going gray

Grays Gone Wild

May 21st, 2019 by Karen 14 Comments

r co bel air smoothing shampoo — Smoooove moves

It’s always funny to me to hear myself say this out loud: “Growing out your grays is hard.” Because it’s not like you’re running a marathon or anything. You’re literally just existing! But it really is difficult, and of the many challenges one endures when growing out their grays (and there are indeed many!), I think one of the hardest is adjusting to the new texture.

My grays have a completely different texture than the rest of my hair. They’re coarser, rougher, bumpier… LOL. I wish you could see this weird little hand wave move I just did with my left hand when I said “bumpier.”

Oh, Karen, you’re such a weirdo. ?

As I was saying, I call my grays my “ramen noodle hairs” because the wiriest of the bunch look like a block of dry, crispy dehydrated noodles.

So…what’s up with that? According to Jay Kushner, Senior Stylist and Director of Stylist Education at Joseph Cozza Salon in San Francisco, “The texture change when trying to embrace your natural gray hair can be a bit of a challenge for most people…it manages differently. As we age, a reduction of melanin (the pigment which puts color in hair) and sebum (the moisturizing oil secreted from the scalp) can contribute to the hair becoming more dry, coarse and wiry.”

To help you tame your hair’s texture, Jay recommends using an oil-based shampoo, conditioner and mask, as they usually work well because they’re moisturizing, softening and smoothing, and he likes Iles Formula Shampoo ($35), Conditioner ($41) and Mask ($67).

And for styling, he suggests sticking to cremes and oils, “which will soften and calm the texture even more,” and recommends steering clear of mousses, gels and beach salt sprays because they tend to make dry texture even drier.

Of course, what you should use ultimately depends on your individual hair and hair texture. About gray hair, Maya Lowe Batki, the stylist who did my big chop the other week, says that “It can get curlier. It can get straighter. It can get finer. Everybody’s gray is different, but texture change is a common thing.”

Maya recommends experimenting with different moisturizing products, and generally, when you’re applying them to your hair, try not get too close to your scalp, because that can lead to your hair looking and feeling heavy and weighed down.

So, over the past couple of weeks, I’ve upped the moisture considerably by alternating between using a moisturizing hair oil with an uber-hydrating leave-in conditioner (this silicone-free one by Kerastase has been my jam lately because it’s hydrating but isn’t heavy or greasy), which I use on damp hair after I get out of the shower.
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Growing Out My Grays: Chapter 1

November 29th, 2018 by Karen 25 Comments

I actually did my hair! It’s only been, oh…two weeks! The impetus very likely has something to do with our guests leaving. We had family staying with us for the past couple weeks, but they’ve gone now, and you know how it is when you’re sharing your space with other people, even people you love. It can be a delicate dance. I need some alone time in order to function (somewhat) normally.

So this morning I did my hair for the first time in forever, and I noticed the grays starting to peek through. That’s when it hit me — I’M REALLY DOING THIS. Here I am, one month since the last time I colored my hair at home using demi-permanent color.

gray hair one month after coloring — Hey, gray!

I bought all of this hair coloring stuff from Sally Beauty two months ago, thinking that I’d eventually grow to love coloring my own hair…

I imagined myself being able to do it on my own whenever I wanted to and saving money.

At least that was the idea.

In reality, I was in tears after the last time! You’re gonna think I’m such a big baby, but there was dye all over the bathroom and the tub, and my hair turned out a little too dark (like shoe polish). It didn’t look quite right, and the first thing El Hub said when he saw me was, “Boy…it’s REALLY dark.”

That pushed me over the edge.

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I May Be Too Vain for This, But I’m Gonna Do It Anyway

November 19th, 2018 by Karen 34 Comments

You guys, I think I’m ready. I think it’s finally time. I’ve been going back and forth for what feels like forever (but in reality has been about a year and a half, ha ha!) about whether to let my grays grow out, and you know…after this this last round of dying my hair and absolutely hating every second of it, I think I’m going to make the jump. I’m gonna grow out my grays.

We’ll see if I feel the same way in about two months when all of the baby hairs along my hairline are white and there’s that jarring line of demarcation where you can see the the last round of color, but I figure, if I can grow out my eyebrows, I can do anything!

And you know, it’s hair. If I’m not feeling it after I grow it out, I can always dye it back. Plus, it’s been a really, really long time since I rocked my natural hair color — more than 10 years. Shoot, maybe even 15? So it’ll be a nice change to see what my hair actually looks like in its natural state.

Knowing that I don’t plan to dye it again already feels like such a relief. What pushed me over the edge was a comment from Kristy (hey, girl!), who said…

“I’ve gone down the demi-permanent rabbit hole trying to cover grays myself, and I’ve found it to be unsustainable. It doesn’t cover the grays for long – the roots tend to fade, and the lengths just get darker and darker. I have dark hair too, and I found myself coloring almost monthly until it was just too much to take and my hair was the color of shoe polish. I don’t color anymore and I now have silver streaks, free of charge! I mean, people are paying to get gray hair! It’s a statement look for me now and I’ll never color again. I would strongly encourage anyone who is sick of covering gray to go for it. Yes, it sucks for a few months, but no one really cares (just you) and you will come out happier, stronger and more beautiful in the end!”

