I *really* didn’t think I would cry this time.
We’ve been doing preschool drop-off for, what, a full year now? A full year! All last year, all summer long, so this morning I thought, “We got this!”
Today was Connor’s first day of school in the Honeybee class (3-4 year olds), so I got her up a little early, and we had a fun breakfast (strawberries and a Trader Joe’s Pop Tart), did some coloring, got ready for school, and then did what I hope will be our annual first-day-of-school picture session in the front yard.
After that, we packed up her stuff and drove to the school. I took her to her new classroom, and at that point, I was still holding it together. I made it all through the “hellos” to her teachers and her classmates.
Then we put her stuff away in her cubby, and I took her to one of the activity stations she was interested in. (Side note: There was Play-Doh, by the way, which is forbidden fruit in our house because it contains gluten, and El Hub has celiac, so whenever Connor sees Play-Doh she’s like OOOOH!)
Once she was settled in, I gave her a hug, told her I’d see her soon, and blew her a kiss as I walked out the door.
It wasn’t until I had closed the door behind me and was walking to my car that I started to feel wobbly inside…
And boy, I let the tears fall. I sat in the car and bawled for a solid five minutes.
Overall…I thought this kind of thing would get easier over time, but I guess it doesn’t. Watching that tender part of your heart go out into the world probably doesn’t get a whole lot easier, and then there’s the reminder that time is passing, and there’s nothing you can do to stop it. She’ll just pull further and further away from me every year…
It’s bittersweet.
Being so intensely needed by another creature is emotionally, physically and mentally taxing, but I wouldn’t change it for anything the world. I’m eternally grateful for having met Tabs, and I thank the universe and the stars for sending me Connor.
She’ll be going to preschool five days a week now. Did I mention that?
Last year it was only two days a week, so I still had a good amount of time with her at home, and I think that’s been the toughest part this time around — knowing that she’ll be out in the world, out with her friends, and I know it’ll be really good for her social development, but still… I keep telling myself that this is how it is. This is normal. One day she’ll be asking to borrow the car keys, and I’ll be watching her drive away without me.
I know that’s still a long ways from now, but I can see it in my mind clear as day, ya know? Pardon me while I go cry again… ? LOL.
Everyone says that being a parent is hard, and I think this is the hardest part — finding the strength to let them go.
Your friendly neighborhood beauty addict,
Karen
It’s good to send our daughters to the world, and it’s frightening at the same time! Mine are graduating this year at the University, but I feel like they are little children some days… It’s a journey into the unknown, my dear!
Yes it is. I try to be strong for her but gah, it’s hard! How old are your daughters?
21 and 25. The elder has Asperger Syndrome, but she is doing really well! I’m so happy with their conquests! You’ll see, they make us so proud!
I hope so and I’m looking forward to seeing her grow up. I just hope that I can be a good mom to her, you know? It’s not like the job comes with a manual. I wish it did… It would make things so much easier!
I have a question for you: what’s the secret? What’s the secret to getting them to that that age so that they’re successful and well-adjusted?
I’m sure you are a good mum! You are funny, intelligent, a good model to your daughter. I think it’s important to live our lives, try to be the best person we can be, and our daughters will see it.
My baby boy is now 18 months old and I’ve been looking at pictures and old videos – and they’re just from last year but it seems like ages ago. It’s hard to let go- your little one grows in leaps and bounds and you really only have them for a fleeting time. I’m trying to enjoy this “sesame street” stage as much as I can, because I know soon I won’t be able to hold him!
It goes by so fast, Cherie. I see ladies with their babies in baby carriers and I get all wistful of that time. It’s fleeting. I still can carry Connor around, thank goodness, but I know it won’t be for much longer.
Awww you’re making me cry! I’m glad she is enjoying pre-school though, some kids get so scared!
Yeah, sometimes she does too. It takes her a while to warm up at the beginning of the day, but after she’s settled in for a bit she comes out of her shell.
I hope you’re having a wonderful Friday so far. It’s still early here on the west coast (a little after 6:30) and it’s looking like it’s going to be a beautiful day. What are you up to this weekend? Doing anything fun?
My boyfriend and I and two other couples are staying at a resort on a lake about 2 hours away. I like to plan things for late August because it makes the summer feel longer!
Oh, that’s smart. We usually have a long summer here in the Bay Area (it goes into September and first couple weeks of October) so I’m going to plan a short trip in September, I think.
I hope that you have fun at the lake and that the bugs don’t bite you, ahhh! Will you be doing any activities on the water?
And now we’re ALL crying! 🙂 I’m sorry if I have contributed to your sadness by always saying how fast they grow up. You have a lot of fabulous years left and, honestly, until the boys were 14, whenever people would ask me what my favorite age was, I’d say “right now!” and mean it! We always did first day of school pics, too. I still make them do it but it’s not the same with the eye rolls. HAHA! Connor is adorable and I’m SO impressed with her sense of matching. Every year will be hard. I don’t know what it’s like where you live but seeing the tiny boys with their giant backpacks get on the school bus for the first time was brutal. And, I’m crying again just remembering. HAHA! So, you’re not alone. Lots of great moments – and also some very tough moments. Virtual hugs to you. I hope Connor will come home, happy as a clam and chattering to you excitedly about her day. <3
Hi Kim,
It’s all so bittersweet, isn’t it? You’re so happy for them to get out into the world and scared for them at the same time.
When yours leave for school I will be crying with you!
It is! And everyone says that you never stop worrying, which I can easily believe. The biggest challenge is to try to help them successfully manage the situation when their feelings are hurt (and resist the urge to rip the offending person’s face off – HAHA!), which I know you’ve already started to experience. It’s hard to teach the high road and how to stand up for yourself at the same time.
