The time: last week.
The place: a local salon (but not my usual one).
I made a last-minute appointment, walked in, plopped down into the chair and asked the stylist to go to town. It was the most hair I’ve had cut in five years.
I’d actually been ruminating on doing something like this for a while, and I think that Tabs passing pushed me over the edge. (The whole “saying goodbye and moving into a different stage of life” thing.)
Also, I’d gotten to the point where I reached “mean piano teacher status,” and when you hit that level, it’s time to choppity-chop that hair.
I’ve basically been ignoring my hair for six or seven months. Honestly, I can’t even remember the last time I got a trim. I really couldn’t wear it down anymore because of how unruly it had become, and whenever I did try to “style it,” I’d just slick down the front and pull the rest into a tight ponytail or bun.
In my head, I was going for Vogue chic, but I think it made me look more severe and serious than I think I am…or at least want to be.
I’ll post a pic soon… I want to show you the hair, but I’m not quite there yet in terms of seeing myself in pics. For some reason, it’s my eyes. I still see a sad person staring back at me when I look at pics of myself.
Hard to explain.
I’ll try soon.
Your friendly neighborhood beauty addict,
Karen
I feel the same about myself, in photos, for the last year or so. I totally hear you: it’s the sad eyes. It’s not my cats; it’s other stuff. Sad time, hard changes, etc.
I’m sorry. Sending hugs to hopefully help you through this day.
Thank you, friend. I’ll take those hugs and send you a few in return.
Bless you babe. Plus, it’ll always grow back. And hey, slightly less tears right now . . . it’s a good thing, but still remembering.
Love, hugs
Leigh
❤️
When my mom died I cut my hair shoulder length as it was previously to my waist. I am contemplating/need a trim. My hair is to my butt currently but I hope when I sit in the chair I don’t tell the stylist to cut it to my shoulders as I have in the past, always spur of the moment and always to my hubs’ disappointment though I never go mom hair short. I live in Texas and summer is starting soon and it gets HOT.
I just read your recent posts and I cried. Hard. It reminded me of the day I lost my Bobby(a cat). I picked up a dog(Lizzie, very spur of the moment) a week later and that helped me grieve as I opened my heart to an animal I had never previously given a consideration to and I went six months without a cat, the longest ever. When kitten season came around I got another one but it has never been the same. Sure I like my cats but I don’t love them the way I did Bobby. You have my deepest sympathies as I know how hard it is to lose a furry love.
Thank you, Claudia.
I’m so sorry for the loss of your Bobby. Your bond sounds like it was a special one.
I wonder if I’ll ever have the deep connection I had with Tabs… I can hope that lightning will strike again. Who knows?
Totally understand what you mean about the sad eyes. Been there myself. I hope the new hair helps you feel a little lighter. Sending you lots of hugs and purrs.
Hi Ruchita,
I do feel lighter. My spirit feels a little less heavy… And so does my head. You wouldn’t think walking around with long hair would be so tedious but apparently it is. lol.
How is your foster kitty doing? Any prospects for a forever home yet?
I know what you mean, sometimes just looking in the mirror when going through a tough time will start me bawling all over again.
So true. I’m trying to honor these feelings by moving through them. Some days are definitely easier than others.
It took months before I had some sort of spark back in my eyes after losing Trixie, my beloved cocker spaniel of 16 years. Don’t push yourself too hard to feel or act like your usual daily self as you will go through many emotions during this time. You are probably still in shock trying to find your new normal. Those of us who have lost a furchild understand. Big hugs to you.
Thank you, Cindy. I appreciate that. I’m trying to find my way through the new normal and taking it day by day. Silly as it sounds, I like to think that Tabs would want me to keep trying to do a little something for myself every day, beauty wise (he was a fashion icon, after all). So yesterday I got a pedicure (the first time in ages), and today I’m dealing with the overgrown situation that is my brows. One step at a time.
Hugs back to you. ❤️
I get the hair cut bug every couple of years. It’s getting to be that time. Split ends are driving me nuts! So we’ll see what happens!
Hi Stephanie,
Do you usually research types of haircuts you like before doing the big chop? Or do you just go into the salon and wing it?
I usually like to go in with some pics, otherwise I end up with crazy hair.
I understand! Don’t push yourself. He was a big part of your life for a long time.
My last big spur of the moment thing was a gloss on my hair. It definitely was way redder than I expected (I had to buy new eyebrow products because I looked ridiculous!) and I was pretty happy when it finally faded!
Thank you, Chelsea. I’ve been giving myself the space to “just be,” and taking the time to let grief move through me at its own pace. At the same time I have to admit that I like the distraction of busywork. I’ve been puttering around the house, and doing beauty things that I’ve neglected for the past few weeks (today is an eyebrow trim day). It helps the hours feel less lonely, especially when Connor Claire is in school, and I’m here in the house alone. It’s really weird not touch a cat. Sometimes I’ll take a walk solely for the purpose of finding Harris so I can pet him.
