I will pray for you.
As far as turning 40, that’s a huge milestone but it has seriously been the best decade of my life (I’m halfway through it now). I know what’s important and I’m pretty good, most of the time, at letting the rest slough away. And it gives me an excuse to buy really expensive bread or chocolate. That’s what I tell my husband. “We’re in our 40’s, we’re too old to be eating cheap bread.”
I, too, internalize almost everything. It has to be like a horrible day of epic proportions before I tell my husband things. And so, I know you’re getting a lot of unsolicited advice here, but I just have to suggest that if you aren’t already, to try a few minutes of yoga. You don’t even have to go to a class. There are a lot of videos online that are really good—even 10 minutes can help a lot. Let me know if I can send you some links to my favorite online teachers. Yoga is especially good for people like us who spend a lot of time in their heads. Tabs might enjoy it too, I know Senor Rabanne does.
Sending hugs from the East Coast,
Jennifer
Hello sweet Jennifer (and Sir Paco Rabbane),
Oh, you make me laugh (“We’re too old to be eating cheap bread.”). There’s so much truth to that. If I’m going to have to burn it off it better be damn tasty. Nobody’s got time for bullsh*t bread after 39.
I would absolutely love those yoga links!
Karen,
First of all ((((Karen)))))! Thanks for opening up here, and as is clearly evident from the avalanche of comments, your readers are with you 100%! we have all been there in some form or another, life is a journey, a bumpy ride, no one Rx fits all. Know that you are beautiful inside and out, very much loved and will be vital in the new decade of your life as much, probably more than you ever have! With important change there is catharsis and this entire thing, whatever the outcome, is a life milestone that will be one of many to come. Wisdom, appreciation and gratitude and a lot of other things come in our 40 decade, from one who is almost at the end of mine. We find out who our true friends are and resort priorities. this is a time when you can shake free of all the stuff(literal and otherwise) that is not and has never REALLy mattered, and you’ll be free and so much more able to face the next challenge or opportunity that comes your way! Think of it as a life exfoliation- getting rid of the dead skin and exchanging for glowing radiance.
I am sure your mom, who you have written about before, and others in your life who matter, will be a source of support. You are clearly cherished by all who know you.
Just a story about my own mom. She is amazing lady who started having kids at 19, dropped out of college to raise us, but always had a dream to become a teacher. She had me at 40 and went back to school shortly thereafter, taking me with her when she earned an undergrad, Masters and teacher credential. When I was in the fourth grade she finally got her dream realized- she became a teacher! all this with a crazy jealous husband who didn’t want her to leave the house- she had to sneak off, buy a car, teach herself how to drive and use me as her “chaperone” when she went to classes!
my mom’s example has always represented to me that it doesn’t matter much what order things happen in, as long as we continue chasing our dreams and doing what matters most to us, no one can judge us and decide when. Each path is different. No better, no worse.
As for me, I stayed home(19 years ago quit the corporate world) to raise two great kids and finally am returning to school for my own credential. Never too late to go for a new dream.
Many good wishes for your journey. Know that your readers are in your corner!
Hi Lorraine,
I’m getting teary reading all of the comments…I’m so thankful and happy to have you in my corner. Thank you for sharing more of your life with me and for all the good wishes. You are an inspiration, and you’re so right — it’s never too late to chase a new dream.
Happy Friday to you. 🙂
Karen, I feel for you! Turning 40 was hard for me, too, for some reason much harder than turning 50. I think I felt like it was a halfway point and that I had done very little of what I wanted to do in life, felt discouraged, like, I’ll never accomplish what I want to, if I couldn’t do it while young, energetic, and healthy, how is it going to happen now?
Well, 18 years later I have accomplished at least one of those things while battling several potentially fatal illnesses and raising my special needs child (on my own) who is now a special needs 24 year old adult who I’m still hoping will eventually grow up and become independent, since I can’t be here forever. And my bedroom/office/hobby space is still a mess. But I am happier. Life has mellowed me out a bit, taught me the value of being happy with what I have.
