Hi, friend! Hello from the land of the (somewhat) sane. It’s amazing how chopping off all the excess weight from your hair can make you feel like a totally different person. I feel considerably less crazy now that I don’t have five extra pounds of mane on me!
I saw someone new this time, a stylist in my town named Heather. She has her own salon-slash-beauty-studio in downtown Novato called Sheer Beauty. If you’re ever in northern Marin and want your hair done by someone down to earth and easy to talk to, give her a shout!
I told Heather I needed some length and weight removed, and that I am, deep down in my core, a person who loves having long hair. I swear, every single time I get my hair cut anywhere above my shoulders, it always feels too short, and I immediately regret it. I also mentioned how my hair doesn’t like razor cuts, and how I’m very self conscious of the recession on my temples.
She suggested going conservative first with some long layers, and then if I felt like I could go shorter, we could adjust and take off more of the length. She then cut in some long bangs that would frame my face and would help to cover up the recession a bit.
While she cut my hair, we had a long, thoughtful conversation on naturally gray hair. I told her that I currently have mixed feelings about mine. Some days, I love it, but other days, not so much.
I definitely have those moments when I look in the mirror, and I feel like the grays make my face look stark and harsh, like a mean piano teacher. On those days, I don’t feel like what’s on the outside matches how I feel on the inside.
She mentioned almost all the women in her chair who have naturally gray hair have the same mixed feelings, and how it’s perfectly normal to love them and hate them at the same time.
Funny thing is, it never occurred to me other women would feel the same way. When you see people celebrating gray hair online, it’s almost always so joyful and spirited. An ebullient rebellion against impossible beauty standards raging against the machine, one gray strand at a time.
Sure, I have those days when I feel great about it, too, but there are also days when I get sick of people calling me “ma’am” and I. JUST. CANNOT. DEAL.
Anyway, it was insightful to hear that others felt similarly.
Heather advised keeping my hair as it is (“Don’t do it!”), and said the grays looked like perfectly placed highlights, but if I ever wanted to do a demi-permanent color, she’d help me out — but only if I twisted her arm. LOL!
We’ll see. For now, I’ll keep it.
Building those happiness muscles, day six
Since we’re on the subject of hair, for today’s happiness exercise, the two things I’m grateful for are hair related: 1) flat hair clips (so great for taming wild baby hairs), and 2) scrunchies.
What’s on your list?
Your friendly neighborhood beauty addict,
Karen
Your new haircut looks beautiful! It is the best feeling to have a good trim. I am right there with you regarding grey hairs. I’m 57 and get some highlights in my crown area every 6 months to help blend them a bit. My hair is also receding by my temples too, so layers are a lifesaver.
Thanks, Michele!
Ya know, I didn’t realize how self-conscious I was about the recession until recently. When I mentioned this to Heather she said to remember to take your multi-vitamins! I’m going to go back to taking prenatals, I think.
You look beautiful Karen, greetings from Las Vegas.
Thanks, Lily! Have a great rest of your day.
You have a lovely heart-shaped face!
Thanks, Sarah! Happy Thursday. 🙂
Thank you so much for sharing this conversation you had with your stylist. I feel similarly about my grays and it’s so nice to hear other women talk about their relationship with it. I totally understand what you mean by feeling like your outside doesn’t match the inside sometimes! Now I feel a little bit more sane and normal. I’m trying really hard to embrace the silver but I live in a area with a lot of fancy moms and sometimes feel out of place with all the beautiful dyed blondes around me. I try to look like how I feel on the inside through makeup and styling and my clothing choices, etc. ❤️
You’re welcome, Jaclyn. Sending you a big hug!
Looking good with the new haircut! I haven’t (properly) cut mine since the beginning of the pandemic. It is way too long but am gonna stick with it for a few more.
Btw, something I’m grateful for: free returns and refunds!
Have a good rest of the week..
Thanks, Tisha. Free returns and refunds are so great! I love them, too.
Happy (almost) Friday!
Karen, I love you, but I wish you would put a rinse/toner on your gray hair. This is said with love from someone 15 years older than you. You have so many years ahead of you to embrace your gray. This may not be a popular response, but trust me, you will be older before you know it. Enjoy your youth and dark hair now. xoxo
Thank you for this perspective, Annemarie. I’m seriously thinking about going dark again because I know that if I want to, I can always grow it out!
Hi Karen, thank you for this thoughtful post and lovely picture! The layers look beautiful. Your hair layers really well!
Thanks, Amy!