This got me thinking about seeing my dad’s retired friends hanging out in the neighbor’s garage. There’s always a few guys in the group with hair that just looks a little too dark, and there’s something about it that doesn’t look quite right. If I keep using the demi-permanent hair color I’ve been using, I fear that that’s where I’m headed, and I don’t wanna end up there. That’s my main motivator.

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Frivolous Friday Chit Chat: Growing Out Gray Hair, J. Lo Makin’ Me Want to Go to Pilates Every Day, and Blending Boot Camp

February 16th, 2018 by Karen 73 Comments

Let’s talk about roots (among other things)!

Good morning, friend. Happy Friday…

I’m doing my best to smile and keep a positive cattitude right now, because I don’t want to evoke any more disappointment or sadness or frustration or pain at a time when the news is 24/7 heartbreaking.

If you’ve turned on the news once in the past two days, you know what I’m talking about. 🙁

So, let’s talk about frivolous stuff, because the serious issues will still be serious at the end of the day. We Americans will still have to figure these things out, but right now…at this moment, on this blog, I want to talk about things like gray hair.

Early yesterday morning, as I was getting ready to take Connor to her two-year pediatric checkup, I looked at my roots and thought, dammit, I really gotta do something about this situation, because I’m about two weeks from my next hair coloring appointment.

I don’t usually mind the process of covering up my grays myself during the weeks when my roots go from barely noticeable to OH, SH*T GIRL between salon visits, taking the root cover-up spray, and spraying it on, and then using the crayon for baby hairs up front. It hasn’t been a big deal, but for some reason it was this past month and a half. It was a big pain in the @ss.

I don’t want to say that I’m lazy…but I just might be, LOL! The last thing I want to do is deal with covering up my grays. I just don’t want to do it. Also, I haven’t been into the way these products make my roots feel stiff…

I get on these weird kicks, and right now I don’t like it when my hair feels lacquered in any way, but between the spray and the waxy crayon, that’s how my hair feels, like there’s pounds of product in it.

So the other night I couldn’t go to sleep, and I thought, like…what if I just grew my hair out and let my salt ‘n’ pepper hair come through? What if I committed to just growing out my gray?

It would take about a year, and I could write about it! I could let it grow out, see what happens, and if I end up not liking how it looks, I’ll just dye my hair again. Among other things, “it’s something to do,” and I’ve always been the kind of person who likes to be in the process of doing something with my hair, whether it’s growing it out, cutting it short, doing bangs, pink streaks, or waiting for a new season to change the color again. I’ve always liked to play with my hair.

So I think I’m gonna do this. I even started researching how to grow out gray hair, BUT THEN I watched some freakin’ J. Lo music videos and started googling J. Lo pics, and can I just say that J. Lo is the high pony of all high ponytails? OY!

I keep wanting to quit her, but I can’t. She’s been a hair/makeup icon of mine for so many years. I think, like, “Karen, you really have to move on,” but then I watch a J. Lo video, and it doesn’t matter if it’s from back in the day or something new, and I’m like, “DAMMIT, J. LO! YOU ARE MY HASHTAG #GOALS.”

She’s the only reason I do squats, for one, and her hair is so beautiful! I love the caramel tones, the layering, the length… It’s just so luscious!

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Is There a Graceful Way to Go Gray?

May 18th, 2017 by Karen 43 Comments

Literally counting the seconds to my next coloring appointment

I’ve been dyeing my hair for what feels like forever. I think the last time I rocked my natural color from roots to ends, gosh… It must’ve been when I was in my 20s. Maybe? It’s been a really long time.

I’m currently two weeks out from a hair coloring appointment with my friend Alis, who lives and works in Las Vegas but visits here to California every couple of months and takes some appointments (I usually go every six to eight weeks).

Girl, I love going to the salon. It’s like a getaway experience for me. For two hours, I tune out, read trashy magazines and just get to be pampered for that short block of time. 🙂 Ah…

But even though it’s a fun thing for me, little by little, it’s starting to feel less like a treat, and more like hair handcuffs, because now whenever I go, it’s like, “Ugh, gotta cover up these grays!” My hair is getting to the point where my roots are very obvious while they’re growing out.

I’m seriously considering letting my hair go to its natural raw state, but I just don’t know if there’s an elegant way to make the jump to gray, especially with dark hair.

Yes, this is not a serious problem in the greater scheme of things. I realize this, but still.

Maybe it would be easier if I were completely gray. I’m probably about 15% now. Actually, more than that. Maybe 20%. 30%? Anyway, now gray hairs are starting to show up in my baby hairs on my forehead and, like, in my bangs and on the veeeeeery top of my head, so they aren’t as easy to hide.

If I were 100% gray already, at least it would be a single color, like cool girl gray hair, but that’s not the case. I would be salt ‘n’ pepper, but without the dope rhymes or Spinderella.

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