Having a child can totally take over your life, there’s nothing wrong with waiting until you’re really ready for it! As so many have said, it’s very possible to start a family in your 40s, if that’s what you want to do. I just remember that feeling, like my life was half over and I hadn’t accomplished enough yet. It’s OK, there
Hello Fran,
It’s really helped to hear other people’s stories. Thank you for sharing yours and letting me get to know you a little more. And thank you for the words of encouragement. 🙂 I’m feeling a little better today. One step at a time, right?
I’m glad you’re feeling a little bit better today 🙂
Sometimes all we can do is get up in the morning and put one foot in front of the other, trying to do the right thing. And remembering to have a bit of fun and not to be too hard on ourselves. I’m always worried about the stuff I should be doing that I don’t have the energy to face just yet. I wonder if that’s pretty much life as we know it for most of us in the early twenty-first century, but we all feel like we’ve got to go around acting like we’ve got it all together, isolated in our little bubbles of worry even as we talk to each other!
oops!
… there’s really lots more time to accomplish what you want to do!
I hope this doesn’t all sound too patronizing, I expect I’ll go through this process again when I turn 60 in a little over a year.
Hoping you’re feeling a bit better today.
Karen, I wish I was there to give you a hug. I’m in my 50’s and I’m happier than I’ve ever been. The 40’s are a great time of life. You are still youthful (clearly, from your photos) and will have the benefit of a little more wisdom than you had in your 20’s and 30’s. It will be great, oromise!
Thank you, Lisa. 🙂
First thing first: congratulations for been so open and true! I’m sure you are getting a lot of that back to you. Because what meaning has a word that is not true?
I’m sending you very good stuff (such as light healing and deeksha) if you alow me to.
I don’t know if anyone told you that but you are helping a lot of people who has been through something like that or even to learn from you and try to creat a new reality.
I’m sure you are passing by what I call a healing crises and you will became the best version of youserlf after that. And maybe the biggest difference is how happy you are…. Who knows…
I’m from Brazil, so maybe my english is lame. Sorry.
Love!
It’s not about what society wants. It’s what YOU and your partner want. Out of respect for both sides of the fence–those who have kids and those who decide not to have kids — there’s a lot more to that decision than dealing with a toddler meltdown. There are many, many other positive and fulfilling factors that make life with or without kids rewarding. That said, it sounds like you truly want a baby. We live in a country with some of the best medical and prenatal care, especially for those 40+. By all means, follow your heart.
Thank you so much for sharing, Karen *virtual hugs* It’s nice to know there’s real life behind the makeup façade 😉
Karen,
Sorry, I’m late to comment on this one. I feel in many ways exactly the same. I’m 36 and I know that gives me a bit more time. First off let me encourage you.
My mother had my little brother at 43 and my Gma had my uncle at 45 back in the 60’s! My aunt had my cousin at 42! There is still time. Your risks may have gone up a little but you are healthy. If it’s what you want, go for it. Get off the pill or whatever you are using and start trying. Don’t worry about it being forced either, you are a bit more randy around ovulation anyway so it makes it easy to try without feel like you’re trying.
Second, let me sympathize. Between age, distance, and kids, I don’t really have friends in real life anymore. My daily companions are my husband and my pets and I don’t really like to put all my thoughts on them either. There is nowhere for them to go but in. I don’t have any secret that can help you deal. I can’t even say this is a common problem. If you come up with a solution I’m all ears.
Thinking about kids is super emotional for me too. I STILL don’t know if I want them. My logical brain says I don’t need to be defined by breeding. My parents were not great, piss poor might even not be too far. For the longest time I was afraid. Afraid I’d be just like them, abusive, selfish, or even worse that my family history of substance abuse would finally rear it’s ugly head. I also raised my brothers and sister while they were off going through their problems. Those things combined led me to believe I didn’t want kids.
Then 30 hits me like a sack of bricks and I’m in Target crying, clutching a Pooh Bear hat for infants. Weeping in Tarjay… classy, Erin, real classy. Gettin’ teared up just thinking about it.
That’s when I realized that I’d been letting myself be defined my experiences and fears. That’s when I became open to the possibility or allowing myself to even entertain the idea.
Unfortunately, my health and financial situations haven’t been prime for getting pregnant but I’m getting close to my shit or get off the pot years. Hopefully, I won’t miss my window.
