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My dear friends. Our sweet Tabs left this world on Monday afternoon. It was peaceful and painless, and he was surrounded by so, so much love.
I’m not ready to talk about it yet, but I wanted to let you know what was going on, and to thank you for your support and love.
Thank you for loving him.
Your friendly neighborhood beauty addict,
Karen
Dear Tabby is written by Tabs the Cat, commonly regarded as “the world’s first plus-size kitty supermodel.” Founded in mid 2012, it has quickly become the most widely syndicated cat advice column on earth — known for its fresh, feline perspective on lifestyle, fashion and style issues affecting cats and humans.
DEAR TABBY: While watching Animal Planet on the couch with my assistant last night, I caught a glimpse of what looked like a fluffy tail on the screen of her company-issued iPad.
My assistant, Pam, appearing to notice my sidelong glance, pivoted the screen away from me, at which point I feigned disinterest by intensely grooming my inner thigh (you know how it is).
When Pam got up from the couch to prepare my afternoon snackies, I swiped my paw across the iPad’s screen, entered the code to unlock it and saw what she’d been reading — a dog adoption site for our town’s local shelter.
Quite frankly, Tabby, I was shocked and dismayed. Despite being a shelter kitty myself, I very clearly told Pam when I hired her that I required her undivided attention. I specifically told her that I needed an assistant who could commit to one cat.
This is difficult because Pam has been an exceptional assistant, and I’ve been very happy with our arrangement. When I confronted her about it, she laughed and handed me a treat.
A treat!
Tabby, I’m trying to be reasonable here, but every time I think of Pam considering other employers, I fly into a jealous rage. Am I overreacting?
— Diva in Detroit
DEAR DIVA: I understand your concern. I enforce a similar arrangement with my assistant.
But consider this: has Pam always tended to your needs? Has she gone above and beyond the call of duty? If so, then perhaps she was merely web surfing.
Haven’t you ever looked at things you didn’t intend to bring home? Window shopping? I can’t tell you how many hours I’ve spent browsing the Chanel website, filling my cart with Chanel-branded cat towers and toys, knowing full well that I wouldn’t be making a purchase that day.
I monitor my assistant’s Internet usage and have caught her looking at cat adoption sites several times. When it happens, I climb upon her chest, rev up the purr machine, and show her who’s boss.
Now, I can’t speak for Pam, but you may want to postpone taking any disciplinary action, for now. Refrain from making a knee-jerk decision. Be vigilant, but I would bet a bag of Feline Greenies that you’re going to be just fine.
DEAR TABBY: I am an 8-year-old cat considering a mid-life career change.
I’ve worked security all my life, but now I’m thinking of chasing my dreams of becoming America’s Next Top Kitty Model.
I’m not afraid of crowds and enjoy performing. What do you think? Should I go for it, considering my advanced years?
— Senior Superstar in San Diego
DEAR SENIOR SUPERSTAR: Bravo! I applaud your courage and sense of adventure. I think it’s a great idea. I suggest attending casting calls in your area to test the waters.
While the mature kitty modeling market is a narrow niche, it’s quite possible to have a successful career. If you don’t try, you’ll never know. I wish you luck!
DEAR TABBY: My assistant, George, has absolutely no regard for my privacy. He feels the need to share my every activity with all of our acquaintances and business associates, including the members of his book club and his many Facebook friends.
George even posts pictures of me on his website, and some are rather embarrassing (like when I’m grooming or taking a nap). Sometimes he even tweets!
Whenever I try to talk to him about it, he calls me silly.
I do think that I require more privacy than other cats, but I don’t think it’s right to tell everyone on the planet when I have tummy troubles! What can I do, Tabby? How do I make this stop?
— Private in Petaluma
DEAR PRIVATE: Your assistant may be posting these pictures of you because he’s proud.
I find that’s often the case, but you still have the right to live a life outside the limelight.
To convey this to George, you could try making yourself less available. Hide in closets, boxes and under the bed. I must tell you, though, that hiding can lead to a lonely life. I know many cats who would love to be so adored and revered by their assistants.
