Good morning, beautiful! Happy, happy Saturday. Getting a slow start this morning because this week was A LOT, and I’m officially tapped out. Connor was home with me all week long, so between writing snappy headlines and marketing campaign briefs, I was playing with her.
Her favorite things to do at the moment are drawing on the street with chalk and playing a game she calls “wild children.” How does one play “wild children?” Well, thank you for asking. It involves some combination of running around the grassy area in our circle without shoes, looking for four-leaf clovers, gathering sticks, not falling into a dangerous imaginary river and occasionally pretending to free the neighbor’s parrot from jail. In all these scenarios, I’m always the little sister, who also happens to be a toddler. *shrugs*
Don’t ask me why this requires so much mental and physical energy! Let’s just say you’ve crossed a bridge when you need to drink lots of coffee in order to keep up with a six-year-old child, LOL!
On one hand, I’m so tired, but on the other hand, I’m enjoying this time with her.
I know that soon enough the scenario will be so different, and I’ll be drinking coffee to stay awake while I wait up for her to come home for curfew.
I have a quick question for those of you out there with an only child, or those who were an only child. One thing I’m constantly thinking about is how to help Connor from feeling lonely.
I mean, having a sibling didn’t stop me from feeling lonely while I was growing up; my brother and I are six years apart and didn’t have much in common. Plus, I was wildly jealous of all the leeway my parents gave him because he was the baby and a boy — but that’s another story for another time. Still, my brother and I share the same sense of humor, and we also have the same memories of growing up in our family.
I have absolutely no more plans for another kid, so Connor won’t have that shared experience with anyone. How do I give something like to her? Can I do anything to help avoid feeling lonely?
If you have any advice, I would love to hear it.
Anywho, onto this week’s reading!
- How stolen cultural beauty practices feed viral videos.
- Chanel’s new nail polish collection is all about inclusive nude shades.
- Ingredient to look for and avoid if your hair is wavy.
- Wait, Sun-In (the hair lightener that transformed many a dark mane at my middle school into various shades of brassy orange) is still around?
- The best products to help stimulate hair growth, according to a dermatologist.
- A manifestation magic manicure is a thing.
- Um, just in case you want to revisit the ’90s skinny brow!
Fancy lady stuff!
I’m feeling this vibe.
Go on, Miss Patti!
Seriously. The. Best.
French street style.
By the way, it was really fun chatting with you this week. Have a great rest of your Saturday!
Your friendly neighborhood beauty addict,
Karen
My brother is 8 years older than me. My mom said she walked in one day when he was about 5 and he was crying at the Brady Bunch because he didn’t have brothers or sisters…then he cried when I was born because I was a girl 🤷🏻♀️😂. I’m sure many parents can relate to you on this. But it’s clear that Conner is growing up in a home filled with love and laughter. And that’s the best any kid can hope for!
Thanks for your response about the Nespresso! Adding some half caff to my next order. I’ve had my verturo for about 2 years and haven’t had major problems except the odd blinking light here and there. A quick YouTube search took care of it. But how awesome that they sent you a refurbished machine! That’s good to know.
I think I did something similar when I found out that my sibling was going to be a boy! I really wanted a little sister. LOL.
Thank you for saying that about Connor. My hope is that things like those afternoons spent playing “wild children” will plant some deep, strong, memories in her brain. I just gotta keep chugging that coffee, LOL!
I hope you like the half caff. 🙂 I might go make myself a cup right meow!
Have a great rest of your Saturday.
I’m an only child and I have never in my life been lonely or bored. I think I learned to entertain myself and be totally self sufficient. I had friends I made at school (still do) but I’ve never needed other people to validate me. I’ve always been just as happy alone as I am with other people. (Yes, I rocked the pandemic semi-lockdowns. ) I wouldn’t worry too much about Conner. She has her parents and friends, and Rosie. Every only child I have known has been an over achiever and turned out just fine.
Ha– only here, too, and I can relate to everything you said. Lockdowns didn’t drive me nuts as they did some of my friends, and I was definitely an over-achiever. You’re also right about not needing validation from other people– that is really freeing as an adult.
I agree with Susan. My first thought was to ask if Connor is lonely. I am an only child and never felt lonely. I’m good at entertaining myself, which was an asset during the pandemic and throughout my life. My parents had me later in life, so they have both passed. I’m close to one of my cousins, which gives me a family connection.
My brother is 9 years older than I, and he was like another father to me. Plus he got married when I was 10, leaving me alone again. I don’t remember being lonely, I had a lot of dolls and played with friends. We were the generation to play outside until the street lights came on. Fun!
There’s a difference between being alone and being lonely. Dear Daughter is an only. She used to want a sibling until she was about 6 or 7 and then started hearing about other kids’ siblings and the fighting and the not sharing, etc. I always made sure that she had creative things to occupy her when I was busy with work. I remember once I was rushing to get dinner ready and she came into the kitchen and said she was bored. I didn’t have time to have her “help” me (nor did I want to deal with the help cleanup on that day), so I told her to go into the living room and play. It was awfully quiet, which is usually a sign of trouble. But when Dear Husband got home from work there was an entire farm/rural scenario covering the living room floor. Made up of lincoln logs, construction paper, marker, tape, toy horses and toy farm animals.
It sounds like you and El Hubs spend quality time with her (fishing, spa days, drawing, etc.). She knows she is loved. As hard as it is, just make sure to listen without judgement to all she will share with you. She will make more friends (and lose some too) in elementary school and beyond. Not to mention all the activities that come along with school. It seems the older they get the more options the schools offer.