Erin, I can empathize completely with your fears re: possibly repeating abusive family history. I felt the same way. Then my pregnancy at age 34 was a big surprise, I was not married, the father wanted me to terminate. I went ahead on my own, believing I would never be able to forgive myself if I terminated (again — I had done so once as a teen) and the medical problems began during the pregnancy with bleeding, bedrest in the hospital, and (very) premature birth; my son and I each have medical charts several inches thick 25 years later! With parenting, I had to think through every. single. thing. I could not do anything on autopilot or by instinct, for fear of repeating the abusive cycle. And there were lots of challenges with learning problems, ADHHHHHD, etc. But, in spite of all the difficulties, my son is a good person who I enjoy living with (in our tiny one-bedroom apartment). Somehow, even when one thing after another goes horribly wrong, life can still turn out to be good. If life doesn’t force your decision, I would vote for waiting until you feel more confident; but, really, people who repeat the cycle of abuse are usually those who are in denial about it, not those of us who are deeply concerned about it. But I understand about not feeling able to trust yourself. Wishing you the best.
Hi Karen,
Thank you for being brave and sharing a very important part of yourself with the rest of us. As cliche as this sounds, age is just a number. Its perfectly understandable that you have those feelings. I think we have those thoughts no matter how old we are and what stage of our lives were going through. Stopping to acknowlege those feelings means you have taken the time to look at yourself and what makes you happy. The desire to have children is very powerful once it has taken over your every thought. I can empathise, merely hearing that someone else is expecting was like a dagger to my heart. But in the end I had to realise that there are some things you have absolutely no control over, no matter how much you try. I believe there is a purpose to everything and at times you just have to let this one up to the higher power. Great things awaits you in the future, but not knowing is what makes it all very special! Lots of hugs!
I just saw this post. Thank you for sharing your feelings with us. I am sending you a big tight hug and lots of love from SoCal. Age is just a number, bella! You are always going to be the same amazing girl who has so much love and happiness within her! Hey, and it’s OK to wait to be a parent until you are fully ready for it. Parenting is such a giving process and can take over everything(*thinking of you, Mom*), and so it makes perfect sense to wait. My BFF just had a baby at 41, and she’s happy! It’s very possible, and very OK to start a family at this point-you have the right frame of mind, and you’ll make such a lovely Mommy :).
I will also be 40 sometime soon-there’s so much more to do, so much more to enjoy! Life has just started ;). I wish you all the happiness and joy in life! Meow mrroww and Xoxo. <3
Hey Karen,
Your blogs always remind me to stay positive and be mindful of my mood. You share a lot with others even if you don’t always realize it and I wanted to leave you a note to let you know you really are cared about. No matter how hard things get emotionally you will always have people around you wishing you nothing but positivity so you can have the strength to get through it. Here’s sending you lots of hugs and emotional support. You can get through this, and anything else that comes your way. You’re a rockstar no matter how old you get.
It’s never too late for anyone to be a parent. If you really really want it, it will happen soon. Very emotional post. You reminded me when I lost a child 5 and 1/2 years ago. I was very upset. I had bad pregnacy. Thank god we tried again with my husband and everything turned out well the second time. We now have a lovely daughter 4 and a half years old. I hope everything turns out well with you.
Hi Karen, another long-time reader, first time commenter here. I’m turning 42 this summer and I can completely relate to your feelings! I still can’t wrap my mind around the *number* I am… It doesn’t make sense! Some days I still feel 25… other days, well, I may as well be 105 😀
Although 40 is definitely a milestone for a woman in a lot of ways and unfortunately there are some, ahem, unwelcome changes that appear (where *did* all that gray hair suddenly come from?!?), it is still ONLY a number; you are still wonderful you! I encourage you to focus on the positive aspects of achieving this milestone (such as your important friendships, marriage, work success, Tabs!, good health etc.)
I had my daughter at 37 and I have lots of friends having babies in their 40’s. It’s not too late!! And, as others have said, there are a lot of different ways to become a mum 🙂
Your blog brings a lot of joy each day to so many people – I look forward to it every day – I’m thrilled to see so many people giving back to you now and offering words of wisdom and support; reading the comments has been quite uplifting.