DEAR TABBY: When did cat-kind suddenly decide that lion cuts were “stylish”?
I can understand shaving off patches of fur for medical purposes, but to walk around with everything just hanging out like that, except for tiny tufts of fur on your head, your paws and the tip of your tail, seems wrong and ridiculous to me. Please tell the cats of the world to stop shaving their fur!
— Perturbed in Portland
DEAR PERTURBED: I fancy myself a fashion-forward feline, and I can see why you find this upsetting. Lion cuts can look a little questionable on some cats.
However, sometimes it works! Cats blessed with plush, fluffy coats may as well work it, right?
DEAR TABBY: I met a cat recently — a cute enough fellow — but the thing is, I really like his tum. Like, really, REALLY like it for some reason.
It just hangs so perfectly, and the way it swings back and forth when he walks or runs…
Anyway, I love how fluffy it is and the shape and everything.
Ironically, I’ve never actually paid much attention to tums before. Just his. So does this count as a fetish? Am I weird?
— Tum Obsessed in Topeka
DEAR TUM OBSESSED: No, I don’t think you’re weird. Now, if tums were the only thing you ever liked about cats, then you might have a belly fetish, but this just sounds like a crush. I wouldn’t go ordering that gimp costume from Amazon just yet. 🙂
Your friendly neighborhood beauty addicts,
Karen and Tabs
Dear Tabby is written by Tabs the Cat, commonly regarded as “the world’s first plus-size kitty supermodel.” Founded in mid 2012, it has quickly become the most widely syndicated cat advice column on earth — known for its fresh, feline perspective on lifestyle, fashion and style issues affecting cats and humans.
DEAR TABBY: I’ll be staying at a cat hotel for the first time next weekend when my assistants go on vacation, and I’m very excited about it!
I insisted on five-star accommodations, and my humans did not let me down.
They reserved me a personal kitty condo at an exclusive resort with a view overlooking the Pacific Ocean and arranged for all of my meals to be prepared by an award-winning, Michelin star chef.
They even booked daily play sessions through the cat concierge and scheduled me for daily spa treatments.
My question is this: what’s an appropriate tip for a spa technician? Is it the same general rule of 15 percent, and should I leave cash (I don’t usually carry a wallet), or can I have the staff charge my assistants’ credit card? I don’t want to offend anyone.
— Kit-Kat from Kailua
DEAR KIT-KAT: Congratulations on finding such wonderful assistants! It sounds like you’re in for a fun weekend of pampering and purring.
Regarding your question, it’s completely up to you. If you’d prefer to leave the tip on your assistants’ credit card, you may do so. It’s perfectly acceptable. Very few kitties actually carry cash these days, even with all of the wonderful cat bags at our disposal.
Just be sure to review your bill, because sometimes the gratuity has already been included.
Most importantly, enjoy yourself! I hope this is the first of many such getaways.
DEAR TABBY: I’ve been assisting for a demanding persian cat named Peaches for almost 10 years.
Most of the time, Peaches is nice, and when she is, I love my job and the work environment.
But I recently had a really bad week. Everything went wrong, and no matter how hard I tried, I felt like I couldn’t get anything right.
It all came to a head last Friday when I received a furrious text from Peaches.
She was right. I was definitely in the wrong. I screwed up, and I apologized.
But then Peaches sent me a second angry text, and it ruined my entire weekend.
I couldn’t stop thinking about that text and how angry Peaches sounded. I dreaded returning to work on the following Monday knowing that I’d be in the doghouse.
Tabby, I took full responsibility for my mistake, but I also feel like it was inappropriate for Peaches to text me about it over the weekend. I don’t get a lot of time off, and I need some kind of work boundaries.
Should I let it go or bring it up to Peaches?
— Frustrated in Ferndale
DEAR FRUSTRATED: I’m definitely guilty of being a demanding diva with my assistant from time to time, but I do think it would have been more appropriate for your employer to address the situation with you face to face, in person, during regular business hours.