Right now my boys are all about friends and girlfriends and driving (and school and sports and video games). You can see what all these things do NOT include. 🙁 Thank you! You’ll probably be able to hear me sobbing from SF when they leave for college. Ugh.
On another note, Happy Friday! HAHA! Have a great weekend. 🙂
Awww, Karen! This is making me tear up. I hear ya girlfriend. My baby is 19 and out of high school and working a full time job. And my oldest is 32! They will always be my babies! It’s so scary when you think of how quick the time goes.
Have a wonderful weekend! It’s going to be a beauty here in Philly. Low 80’s/high 70’s and I am sooooo looking forward to shutting off the air, opening those windows and airing the whole house out!
Everyone says that if you blink you’ll miss it — it goes that fast — and I feel that way about the first three years. When I was in the thick of it the days seemed so long, but now looking back, I wish I could take a time machine and hold her tiny little newborn body, or change a diaper, or give her a bath in her little blue bathtub just one more time. I’m sure I’ll feel that way about the toddler stage too when she grows out of it.
What do your kids do for work? Do they like their jobs?
It sounds like the weather out there is going to be gorgeous! Enjoy your weekend. 🙂
This comment really got to me, Karen! My sweet Zoe is four months yesterday and she’s just barely still doing the little head wobble (rooting reflex) when we put a bottle in her mouth. I’m trying desperately to get video of her before she stops doing it at all.
Everywhere we go, parents of all ages tell me and my husband how fast it goes. I’m really trying to take it to heart and treasure this time. My heart goes out to you. ? (I was crying at lunch reading all this and dang it, I’m crying again now. Lol!!!)
Girl, I feel for you! I have been home for two days since dropping Zack off to Ithaca and I have moments of emptiness and the tears flow, but I also am excited for him. We have texted a few times and he had a bit of a meltdown on Wednesday evening, but all seems good now. He’s been busy with activities. Classes start on Tuesday. Everyone says it gets easier and I believe it will. All they need to know is that you are there for them. We now get to focus on us!
Be strong mama!
I have a couple of girlfriends who’s kids are starting college and they’re all in the same emotional boat. It’s so hard to let them go! You’re lucky that he texts you and talks to you; Connor better hit reply with a quickness when she gets to that stage in life, LOL!
So what are your plans to keep your days busy?
My son is 37. He lives in CA and I live in FL and I still cry every time we say goodbye. Wish I could tell you it’ll get better.
Hi Karen,
I started crying when I read your post. My ‘little one’ is 10 years old and 5’1″ and I can’t believe where the time went. He is becoming more and more independent, but held my hand the other day! I do everything I can to spend as much time with him as possible, we play together, talk. I am sure that, even when he will go to high school, he will still want to spend time with mama.
Enjoy every moment :o)
hugs to you, dear Karen! She will always be your precious baby girl. My kid is starting her senior year of High School- yikes! So I feel I will be on the i’m not crying- you’re crying train before I know it. Never enough kleenex and waterproof mascara formulas for me now! Connor Claire is growing so beautifully. Great job, Mom!
She’s going to love school, she gets to learn stuff and play with friends and play-doh! But I had to drop off my 8th grader and Senior last week and sobbed the whole way home. It’s hard man, all the books tell you how to keep them alive that first year, none of the books prepare you for letting them go. It’s beautiful and terrible.
This is funny and I have to tell you it never stops! When we dropped our oldest child – a boy off at college, I cried all the way home! My husband told me, “Lin – we left him at college not at the state pen!” So my advice to you is get used to it. She’s gorgeous by the way.
I was ? the whole post! From such a sweet breakfast you made for her to dropping her off, you can see the bond you share. It will continue to grow in many different beautiful ways! Good job Mom. Connor seemed to have great confidence walking in to her classroom.
My mom must be experiencing “empty nest” right now. Although I’m in my twenties, I lived at home to save money for an education and a home in my future. My husband (who lives there too – it was not ideal, but necessary financially) left me for a girl in his class (tuition of which I paid for) and now we’re in the early stages of a divorce. Most unexpectedly, a wonderful man wanted to date me and even though I almost said no many times, I decided that I should live and be happy. Now I live with him and only visit my parents and I can see my mom is struggling with it. I do too sometimes. This is life. Just make sure to enjoy now and not to worry about what will happen in the future.
Late to the party as I took a couple days off last week to spend with my three heartbeats. They’re going into Grades 1, 3, and 5. I can’t believe how big they’ve gotten, especially my 10-year old son. Seeing these flashback pictures of Connor Claire makes ME tear up, so I can imagine how you’d feel!!
Hi Angela,
Yeah, I’ve been a big ball of emotions lately. I may or may not be tearing up right now, LOL!
Everyone says that the third kid is the easiest; is that true?
Hope you’re having a lovely Monday!
My wee one (baby girl with two older brothers) is also my mini-me so everything she does is extra emotional. Over the course of the last month, she’s lost four teeth (two in one day, just this past Friday!). She looks so grown up. So um….no. I’m just as emotional with all three, but happy stuff. I’m excited for each of them but when I look back at their baby/younger pictures, it is impossible not to get misty! Happy Monday to you too, doll!!
I know. Especially when you pics or video of them when they’re teeny-tiny. I loved Connor’s little fists of fury and her spaghetti arms and legs! I still remember when Tabs was bigger than she was.
You know what I wish did? I wish I took more video! I didn’t get nearly enough, especially when she was a newborn. I was out of my mind and wasn’t thinking straight.
My youngest is the same age as Connor Claire and I can´t believe that he is growing up so fast. I mean, surely it was going to be slower the second time around?