All the best to you,
Jennifer in Canada
I’m a bit late here and you’ve gotten so many amazing comments, but I just wanted to send in hugs and support. I teared up reading this because I’m so sorry you’re hurting and going through a difficult time right now. I can relate to what you said about holding things in. I do the exact same thing and sometimes it feels pretty lonely, but at the same time it can be scary to open up and talk about all those things that are in your head. If it’s something you think will help, I hope you’re able to find someone to talk to – either a friend or a professional.
I’m turning 38 this year and I still don’t feel like I have my act together. There’s unpacked boxes from our move a year ago and sometimes I’ll leave dishes in the sink for a couple of days. Our 10-year old couches are covered in blankets to trap the cat hair and my house looks nothing like Pinterest. 🙂 I’m trying to let go of the pressure to be perfect in certain areas. Please be kind to yourself. I know it’s easier said than done because I get really hard on myself too.
If I lived closer, I would have you over for cupcakes and one of those fancy cocktails with 12 kinds of rum that my husband likes to make. 🙂 Seriously though, you’ve got a friend if you ever need to chat. Sending hugs and kitty purrs your way. Take care!
Hi Karen,
I am a long time visitor of your website but I don’t think I have ever commented on anything. I usually come here for beauty advice, but since this post is very personal, if you don’t mind, I will give you my personal advice.
I have a life and career too and my husband and I decided to have a child. My little girl arrived last year and it has been a great experience so far. Seeing her growing from my belly to walking has been amazing.
That said we also waited to have her. I always knew I wanted to be a mom but we had lots of things to sort out first with our in-laws who were unwell. Could I have pushed harder to be a mom sooner? Probably but I wasn’t ready and neither was the husband. And now for the advice: don’t kick yourself for not having kids sooner, probably it wasn’t the right time fore you. Now the time has come and you need to embrace the adventure that this could be. Don’t be your own bully, people change their mind all the time. This is not the ’50s you have lots of options and you should use them all if necessary.
And yes venting is always great, from the number of comments you have, it looks like you have lots of friend who will listen, including me 🙂
Ciao
Serena
Dearest Karen,
Thank you for keeping it real. Stay in the light, practice gratitude every single day and sit back and watch what happens to your life. My favorite prayer is “thank you, thank you, thank you.” Start expecting miracles (big and small) and I promise you they will come.
You are the most beautiful soon to be 40 year old ever.
xoxo,
Holly
P.S. I had my 2nd baby at 40 🙂
So respect your candor and honesty. While I obviously don’t know you, I feel like we are very similar.
Believe me when I tell you that it is NOT too late for you to have a baby. I am an acupuncturist, herbalist and nutritionist and I help women concieve all the time who are in their late 30’s. There is so much that you can do before you even need to go down the IVF road.
My grandmother had her first child, my mother, at age 43 after she was told that she couldn’t have children.
The things I most often see getting in the way of women conceiving is lack of sleep and lack of calories. (Not lack of nutrition. Most women who come to see me eat very healthfully but they don’t eat enough which directly shuts down fertility).
I left my website if you ever want to contact me for a consult.
All the best to you. You will be a great mom.
Hi Karen. I read your blog regularly but have yet to comment. The number of posts here speaks volumes about your ability to touch and connect with people. As someone else said there are many different types of love. You and your blog have given alot to others. Take time for yourself. Give yourself a break and treat yourself as you would your best friend: non demanding, loving and tender. Look after yourself.
I’m late to the game, but I just wanted to send out my live. I actually can’t believe you’re almost 40 looks wise. I know what you’re feeling is not weird, but it’s just something people don’t talk about – I love your openness, it makes you relatable.
My sister in law always worries about this (she’s older than my brother, who is 2 years older than me), especially since my husband and I aren’t having children. My parents put no pressure on us to have them, but I know some people’s parents get really on them about grandchildren, and hope yours are not this way.
Anyway, bunny kisses and kitty belly rubs from over in Michigan. Marmie ran across the street to meet me for belly rubs this evening. It’s nice to be appreciated, even if it’s by a cat.
Girlfriend…I’m going to be 44 this year, in June, by the way…forty-frickin’-four!!! I can’t even believe I’m 43, but I’m here to tell you that you will be just fine. Take the time you need to reflect on your life and most of all be grateful. I find myself being so grateful for the small things more and more each day. Things could be much worse, but they’re not, and I have to be thankful for that.