Hopefully by now, Peaches has calmed down. If you still feel strongly about it, wait for a good time when you’re both in a pleasant mood, and ask her how she feels about your performance. Tell her that you are always open to face-to-face discussions, and that you believe they are more productive than texts.
I can’t speak for Peaches, but I know that as a kitty employer, I always want to encourage my assistant to be the best she can be. Hopefully the both of you can find some common ground. Good luck.
Dear Tabby is written by Tabs the Cat, commonly regarded as “the world’s first plus-size kitty supermodel.” Founded in mid 2012, it has quickly become the most widely syndicated cat advice column on earth — known for its fresh, feline perspective on lifestyle, fashion and style issues affecting cats and humans.
DEAR TABBY: HALP! My roommate Harold has a BIG problem with clothes — well, collars, specifically.
See, he just won’t wear them.
Ever since I first moved into my assistant’s house, Harold, who’s a year older than I am, has walked around the house wearing absolutely nothing at all — no collar — like, “Hello! I’m naked! Call me Harold!”
I can’t deny that it bothers me a little, because in my litter, when we were kittens, we always wore our collars, even if we were just lounging around. That’s just the way I was raised.
I try to overlook it — the nudity. I mean, Harold is a nice enough cat, but I don’t know — it still makes me feel uncomfortable.
And lately, it’s even gotten worse. Harold’s taken to sunning himself on the kitchen counters and the windowsills for all the neighborhood cats to see.
Tabby, there are kittens and children in our neighborhood! Should I say something to Harold? Or do you think I’m overreacting?
— Annoyed in Anchorage
DEAR ANNOYED: Some cats are just more comfortable in the nude, and what you see as bad decorum could be perfectly acceptable behavior in some cat circles.
Way I see it, as long as Harold isn’t hurting anyone, I think you have to look the other way.
DEAR TABBY: I’ve been seeing a massage therapist — my assistant’s husband, Tommy — going on about four years. I like him. I should say that right off the bat. Tommy has fantastic fingers, and he’s really helped relieve my chronic neck, back and tail tension.
Problem is, over the past few months or so, Tommy has been increasingly tardy, too. He’s late to almost all of his appointments.
I understand emergencies. Sure, things come up, but not every day. It’s disrespectful.
Last time I meowed, and ask Tommy why he was late. He just yawned. He straight-up yawned.
What do I do, Tabby? Do I need to find a new massage therapist?
— Tense in Tuscaloosa
DEAR TENSE: I’m with you. If your massage therapist is showing up late often, it is disrespectful. Tell this Tommy how his being late to your appointments interferes with your busy schedule.
Maybe there’s a good explanation. Perhaps he’s overbooking himself, or not getting enough sleep, or his fingers have been sore. Whatever the case, he owes you an explantation.
It takes courage to be assertive in situations like these. Good luck. Be strong.
DEAR TABBY: Guess what!? My sister and I will be graduating from two different kitty modeling school programs on the same day! 🙂
Unfortunately, our schools are across town from each other, so our mutual pet assistants and family members won’t be able to attend both ceremonies at the same time.
What should we do?
— Puzzled in Pittsburgh
Dear Tabby is written by Tabs the Cat, commonly regarded as “the world’s first plus-size kitty supermodel.” Founded in mid 2012, it has quickly become the most widely syndicated cat advice column on earth — known for its fresh, feline perspective on lifestyle, fashion and style issues affecting cats and humans.
DEAR TABBY,
First — fangirl moment! — I really enjoy your column, Tabs. I’ve been reading it since the very beginning and always trust your advice. Love ya!
Okay, I’ll cut to the chase. I’m a former outdoor kitty who’s having a hard time adjusting to indoor life.
I had been living on my own for years, mostly camping outdoors, before meeting my assistant, Mary, whom I now care for deeply.
When Mary got her new place, she asked me to move in with her, and I said, “meow!” Why not? Since we got along so well.
