At 5:45 in the afternoon, as I was making bunny ears with Connor’s shoelaces to get her out the door in time for dance class, my beautiful, spunky, red-haired granny took her last breath and left this earth.
It made me think of one of the biggest lessons I learned about grief when Tabby died all those years ago; it’s so very odd — and frankly quite cruel — that life demands you buckle up and keep going, even when massive seismic shifts happen and you’re hurting so very much.
I’d like to think that granny would’ve liked that Connor was on her way to the dance studio to do something active, since my granny, up until the last few years, was always out and about.
When she was younger, she loved walking and especially loved riding her bike, and when I was really small, sometimes she’d pop me into her bike basket and take me for a ride around the neighborhood. I remember being so little and cruising around the block with her and laughing so hard, the wind tousling my hair. I thought it was the funniest thing in the whole world.
Most of my memories of her are from when I was very young, and now they’re faded into snapshots, but in every one, I can always see her smiling at me. I can hear her voice telling me how much she loves me.
With her passing, now there is one less person on this earth who knew me as a child. One less person who loves me.
I am no longer a granddaughter.
As I sit in my house and look out my window at the blue sky and clouds and the bright green leaves on the oak tree rustling outside, I’m reminded once more what a joy it is to be young, alive and to have my autonomy. To be able to wake up in a place that’s all my own. To be so very loved by my daughter and my husband.
Note to self — there’s absolutely no time or room in life for nonsense. Run towards those people who love you, full speed, and hold tight.
Your friendly neighborhood beauty addict,
Karen
Hugs- You are always a granddaughter. Treasure the memories. Such a lovely post and tribute.
I’m sorry for your loss!!! ❤️❤️❤️🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
Thank you, Dominique.
Thanks for saying that, Liz. ❤️
I love this, Karen! I lost my last grandparent (maternal grandmother) a little over a year ago. I’m so glad she got to meet my twin girls (she always loved girls, and had 3 of her own) a number of times. She would also be happy that all of her daughters are close and that my mom gets to spend so much time with my girls, as their grandma. So sorry for your loss but I’m glad you have such fond and wonderful memories of her, and Connor Claire will have memories of her as well!
Thank you, Rachel. Big hug to you.
Sorry for your loss Karen. Big hugs♥ Loss is so personal and hard, but I like the way you worded it. Sometimes its just nice to know that we are not alone. That other people feel and think the same things. Thank you for sharing with us and for being brave enough to put your emotions out there. I agree that the hardest part is that you feel so much sadness & pain…but the rest of the world just keeps on moving.
Thanks, Mandy, for your kind words. And thank you for saying that I’m brave. I needed that!
Hugs! I lost my last grandmother when I was 19 at college. That was 52 years ago. I lost my mom when I was 36, it’s really awful losing your parents and grandparents. Remember the good times.
I will, Linda. ❤️
Sending you love and light during this time, I’m heading to hug my 95 year old grandma tonight!!
I lost my darling kitty of 17 years in January, and I have not gotten over him – RIP Mars and then my brother passed away in April. My Mom & Dad are also gone – you never know what life will bring and you need to cherish each day we have. RIP Granny – You have a special granddaughter, and I am sure you are looking over her and her beautiful family!
I’m sorry about the loss of your kitty and your brother. Sending you a hug. ❤️
Sending you my deepest condolences and lots of love to you, Karen. I’m so very sorry for the loss of your beloved Granny. The connection to a grandparent is like no other. My own Granny passed away 20 years ago and she is never far from my thoughts. It will be the same with you and your Granny. The connection and love between the two of you will be with you for the rest of your life. You and your family are in my prayers. May your Granny’s memory always be a blessing.
Thank you, Michele. I’ll happily receive your prayers.
This was beautifully expressed. Love to you and your family ❤️
Thanks, Megan. ❤️
So sorry for your loss. What a sweet post and I hope grieving leaves you soon to be replaced with fun memories.
Thank you, Karen.
You will still be a granddaughter.
I cried loads when my grandma died. I was the oldest child and the first and only one to experience her and grandpa’s special gifts to me . . . a clipper trip across Lake Michigan, a visit to the Wisconsin Dells, midget car races, her scrumptious cooking, especially sloppy joes, pigeon, rabbit, potato pancakes, and the biggest mind-growing pastime of playing Scrabble. She got me to play, even tho I was only in grade school!
Yep, grandmas are truly something special; cherish the memories.
I will. A flood of them have been coming back to me in snapshots, and when they do, I get all weepy.
You’ll always be a granddaughter ❤️❤️❤️
❤️❤️❤️
I’m so sorry. She sounds amazing.
Thank you! She was fiery and fun. I wish I spent more time with her at the end.