I totally relate to these feelings on hair and have had recent conversations with friends my age and my mom on the topic. I agree with your stylist about your grays being perfectly placed highlights. You look beautiful!
Thank you, Megan. 🙂
Sorry, but looks unkempt to me.
I think your grey is absolutely stunning against the dark of your hair. I let mine grow out curing COVID thinking I would have similar-looking hair but nope – at 64 I had about 3 grey hairs, actually, they were white. I would love to have the mix that you do, at any age and if I could get my stylist to make it look that good I’d add some more. The cut suits you.
Your hair looks great! Sounds like your stylist is right on your wavelength- something else to be happy about!
When I was little, my uncle (in his 30’s) already had thick gunmetal grey hair that so many people admired. People called him the silver fox. 😉 He was a very active, outdoors kind of guy and far from being aging, the grey hair just seemed to emphasize his striking features. So, I guess I had a good role model because when I started seriously greying in my late twenties, I just went with it and have never regretted it. It seems like every time I’m out and about, I get someone telling me how beautiful my hair is and that makes me feel seen. To know that in my late seventies, there are plenty of people—young and old—who still think I’m attractive, boosts my moral and my ego! LOL I do understand, though, that many women feel they are becoming invisible (old) when their hair starts to grey but that’s primarily because our youth oriented society has conditioned us to equate grey hair with old age. Also, many women simply don’t know how to care for grey hair or how to make the adjustments necessary as more and more hair loses it’s pigment. You don’t become grey overnight. It’s a journey and there will be good phases and bad as your hair transforms in color. Once you’re predominantly grey, though, the shifts in tone are not as dramatic and are more easily accommodated. But, whatever a woman decides to do about her hair, all that matters is that it makes her feel beautiful.
Nothing to add, except I think you are completely right and really cool to boot!
You look fantastic?!! The layers are terrific on you and you look sooooo happy – looks like it has made a load of difference for your day. Not that you are not beautiful every day.
Thank you for sharing about the grey hairs. I am 44 and I have enough and see my sister at 40 rock hers with no concern but I feel like with my darker under eye circles and major laugh lines look so much older than I feel. In some ways I feel like I am my best self right now. I am glad to hear others struggles with this too. I may stop colouring and see what happens … thank you for the feel good reminder that we all gave hang ups with aging.
Gratitude – family, no matter how crazy they make us sometimes they are rude and die for many of us lucky ones, and employment – for many it has been a terrible couple of years plus with fear, job loss, homelessness etc. I am thankful for a job even if not perfect every day.
I’m grateful you’re so open about the gray hair situation. It’s resonating a lot with me because I’m approaching this stage. I am not gray at all yet (38), but I know my day is coming. I am fairly certain I will color at least into my 50s/60s when it happens, and screw the upkeep— I will go monthly if necessary. I feel like I spend so much in skincare in an effort to maintain the appearance of youth (and if I’m honest, vanity is 100% what skincare is about for me, other than spf to protect against cancer). Why waste all that on my skin if I’m going to let my hair go?
You should do whatever makes you happy… and for the record, you’re gorgeous with it without gray hair. But my mom went through this several years ago, and I remember telling her she should keep coloring because the “rest of her” looked so much younger than her hair. I’m not sure if I wanted her to keep coloring so that she still looked like my mom or if this was really an objective opinion- probably a bit of both. She did look better with color back then. Anyway, she is in her 70s now and has stopped coloring, and it was the right time— it actually looks better on her now because it’s consistent with the rest of her body, face, etc.
Anyway, that is just my two cents, but I appreciate your honesty around the hair color topic. You’re always beautiful, and if you decide to color again at some point, I can’t wait to see it!
I have so much hair envy for you, Karen! The cut is super flattering on you , and when I’m ready to stop coloring (which I don’t do for gray hair, even if I do have them; I’m just enjoying coloring my hair because I hadn’t tried it until I turned 41), you will be my inspo. Your hair looks strong, shiny, and healthy. I think your hairstyle and how glowy your skin looks just makes you look elegant in a joyful, casual way. That sounds oxymoronic, but that’s the best way I can explain it!
If you had lived in the south, you’d have gotten the “ma’am” treatment even as a child. I got that when I was 12! I don’t think it has an age connotation in the south. You don’t usually hear “miss” in the south.
About the gray hair – mine became noticeably gray by my late 20s. I went against the tide and let it go gray, except for one poor dye job. In retrospect, I should have colored it, because the average American is rather stupid, and judges your age by the visible gray, rather than if your face is wrinkled. I was treated like I was 70 when I was 38!
I like the color the way it is and the transitioning does seems like it’s been gradual.