Thing is, the move came with a condition: I had to relinquish my outdoor privileges.
Ouch.
Tabs, I love my assistant more than gravy (well…) and want to make this arrangement work, but I’m struggling with adjusting to life indoors. I spend hours gazing out the windows, wondering what the other cats in the neighborhood are doing and wishing I could be out there with them, hunting, playing and having a good old time.
I feel myself resenting Mary a little more each day, and I’m turning into a cranky cat. Once, last week, I even tried to make a break for it behind Mary’s back when she opened the door.
Tabby, what should I do? I love my assistant, but I just don’t know if I’m cut out to be an indoor kitty.
— Indoors in Indiana
DEAR INDOORS:
I completely understand. I spent my entire kitten-hood outdoors cruising the mean streets of Mill Valley before committing to a full-time indoor environment.
It’s hard…not having the freedom to roam.
But try to remember the perks that come with indoor living. Think about it! No more having to hunt for food and always having a warm place to nap. Plus, recent advancements in cat toy technology mean that indoor kitties have more entertainment options than ever.
Here’s another idea: have you considered learning to walk on a leash? I’ve found that long walks outdoors with my assistant have definitely made indoor living easier.
On leash, you can still get your fix for the outdoors, and you can get it without any outdoor cat drama (ugh! I’m so over territorial skirmishes!). It’s also a great way to spend quality time with your assistant.
DEAR TABBY,
Sometimes, because I think it’s stylish and different, I like to wear my collar slightly askew, but some humans think it’s perfectly acceptable to readjust my collar without asking!
“Mrrow!” It drives me batty! And it’s bad enough when my assistant does it, but at least I know her. I’ve even had professional acquaintances and complete strangers do it without asking.
The last time it happened, I hissed, and the woman — get this — took offense.
Tabs, am I wrong to think my collar is off limits?
— Cranky in Cupertino
DEAR CRANKY:
I’ve had the same thing happen before, and you know, I don’t understand it either.
Perhaps it’s just people trying to be helpful, or maybe it’s an impulsive/compulsive behavior.
The most important thing is that it made you uncomfortable, so you had every right to hiss. The woman should’ve asked you first. It would’ve been the polite thing to do. Hello, newsflash. Cats are sensitive about their personal space.
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Dear Tabby is written by Tabs the Cat, commonly regarded as “the world’s first plus-size kitty supermodel.” Founded in mid 2012, it has quickly become the most widely syndicated cat advice column on earth — known for its fresh, feline perspective on lifestyle, fashion and style issues affecting cats and humans.
DEAR TABBY,
A feline friend of mine recently left on a month-long vacation and put me in charge of her favorite catnip plant. The other day, in a moment of weakness, I ate it…
The entire plant, leaving nothing but stems.
And my friend had left detailed instructions on the plant’s proper care. Nowhere on her list did it say, “Eat plant.”
What should I do?? Should I come clean and admit my crime, even though it’s too late to save the plant, or secretly have my assistant bring home a replacement from the gardening store?
— Not So Green Thumb
DEAR NOT SO GREEN THUMB:
Believe it or not, yours is a very common problem, and I’ve been on both sides of the situation.
On a vacation last year I left my cherished catnip plant, which I use strictly for medicinal purposes, under the care of the Russian Blue next door.
Upon my return, all I found was an empty pot lying on its side.
Robbers? I thought, but then the Russian Blue confessed. He admitted to eating it, which angered me at first, but then he offered to purchase me a new one.
I accepted his offer and appreciated his honestly. After all, we all make mistakes. I’ve certainly made a few of mine…
So, yes, I think you should come clean. Apologize, and offer to buy her a new plant. Maybe also include a few cans of gravy to make peace.
Truthfully, even if you tried to replace the plant without your friend knowing, chances are she’d figure it out. It’s not easy to find thriving, mature catnip plants at local gardening stores (trust me, I’ve looked).
DEAR TABBY,
My landlord/assistant (don’t ask) recently invited a new kitty roommate into our home, and let me be frank — I hate him.