I am so sorry for your loss Karen , you are in my prayers.
Thank you, Lily. I’ll take those prayers. ❤️
So very sorry for your loss❤️❤️. You will always be a granddaughter.
So very sorry for your loss Karen! Thoughts and prayers to you and your family! 🙏🏻
Karen, Your blog post and the way you live your life are wonderful tributes to your grandmother. Thinking of you and your family during this difficult time.
Hi Karen, I am so sorry to hear about your grandma. I lost my grandma 3 years ago. She was the only grandparent I’d had since I was 5 years old and I was very close to her so I understand your pain. Just remember how much she loved you and always cherish those memories of her. I know I do. I picture my grandma up there looking down with her cosmo telling us, “it’s happy hour!” like she always did 😄 I’m thinking of you and sending hugs your way. Please take care 💞
Karen, I’m so sorry to hear about your Granny. My dad passed away in 1995 and then my mom in 2022. We never had much contact with either side of the family. As an only child I felt like a total orphan after my mom passed, but after some time I realize they will always be my parents and I’ll always be their daughter. You will always be Granny’s granddaughter.
Love and Light to you and your family.
I am so sorry for your loss. She will always be your granny, and you will always be her granddaughter. Nothing will change the hole that her absence leaves in your life. Somehow you will go on, and the grief will lessen. And if someone does not understand your pain and loss, then surround yourself with the people who do understand. Take care of yourself and your family, and know that you will heal in your own time, when you are ready. Until then, know she will watch over you, and marvel and take pride in the things you do all your life.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Sending prayers for you and yours.
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my grandmothers when I was 17 & 32. They were both very special to me. I will always be their granddaughter like you will always be Granny’s
So sorry to hear about the passing of your Grandmother Karen. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Heartfelt condolences on the loss of your granny. Thing is, she is still your granny and you are still her granddaughter – she’s just not on the earthly plane. She will continue to see you and love you, I promise. One of these days, she will check in to reassure you of that. They always know how to drop by such that you recognize their presence.
I am very sorry for your pain. Sending comforting thoughts to you.
So very sorry for your loss – what an amazing woman! A blessing to have had her in your life for so long <3
Karen: so sorry for your loss. Hold on to those memories and cherish them. She will always be with you – you can feel her presence. You are brave to express your saddness and we are here to hold you and support you.
I lost my beloved heart dog just over a week ago and the pain of losing a beloved family member is so heartbreaking that you feel yourself falling apart and there is no stopping the pain. We share your grief as I remember all too well the grief of losing my grandparents more than 20 years ago and the ache remains. Her love will sustain you through the years even though it is difficult to feel that now.
What a beautiful tribute! Deepest sympathies for your loss.
Sending you the biggest virtual hugs, Karen. I’m so sorry to hear about your granny’s passing, and hope you can feel her love reaching you once the initial waves of grief have passed. However it works, I hope you can feel it. You’ll always be her grandchild, I think. That love won’t leave you. xoxo
I’m so sorry for your loss. May your Granny’s memory be eternal. Losing a grandparent is so tough. All of mine are now gone, but their love stays with me, and I often share my memories of them with my own sweet daughter so that she can feel their love too. You will *always* be a granddaughter. xoxo
Dear Karen,
I’m so sorry about your grandmother’s passing. I remember you writing about her love for lipsticks. *hug* You are so loved. You are still her granddaughter. The people who love us never leave us. They remain in our hearts and memories.
Take care, friend. It’s going to be ok.
Sending you a virtual hug. I lost my Grandfather last year. The way you expressed your grief really spoke to me. No one can ever take or taint your memories of you and your Grandmother. Those are immortal.
I am so sorry for your loss. Your granny sounds like she lived a loving life. Sending you lots of love and hugs. You will always be a granddaughter. I hope that you can find time in your full and busy life to take the time you need to grieve. I can only imagine how much your heart is aching right now.
You are such a gifted writer, I hope you can find time to write down the memories you have of your granny. Maybe one here, another one when it comes up some other day. Soon you will have a collection of memories committed to paper.
Dear Karen,
I am so sorry for your loss. I wish you only joy moving forward.
Ilene
Sorry this comment is so late, but I’ve been going through something similar with my mother, who was almost as old as your grandmother. Today she passed away, and I am in shock in spite of the fact she was quite old and in fragile health. They say you’re never really prepared for your mother’s death. I’m already feeling guilt for decisions made about her care, though I know that she almost died more than once in other people’s care during the past two years. I know feelings of guilt go with most deaths. I have even second-guessed my decisions about my dog’s care, for his death that happened 24 years ago (hard to believe it was that long ago). I am bereft.
I’m so sorry for your loss, CL. Sending you lots of love and care.
Thank you so much.