I think we have similar home issues, so I totally get you there. I’ve started little by little to declutter when I can. But, yes, when you’ve worked all day, the last thing you want to do is work on home projects.
Regarding children, I can’t really relate, except to say that I’m kind of on the opposite side of the spectrum. My husband and I are child-free by choice, but I still feel like there’s a stigma attached and that it’s a decision not well received or understood. People think I look younger than I am, so I get comments like, “Well, when you do have children,” while I’m thinking, “No, my eggs are pretty old.” It’s uncomfortable to say I don’t want children and that’s something I have to work on getting over and be able to say more confidently.
In any case, I know quite a few people who have had children at 40 and later. My sister is 42 and just had twins. My OBGYN had her children at 39 and 40 and said life didn’t begin until they were born, so I say go for it if it’s something you really want.
Thanks so much for sharing, Karen. I think there’s lots of us who have been where you are, but we’ve made it through pretty well or even better. Take care of yourself and I look forward to future posts.
Girl, you’re fabulous. Please don’t feel badly about the choices you’ve made. We can only do what feels right in the here and now. I had my first baby at 39 and I could not have done it – emotionally – any other way. 40 is ABSOLUTELY not too late if a baby is what you want! Kids/no kids are slightly different paths in life but neither one is better or a more whole existence.
Karen, I want you to know that I’ve read this and that I hear you. It’s completely natural to ponder the big issues at the turning of each decade, and 40 is a milestone (I am 46!!!!).
I know you’ve wanted a baby for a while, and I want to encourage you not to lose faith. I was very lucky to have my two boys at 39 and 41, and my best friend had hers after fertility treatment at 40 and (gulp!!) 44. She just never gave up, I like you chose to travel, work etc before having kids.
So by all means take your time off, but don’t get too down on yourself. In any case, you’re going to be one of the hottest 40 year olds I’ve ever seen!!!!
Karen, I am sorry to hear about what you are going through. Although our ages may be different by a few years I can relate to how you are feeling about everything. You are an amazing person and I think you touch and reach more people on a daily basis than you realize. We are all here for you if you ever need anything !!
I lost my mom 16 months ago and I feel like I don’t know if I coming or going some days. I have started to pick up the pieces from the past year, but still feel lost some days without her. My husband and I have been together for a lot of years, but are still undecided about babies. Just cant seen to take the plunge. We probably think too much for own good lol :).
I’ve never commented before but your blog is so well-written, creative with amazing photography and such a natural writing style! I’m turning 57 in June and I think women today (even older ones like me) all have much higher expectations of what we must accomplish by each milestone age (having it all?) If you’ve ever seen old TV late at night, like the Honeymooners, did you ever notice that Alice had no kids, no job, no living room, and a fat loudmouth husband? Life is much better for women today but we have so many choices it’s hard to decide what’s best. Don’t listen to anyone else, however well-meaning, about whether you want to try for a family except perhaps your husband or your doctor. As one earlier commenter said so well, there are so many ways to have a family.
As to overwhelming clutter – you’re a makeup and beauty blogger! Keeping all this stuff organized must be difficult and your posts are amazing… detailed with great color explanations too. And your pictures of yourself show that you’re gorgeous and hardly look even 30. I’ve had 3 failed marriages (not counting 2 failed engagements), raised 2 kids alone who are both in their 30s, finished college in my late 40s, and just passed the CT Bar last year but I’m still working as only a paralegal with very precarious finances thanks to massive student loans. I HATE getting older but one thing it’s taught me is it’s all part of life, maybe all that was meant so that my son and daughter could get here. I’m sure your story has many twists and turns to come and you are so talented please consider staying in writing, photography and beauty at least part-time!
Hi Karen, I don’t comment as often as I should, but I LOVE your blog and I just wanted to say that your honesty here really struck a chord with me. Sometimes it’s just one struggle after another. Take some time to be kind to yourself. Thank you for being awesome.
Karen, Just sending you hugs, it is never too late to follow your heart. dont be discouraged. Do what feels right and go get it!
Your healthy, seems like you love your job, and you look fab. so don’t worry about turning 40. Also, I know plenty of people who had kids in their forties. Just don’t be that lady who has twins when she’s 65, and already has 13 children!