You will find that as she gets older, some down time and some solitude will be more than welcomed.
You’ve got this!
I’m an only child. My mom had some fertility issues and had me later in life (maybe similar to your situation if I remember right– I was a reader pre-Connor). Anyway, I have two boys now, so I’ve seen that scenario play out (theirs is ideal for the most part– 99% of the time they are best friends). Even having seen the good of a sibling from my boys, I still think there are pros and cons to both situations.
I had no siblings, and I lived out in the country without kids in a neighborhood, so I was REALLY alone. I got pretty close to my parents, my mom especially, and my grandparents and two great aunts that lived on the same street. Where we went to church, there were no kids, so I learned early on how to interact well with adults and how to entertain myself. I don’t think this was a bad thing.
I did have good friends at school, and my parents were great about driving me over to their houses in the summer for all-day playdates sometimes, etc., so I don’t have any social issues. I always had an easy time sharing because I never had to fight for stuff or attention with siblings. I wasn’t and still am not jealous of others. I have always gotten along well with peers, and while there’s the stereotype of the spoiled only child, I don’t think it always ends up that way. I never lacked love, attention, or anything I needed, but I didn’t just get whatever I wanted without working for it, and that is key, I think.
What I loved about being an only child is the extra attention from my parents, relatives, etc. I was also an only grandchild on my mom’s side. I have/had very special relationships with all of them, and I always knew I was very loved. My mom is still my best friend, and while she for sure laid out rules when needed, I’ve always had that friendship with her. I’m not sure I would be quite as close to her if it hadn’t often been just me and her (my dad worked swing shifts, so we were on our own sometimes).
It was easier for my parents to pay school tuition, activities costs, buy me a car, etc… my parents were definitely not rich, and if there had been another child, this wouldn’t have happened, especially the tuition, which was life changing for me, as we lived in a bad school district.
What I miss– I do miss the closeness and shared memories of a sibling. I had/have very close friends, and I have one cousin who functions almost like a big brother for me, but the sibling relationship is not there for me, so that’s a bummer. I also think I will miss having a sibling when it’s time to start caring for my parents. I won’t have a partner, other than my husband, who cares about them as much as I do.
They’re in their 70s, so it’s coming. On the flip side, there will be no arguing with a sibling over how to care for them or making sure we’re doing our share. I’ve seen a lot of fighting amongst siblings, too.
You can’t guarantee a close sibling relationship. We lucked out with our boys– they’re so close, but they’re 10 and 12, so that may change in the teen years…you just can’t control everything. I hope they stay close, but even if you had another child, you don’t know if it would be a happy or a tumultuous relationship.
I’ve been asked about being an only child by friends before, and my encouragement to you would be to let go of the guilt. I had an extremely happy childhood where I was totally loved and never felt in competition with someone else for attention or affection, etc. I grew up pretty well-adjusted, decent socially (a bit shy as a kid, and I’m an introvert, but you would never know that now because I’m not shy at all anymore). There are so many benefits to being an only child, so it’s not really a better/worse situation than having siblings. It’s just different.
It’s not a bad thing to be lonely sometimes and learn how to be on your own. I’m very self-sufficient and always have been, and that has served me very well as an adult. There is some inner strength that comes from that. The only thing I would suggest is to keep going to playdates, and give her time with peers when you can, but don’t stress about it. Getting to spend all that time with her mom is worth so much. She may not have memories with a sibling, but she’ll have memories with you. I can tell you two are close, and that is so special. I absolutely treasure my mom. Connor will be just fine, and you’re doing a fantastic job as her mom, with or without giving her a sibling!
Okay I’m an only child and I’m the parent of an only who is now 19.
I wasn’t lonely growing up because I was always an only child. You don’t miss what you never had.
I had friends and that was plenty.
My son is the same way.
I really wouldn’t lose sleep over it.
She seems happy and well adjusted. If she has some friends and gets invited to do activities— you can’t ask for more than that.
Plus she has a cat.
Thanks, Jennifer. I definitely need someone to remind me not to worry about things too much, so thank you!
I have an only child who’s now a teen. A second was really not an option–but also, my husband and I both have siblings we’re not super close to. We like each other fine, but we’re not all that close. And I even have a twin! People have magical ideas about twins, but we are as varied as all of humanity is, and for many there’s a need to separate and gain independence. For me, it was definitely harder having an only during the younger elementary years, when they need or want a playmate and you’re the only one around, lol! You can’t arrange playdates on the daily. But they learn self-sufficiency, and you develop a special bond. Being a family of three is also less hectic, easier to travel, easier logistics in a lot of ways. They learn early on how to talk to adults and meet adult expectations, which is a great skill. There can be plenty of kid interaction during school and other activities. Having animals really helps, too!
Thank you, A. You’re right about so many things. Thank you for mentioning having animals… I might just turn this place into a zoo, whether Rosie likes it or not. 🙂
I am not an only child (we were four sisters and all close in age), but that didn’t stop me from being lonely sometimes. I think everyone gets lonely once in a while, and it depends on your personality more than on the question whether or ot you have siblings. People that crave other people will find them in school, people that crave solitude will find that even with lots of siblings.
I have two and that makes it easier for me, as I can tell them to go play “wild children” with each other, but I don’t think they’d be lonely otherwise. My daughter spends her afternoons at her friends houses often, while my son prefers being at home with me and listening to audiobooks.
Family is more than siblings (although I am very close with mine and would miss them dearly).
And no, I do not want to revisit the skinny brow, never again!