My hair is dark blonde/light brown with a lot of red in it. The right temple is about 60% white now and I’m starting to see a bit more white on the other temple and in the back. Tried semi-permanent (never colored before) a few years ago and it did not take at all. I’m not going to do permanent color, so it is what it is. My stylist recommended attempting a green or purple shampoo since there is a warm/cool weird contrast going on.
I’ve been using Better Not Younger’s Superpower Serum, and Vital Proteins Collagen in my coffee in the morning. I’m 48, and my hair seemed a bit thinner. Both have helped- the areas that were looking thin don’t anymore.
You look gorgeous, Karen! I also love your new haircut – it looks so fresh and perfect for the season! I bet it looks amazing when it’s curled, too.
Don’t worry too much about your hair color. You’re beautiful with natural grey highlights and beautiful when your hair is colored. I always change my mind in regards to my hair color and hate my hair but when I look at photos from a few months/years ago I think “Hmm, my hair was perfect there. Why was I so unhappy with those highlights?!” 🤷♀️ Just do what feels right for you at the time and we’ll always be here cheering you on.
Hi Karen, I stopped coloring my hair in 2014 when I was 50. I started going grey in my late 20’s (just like my Dad). You probably know from your hairdresser that since grey hair has lost pigment and therefor is much more porous and wirey that a clear glossing treatment can fill in for that missing pigment and make your silvers easier to maintain. I also use an old lady purple shampoo twice a month to make sure that the white and silver stay that way. I still have a lot of my dark hair mixed in with the white and silver (especially on the back of my head) and the purple shampoo doesn’t mess with my dark brown hair. As for feeling older?
Some days I get Mam’d and some days I have 10 people coming up to me to tell me how gorgeous my hair is.
And I have to admit, I AM older, AND feel like I am exactly where I want to be and that’s all that really matters.
I love the way your hair looks! I’ll turn 48 next month. I stopped coloring my hair in Oct 2018. My hair is a light brown with grays sprinkled throughout. I started dying my hair at 13 and I have to say it feels so freeing to let that go. I feel a level of acceptance for my hair that I was never able to achieve in the past. I feel that my hair is the best it’s ever looked and I love that.
It is SO FREEING being able to let that go, Zinea. With you 100%. I don’t miss feeling like I have to go to the salon every few weeks at all!
Hi Karen!! Your hair looks so cute and bouncy!! Isn’t that a great feeling? I just went through a late menopause at 55. And guess what…I noticed that my hair is getting thinner. Uh oh!! I have a solution though. Back in 2021, I started taking a collagen protein supplement in capsule form, and my hair started feeling thicker, and growing like crazy. I wasn’t even thinking about my hair, when I took the collagen. I was taking the collagen, in hopes of helping the pain and stiffness in my left knee. Well, it took a couple of months for the knee to feel better, but right away, my hair was better, my nails were growing faster than ever, and the skin on my face, was softer than ever. Crazy, right? I’m about to order more collagen shortly, because I want my thicker hair back. LOL!! It’s collagen protein, from a company called Ancient Nutrition. It’s good stuff, and I highly recommend it!! I wish I had thick hair like you Karen…it’s gorgeous!! I have red hair, and I’m just starting to get a couple of grays. I’m not ready to color my hair yet, but who knows what will happen. My younger sister and I are the only women I know, that haven’t colored their hair yet. My sister has long waist length hair, and not one gray hair, and she’s 53. Strange, but true!! Ha Ha!!
A little late to the conversation. But here goes anyway.
You are beautiful! You have a drop dead gorgeous smile! And sparkling, bright eyes! And I love the way you know how to do multiple eye looks. And well, I’m jealous of your glowing skin!
I stopped coloring over my gray about 10-15 years ago. Hard to remember exactly when. For the most part I have loved it all these years. I love the front where it’s grayer and less so near the back of my head where it’s still a mix. But just before I left to go to Dear Daughter’s graduation I looked in the mirror and thought, dang I look really old and haggard. Tried smiling. That didn’t help.
Had an online conversation with Dear Daughter about how old I feel and about my hair and her response was, “You should do what you want with your hair. It’s your hair and it should make you feel happy. Ignore what anyone else says or does.” So I’m trying to find a colorist who can take away the yellowness that appears in parts of my gray (I think it’s in the spots where I still have chestnut brown in the mix) and make my hair an icy blue gray color.
And when I arrived in NY, she had rainbow colored hair for graduation. I love her boldness and audacity and confidence.
I think it’s normal to love ourselves, yet still find dissatisfaction with some parts.