He hogs the bed, the bathroom, steals my toys and even sleeps in MY stinky sock drawer. Oh, and he likes to nap in the same sunny patches that I like to nap in on the floor.
On top of all that…he’s always trying to be cute, so I feel like I have to be in “performance mode” all day long, constantly flashing my tum and looking adorable.
It’s exhausting!
What should I do? I’m tempted to just run away, but I still have a pretty sweet thing going here. There’s a steady supply of gravy, daily walks, and my pet assistant is also a licensed massage therapist.
— Roommate Troubles in Rohnert Park
DEAR ROOMMATE TROUBLES:
You know the old saying, “Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer”? Truer words were never spoken. I believe every cat should have that phrase crossed-stitched on a pillow.
In your case, I think you should make the next move. Do something nice for the intruder, like offer to groom him or spoon the next time you’re both napping.
Build up some trust, because not only will it bring you peace of mind, it’s also a good way to carefully monitor the new cat’s activities.
And who knows? Maybe one day the two of you will become real friends.
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Dear Tabby is written by Tabs the Cat, commonly regarded as “the world’s first plus-size kitty supermodel.” Founded in mid 2012, it has quickly become the most widely syndicated cat advice column on earth — known for its fresh, feline perspective on lifestyle, fashion and style issues affecting cats and humans.
DEAR TABBY: My assistant has been spending a lot of time with the cat next door…
I don’t know if I should be concerned, but I do tend to worry. A lot. About everything. See, I’m a scaredy cat, and being nervous is in my nature.
Her name is Patches — the cat, not my assistant — and we’re actually all close friends. I’ve always assumed that Patches lives in one of the houses in our neighborhood, but I’ve never met her assistant. In fact, I don’t even know if she has one. Patches spends most of her time hiking and exploring the great outdoors.
Sometimes when my assistant — let’s call her Jane — and I go out for a walk, we run into Patches, and everything seems fine. I feel like we’re all friends, but then Jane spends a good 10 minutes petting Patches and scratching behind her ears.
Right in front of me!
This last time, Jane even gave Patches some treats from her pocket! The same treats Jane always gives to me!
I just don’t know what to do. Jane and I have been together for more than six years, and she’s so much more than an employee to me. We’re also best friends.
What do you think, Tabby? I know that you and your assistant (Karen, right?) have also been together for a long time. Should I be concerned, or am I just being a scaredy cat?
— Not Loving My Neighbor
DEAR NOT LOVING: I feel your pain. The bond between a feline and his/her pet assistant is sacred, and while I think you should be a little concerned, it’s probably too early to bare your claws.
Yes, your assistant’s actions are highly suspicious, but there may be other things going on. Jane may not be doing anything wrong. Sometimes cats like Patches who spend a lot of time on their own get very lonely. Maybe she’s just looking for a little love and attention. I’ve known many outdoor kitties like that.
Until you have all the facts, it’s too early to assume that your assistant is looking for a new job. Keep your eyes and ears open, and if Patches comes home with your assistant one of these days, that’s your cue to overreact.
DEAR TABBY: I pet assist for three very lovely Siamese kitties, and I love my job. I love working for all three of them, but they have no respect for boundaries. I can’t even take a lunch break without one or more of them strolling into my office unannounced.
I’m not sure what to do…
I could be sitting there at my desk eating a sandwich — so obviously I’m taking a break — but they act totally unaware. They hop up on the desk, walk all over my sandwich and even have the nerve to purr.
Tabby, I take my job very seriously, but by the same token, I also need my breaks. Am I being unreasonable to expect a little courtesy? Isn’t their behavior rude?
— Working Hard for the Money
DEAR WORKING HARD: You must be an amazing pet assistant because it sounds like your three kitty employers really, really love spending time with you.
My personal philosophy? Humans deserve breaks and boundaries, too. But not all felines feel the same way.