Anywho, regarding the red hair gloss. One of the tricks I learned from hair stylist friends is that if you want to remove color, use dish soap. I’ve heard Dawn is every effective!
Ooh, I can’t wait to see the new hair!! I’m sure you look Vogue-chic!
Hey Pamela,
I can’t decide whether or not it’s Vogue-chic or “mom hair.” LOL. Either way, it was a welcome change.
Hope you’re having a nice day so far. It’s a surprisingly wet and rainy day here in Northern California! Totally weird for this time in the year.
Gosh, I can’t remember? So, it’s probably time, huh?
Sending all of you hugs, kisses and the best kitty memories.
Thank you, Jennifer. Hope you’re having a nice week so far.
I’m sure Harris is really enjoying the extra attention XXXX
He is. Whenever my hubs is working in the garage, he gets in on the Harris action as well, giving him lots of pets and lovies. El Hub told me yesterday that he got a little teary when he was scratching Harris’ chin and whiskers. *sniffs*
The neighborhood cat politics still keeps on keeping on though, and we continue to water the catnip plants in the front yard so the neighborhood kitties can still stop by and enjoy them.
This morning .
I went deep red .
It’s so dark it still looks dark brown .
Everybody loves it .
No makeup changes ; everything blends !
Red as in hair color? FYI, it fades fast, so watch out for those hot showers.
Karen, I can feel your sadness and pain through the words on the page. So many people are with you in this, thinking of you. I hope that offers some small measure of comfort. God bless.
Hi Kimberly,
It does. I feel so supported, and it’s really helped my heart heal. Things get a little easier every day. ❤️
Hey friend,
Your posts about Tabs have been beautiful. It’s been a year and a half since we had to say goodbye to our sweet boy Dudley and there are still days that I cry. I found him and his mom and siblings in a bush outside the mall. I brought them all home and found homes for all but his mommy. We had already decided to keep Dudley. Mommy-cat lived with us for abt 2 years before she passed away but Dudley, aka Spooky Spud, was a part of our family for 14 years. He also had that low hanging belly and was a ball of love. He was with us through so much life, ups and downs, pregnancy, My daughters birth, and the subsequent driving him around in a baby stroller, my husband’s cancer- he slept with his head on Mikes shoulder for about a year- he was family.
I miss him, we all do. Don’t compare your timeline to anyone else’s. Take your time ❤️
Thank you, Shannon. Every day it hurts a little less. I’m trying to push forward some big life changes, which has been a nice distraction… Yet another thing I have to thank Tabs for. He reminded me that life is so precious and there’s absolutely no time to waste.
I miss him something terrible though, and I swear I see him whenever I turn a corner.
Sorry to hear about your sweet Dudley. He sounds like he was one of those one-in-a-million love bugs. ❤️
I was reading the first few lines of this post, saying to myself “OMG, she cut it all off and got bangs and she’s going to freak out in a couple of days!!!!!” Like full-on Edna Mode from The Incredibles.
A friend who is a stylist calls that a ‘grief make-over’. She’s done hundreds of them. People go through a major change in life- death, divorce, the last child moves out- and that’s something they have little control over. So they change what they can control: their hair.
So in a way, it’s good that you got your hair cut, whether or not you like the cut in the end. You’ve moved past that first numbing shock and have taken action. It’s a baby step. And hopefully, you’ll end up as happy with your ‘grief make-over’ as I am with mine, lol. It really is the best hairstyle I’ve ever had.
Hi Suzanne,
Fortunately I had the good sense to *not* do bangs. Every time I get them I’m happy for about two seconds and then the reality sets in and I’m itchy and miserable! And the stylist (who was pretty good) talked me out of going too-too short. THANK GOODNESS I ACTUALLY LISTENED.
I’m hoping that I’ll eventually be as happy with my grief makeover hair as you are. 🙂
Sending you a hug today!
I dont know wht it is about haircuts. The self love. The literal and figurative feeling of lightness. The almost meditative snip snip. When my dad died I did the same thing. I knew things will never be the same. Like one poster said maybe it was that sense of letting go but controlled. Because i know my hair will grow back. As your heart will also heal. So many hugs to you Karen.
I know what you mean – sad eyes stay with you for a long time. Show us the new hair when you are ready.
I understand completely. When you’re ready to show your beautiful face and your new ‘do, we’ll be here. <3 I hope you're happy with the result but, if you're not, it's like you said: it's just hair; it'll grow back! 🙂
Last weekend!! I hadn’t had a haircut in 11 months and when I sat down in the chair I heard myself say “cut 6 inches !” It was so liberating ! Work peeps went bizerk, youngest kid mistook my for my twin and my husband was speechless. Have loved Tabs and your blog for years. Hugs