My username here is Chris25, which means that I’ve been reading your blog for 5 years.
In those 5 years, I have never come across another blogger as unique, funny, warm-hearted, generous in spirit and lively as you are. The reasons MBB is one of my favorite blogs is because you treat all of us like your close friends. I’ve never seen another blogger extend her love and friendship to her readers the way you have. I think that’s why this blog feels like a slumber party or a girls night out event. It doesn’t feel like anyone here is unwelcome or a stranger.
I think we all do what we can in life to make the world a better place. Bloggers offer a slice of their life so that others may be inspired by it or seek comfort in knowing that others have their triumphs and obstacles, and this makes them human. You don’t just give us a slice: you give us the whole cake. We really need the shoulder you offer us to lean on when our days are rough.
Thank you for the sugar overload. <3
Aw Karen, I just want to hug you and sit down and have some tea together. My dear, it is okay that you feel this way. It’s easy to look at the past and think certain decisions should’ve been made or to look at friends and see the differences and think why didn’t I do that. You’ve touched so many people and you are well loved… not because of what you have done or haven’t done, but because of who you are. Sending you love and prayers.
Catching up on emails and just got to reading your post… we share the same name and seems like the same emotions. I UNDERSTAND YOU 100% … thanks for sharing and positive thinking!! Though I do understand it seems like there are 2 times a year where I really get down on myself and its hard to shake off the emotions, also its healthy to just let it all out every once in awhile. We def. can get thru this funk and we have to be thankful for what we do have in life now.
Sending hugs and big birthday wishes! I’m turning 40 soon as well and am going through a lot of what you are talking about. I say go for it, it’s not too late. Make an appt and see what your options are! As for your birthday, what about a spa getaway? That’s what I’m wishing for for my 40 🙂
I’m so sorry for the hard time you’re having. 40 is a very tough age for many people and you are absolutely not alone in that. If it helps at all, my little sister had many of the same thoughts you are having as she approached 40 (she was never sure if she wanted kids either). It took her a while to get pregnant but she eventually did and she has a beautiful, healthy, happy daughter. Many women are successfully having children later in life so don’t give up. You’re a wonderful person and would be a fabulous mother. But, if for whatever reason, that doesn’t happen, you will still be a fabulous pet-mom, wife, sister, daughter and friend. You have a ton of love and kindness and positive energy to share – and I think you do a tremendous job of doing just that. 🙂
Karen! From a long time subscriber and sometimes comment-er:
Don’t be so hard on yourself! At the end of the day, find out what is truly important to you and go for it. If that is a family — Jump in! If that is having more cat-babies — Do it! If that is decorating your place — Do it! But stop beating yourself up about the little stuff in life. Applaud and appreciate what you have. So what if your office is a cluttered mess? You’re living your life! Congrats on accomplishing as much as you have and having what seems like a great support system & family around you. You know you, so do what you (and Hubs!) feels is right.
Linnea
I can’t give you any recommendation, because I’m in the exact same time of my life, with same doubts and fears. I could have written this post word by word… if I would be as good writer as you (I’m not, definetely). I only can send you a big hug hoping we’ll find our way soon.
Hi Karen,
It takes a lot of courage to open up about what you are feeling. I hope you find your answers, but don’t be afraid to seize the day…I really like your blog and you are very genuine.
Wishing you clarity and happiness,
Julia from Montreal, Canada
Thank you for your kindness and for that important reminder, Julia. Sending you a big hug. 🙂
Karen, when I turned 40 I embraced it. I’d tell people I was 40 and they were always like “really? No way”. In fact I’m now 47 and still don’t feel old. I did a few rounds of IVF and stopped just before I hit 40 coz I realised that I could live a meaningful, happy life without putting myself through the stress if trying to conceive. But my sis in law had her first at 42 and second at 44 no problems. Take heart, love yourself, your hub, your Tabs, and talk it out. See a doctor. Find out where you stand. You’ll feel better for it I’m sure.
By the way I love your blog. I read nearly every post, even ones about non cruelty free brands like MAC and Chanel, just coz I love your style and you feel like a friend. And I like that you are a mature woman, it feels more real for me than taking advice from a 20-something.