I think you need to have a conversation with your employers. Be firm with them, but don’t yell. If you yell, they’ll just run away. Tell them that you love assisting them but need a break during the day. An hour of alone time at lunch shouldn’t be too much to ask.
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Dear Tabby is written by Tabs the Cat, commonly regarded as “the world’s first plus-size kitty supermodel.” Founded in mid 2012, it has quickly become the most widely syndicated cat advice column on earth — known for its fresh, feline perspective on lifestyle, fashion and style issues affecting cats and humans.
DEAR TABBY: I could really use some career advice, and I couldn’t think of a better expert to ask.
I’m a 21-year-old struggling male model, and I recently received the opportunity to do an, um, “spicy” centerfold spread in a national magazine.
I’m torn. Do I take the risk and try to push my career to the next level, even if it means baring a little skin, or do I pass on the job and wait for a better opportunity?
I remember you mentioning that you did a spread for Playcat magazine a few years back. Did you have any reservations at the time, and do you feel like it helped or hurt your career?
Thanks in advance.
— Handsome and Hopeless
DEAR HANDSOME & HOPELESS: Of course I had reservations about the Playcat spread. I think it’s only natural to be a little nervous when you’re baring your tum, but more than that, I was also nervous about what it might mean for my future job prospects.
I didn’t want to end up being known as “that cat” in the kitty modeling world — you know, the one who’ll show off his junk at the drop of a hat.
But it sounds like my situation was a little different than yours. First, I’m a cat. Second, I was already famous before I posed for the magazine. Ultimately, I did it for the fans, and I don’t feel like it hurt my career. As long as it makes people happy, I’ll keep sharing my tum with the world.
You sound like a pretty smart guy. I think you already know what you should do, but my two cents? I say go for it. Opportunities like that don’t come along very often.
As for what the job could do for your career, look at that Kendra gal or Jenny McCarthy. Both of them parlayed similar gigs into bigger opportunities. Good luck!
DEAR TABBY: Fashion question for you. I’m a spotted Bengal interested in exploring casual and formal wear, but I’m afraid that the plaid and argyle patterns I’m attracted to will clash with my fur. What are the best ways to wear prints with spotted fur?
— Wondering in Wisconsin
DEAR WONDERING: Sounds like you have an amazing coat. Lucky you!
Personally, I’m a big fan of mixing and matching prints, and I always tell patterned kitties to just have fun with it. My personal style philosophy? If you see something and it makes your tail twitch, go for it!
The plaid and argyle patterns both sound great, but if you’re not used to seeing yourself in them, you may be shocked the first time you catch a glimpse of yourself in a mirror. Start slowly by introducing something simple into your wardrobe; I recommend pinstripes — classic, understated and elegant.
DEAR TABBY: I recently accepted a position as a professional pet assistant working for a sassy 2-year-old stray named Sally. Sally wants my help incorporating daily walks into her fitness regimen.
Problem is, she hates harnesses. I haven’t found one she likes. As soon as she puts one on, she plops down on the ground, rolls around and refuses to walk.
All of the pet assistants in my professional network think that Sally’s a lost cause. What do you think? I don’t want to lose this job.
— Troubled in Tacoma
DEAR TROUBLED IN TACOMA: First, congrats on your new partnership! And I’m glad you decided to take a job assisting a stray. That’s very wise of you. I was a stray once, you know…
I still remember the first time my assistant placed a harness on me. I have to be honest with you, it really freaked me out!
I got used to it, though, slowly but surely. The treats certainly helped. Every time my assistant put my harness on me, she’d feed me a spoonful of gravy or a few pieces of Pounce. She also lavished me with sweet talk and strokes.
At first, I only wore the harness for a few minutes inside the house. We did that a few times to get used to it, and then slowly worked our way up from five-minute trips outside to 10 and 15. Pretty soon I was comfortable and walking around.
Now I really look forward to my walks.
Don’t give up on Sally, Troubled! I think a lot of kitties start at that same exact place, but with plenty of positive encouragement, patience and love, pretty soon you two will be enjoying the great outdoors.
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